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MIL rant

Forum: Inlaws


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July 28th, 2006, 12:02 PM
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It's kind of funny that we have this new forum. My MIL is really a nice woman but is very self centered and self absorbed. Whenever there is a conversation, she manages to make it about her. She knows everything about everything. She is a true matriarch. When I started dating DH, she was sure to tell me that her DIL's didn't like her because her sons respected her and her opinion. I've come to discover that her DIL's don't like her because she forces her opinion on them. I don't know how she's come to believe that she can be so intrusive in the lives of her grown sons. You'd think after years of strife she would have learned, but she hasn't.

When DH and I got married I decided not to change my name. She had a huge problem with it. Our kids will be confused she told me, families should really all have the same name. The kids would be traumatized.. etc. I told her that if having a different last name from me was the biggest things my kids had to worry about, that I would be thankful.

When DH and I started talking about having a family, we decided that if it was a girl she could have my last name, and if it was a boy, he could have DH's last name. Well, we got twin girls. As soon as we found out, DH went and changed his last name to mine. I asked him not to do it, and warned him that his Mom would have a fit. He did it back in January, and his mom just found out yesterday. He avoided telling her because he knew the reaction would be bad. Funny thing is... she is the one that convinced him to change it, with all the "confustion" and "trauma" that our children would have if we all didn't have the same name. Our twins are my parents only grandchildren, their only namesakes. She doesn't care.

She's said some very hurtful things. She's known since May that the girls had my last name. She's said that my DH needed to get a sex change, that I was a control freak, that he let me wear the pants in the family, that she couldn't believe that he didn't want them to have HIS family name.. (his dad is adopted, so that argument doesn't fly).

So yesterday she found out that we all had the same name and she has had a fit. She's never speaking to me again, she wants to have nothing to do with me. How this is all my fault, I don't know. But I'm so pissed off I don't know what to do with myself. The back story is that one of our twins has been in the NICU since she was born. She's had two surgeries, the last a week ago today. She's a very sick baby, and she chooses now to make this a huge catastrophe. She even went so far as to call DH and tell him she was so upset that she couldn't work anymore, and that his father and brothers were devestated... you get the picture. FIL came to see DH at work today and told him he was fine with it, that it was a name, and that he was a grown man... etc. MANIPULATION. We don't need this stress right now. We don't want her opinion, and we certainly don't need her temper tantrum.

Her biggest problem of course is that the most important woman is DH's life no longer her. With DH changing his name, it became official that he no longer "belonged" to her, but to me. DH did tell his dad today that his family was a packaged deal. He said that his mom can't pretend I don't exist. It was really the first time he's ever done such a thing. He said that no matter what his name, or the twins names, he is still her son and they are still her grandchildren.
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