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SIL...i want to punch her.

Forum: Inlaws


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  • 2 Post By MindyRambo

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December 11th, 2013, 11:18 AM
rachelc0's Avatar 2 sons, 5 angel babies
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 957
i know violence isn't the answer, but jeez. here we go.

DH and i have been together almost 6 years, married nearly three of those years. in the 6 years of our relationship, his sister has been an absolute monster. we go from a great relationship, to an all out battle for blood. and she sucks their parents into the middle of it. she is 26y/o and so full of the drama. it always has to be about her. our initial arguments are stupid at best, but they get SO blown out of proportion. here they are:

the first one was when i found out i was pregnant. i had told her (and ONLY her besides DH) and she decided to tell her parents. so they were understandably angry that they didn't hear it from us.

then there was a big one was about her boyfriend. while babysitting her daughter (while she went out and partied) who was 4, we were planning our wedding so i would tell her "we're going to buy you a princess dress for the wedding". a few weeks later, i'm out feeling the parent's animals while they are out of town and i get a phone call from MIL literally screaming at me and not only could i hardly understand, but what she was saying wasn't making sense. soemthing about i was telling T (neice) that HER mom was getting married and she would have a princess dress for THAT wedding? i don't even know where that came from. while venting to my girlfriend, it turned out one of her best friends is this guy's ex, and she was the one formulating all these weird stories (because my girlfriend was with me when i was telling T about the dress for our wedding). my girlfriend was texting me saying she was sorry i was being blamed for that and she didn't understand because i had nothing to do with it. PROOF that i literally had no part in that whole thing. what happened? no one appologized. i was super angry at MIL for yelling at me and not even letting me try to understand what was wrong or defend myself, and SIL for instead of asking me first, she decided to tell mommy. over time it slowly went away, but no one ever actually appologized for it, even to this day.

oh and then there were girl scouts. yes, girl scouts. she wanted T to be a brownie and wanted to be a leader but you needed two leaders, and plus she never did girl scouts as a kid, but i did. so i thought it would be fun to be a troop co-leader. while planning everything, i was working out of town so when she asked what day would work, i said "any day but Monday's, those are always really hectic". she picked monday. so when i told her i wouldn't be able to do it, she goes around telling everyone that i promised her i would and i just abandoned her and blah blah blah. she is always the victim.

she was super unreliable so even though she was initially picked as a bridesmaid for our wedding, i kicked her out BEFORE we purchased dresses. and she got mad. she started a fight with her boyfriend (now husband) at my wedding reception and was trying to drag my guests into it so i kicked them out.

after everything, we decided to work it out. she got married (and was super pissed at me because my due date with Keegan was two days after her wedding and she SWORE i did that on purpose, and was mad when she wanted DH to pay $150 to RENT a tux for her wedding (as an usher) and i told her no because he may not even be there and she cried to mommy and daddy who also told her no it might be a waste of money). i had keegan three days before she got married, and still managed to make it to the ceremony. after that she got pregnant and i spared no expense to throw her this great baby shower that she wanted. after she asked me to be her 2nd daughters godmother, i was super excited, then i was "mistaken" when she said she didn't ask me, and that her DH's sister and brother were. but i didn't want to start a fight over that.

so this last summer, i was asking her about when they were thinking about having their 3rd. i wanted to gauge her response, so we could plan accordingly. as in NOT HAVE THE SAME DUE DATE. this was in late July. she told me the baby doesn't turn 1 until december and they might try after that. which was perfect because i was having my IUD taken out in August so we could try right away. and i told her that. so we got pregnant in september (i know, really fast!) and didn't tell a single person because we had this great christmas annoucement planned. the weekend before Halloween we take the kids to do their "trick or treating" with the family, so that i don't have to work all day, and then drive around town in the cold all night. we tried to take them over to their house but she was "showering" because they had to go have dinner with her DH's parents. so we left. so she emails me at work asking if she can come by on Halloween night. i didn't respond because the point of doing it BEFORE was so that we weren't dealing with it that night. while picking up the kids from daycare on halloween, i got to my car and checked my phone where i had a picture message from her. it was her DH, the two girls and her, and she was wearing a skeleton shirt with a baby skeleton that said "happy halloween from the five of us". this is her pregnancy announcement. i was so pissed i literally stuffed my phone in my purse and ignored it for most of the night. DH didn't get a picture message, he found out on FACEBOOK so he was pissed. then afterwards (i guess not many people responded to the very "personal" group picture message) she sends this text "obviously if you don't know, baby #3 is due in June". well dang, I'M due in june.

DH called his parents really upset about finding out on facebook, when he dropped the ball that well we're pregnant too. i felt totally robbed of this annoucement i had planned for MONTHS before we got pregnant. and she just didn't get it. at Keegan's birthday party which was two days later, she was asking everyone "aren't you going to say congratulations to us?" i guess their younger brother didn't respond to the picture or text either. it's like TAKE THE HINT! that night she was sending me these nasty text messages saying why couldn't we be happy for them because they are happy for us and that makes her the bigger person. i told DH it isn't that she's pregnant, its the sneaky b**chy way she did it. instead of just saying "well we changed our minds" she was only looking out for herself. so after she wouldn't stop texting, and i wasn't responding, DH calls her and just reams her a new one for a good hour. she tells him that it isn't any of my business if they changed their mind. so it was to say they weren't going to try for a while, but not that they changed their minds? DH tells her to leave us all the heck alone. so she deletes us on facebook lol.

anyway, a week or two later she texts me again saying that we have to work things out before thanksgiving and that she doesn't care if i'm mad but we have to work it out. yeah thats the best way to get me to do it.... so i didn't respond. and she says the same thing to DH and he doesn't respond. a few days later she sends something similar, still no response from our camp. my birthday was the 14 so she texts to say happy birthday (in the 6 years of our relationship, she never once wished me a happy birthday until now) and says that we needed to work this out. i thanked her for the happy birthday, but nothing more. and she texts me like an our later saying we all needed to meet up, and that even though i was mad we still needed to work it out. so finally, tired of holding my tongue (because i rarely do that) i sent her this:

"i'm not mad, i'm just done. i think the way you went about everything was really deceptive and conniving. you can say it wasn't any of my business yet you thought it was my business to say you weren't going to try until December, but it wasn't my business to say you changed your mind. i don't care if you changed your mind and i don't care if it was an accident. even just saying 'we'll we're pregnant and here's our annoucement plan' we could have worked it out with no drama. after everything over the past six years, all the drama with no appologies for things i was wrongfully blamed for, i'm just done. i don't want to be friends with you and i don't want to hang out with you. we can never go back to before because i can't trust you. yeah, we're supposed to leave the past in the past, but when every two years there is a new issue with the same underlying problem, those that don't learn from the past are condemned to repeat it. and four times in six years is definitley enough for me. there really is nothing else we have to talk about. any riffs between you and [DH], you two will just have to work that out on your own".

no response from her. that was almost a month ago and she has completely stopped texting back (which is exactly what i wanted). turns out our due dates are one day apart. which is exactly what i DIDN'T want to happen. last weekend at an ugly sweater party thrown by the inlaws, she was there and i went and had a good time, i just told DH to keep her the heck away from me because if she gets within swinging distance, i will connect. she didn't get within 6ft of me that entire night. so i was thrilled.

i suppose the justification i will take from this is at the party, she didn't look pregnant at all. for being 13 weeks you'd think that you'd start to plump up. i have already grown myself a cute little baby belly and people were fawning over it all night. and since SIL ALWAYS wants to be the center of attention, i know it had to be killing her.
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December 12th, 2013, 01:20 PM
katylady's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 3,446
sounds like you just need to distance yourself from her. My DH live in the same town as his sisters and we see them at holidays and if we're up to it we go to the kids bday parties. If we didn't do it this way I don't think I would survive my inlaws and their antics.

Hope your pregnancy goes well and try and make this time about you and not SIL.
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December 18th, 2013, 06:04 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 839
To be very honest, so much of this is so freaking petty. The tit for tat thing between you two has got to stop. It seems like you both get mad at each other for the same reasons. Your post is soooo long, and yet there are as many things you've done to make her angry as she has. Just let it go, life is too short. Also kind of silly that you seem to be gloating that you have a baby bump and she doesn't. Like, really?

Good luck with your pregnancy, and hopefully you can put this behind you and move on and learn from both of your mistakes of letting petty drama come between you. I would just remain cordial, and don't have too much contact.
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You think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you, but if you walk the footsteps of stranger, you'll learn things you knew... you never knew.
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December 18th, 2013, 08:17 AM
rachelc0's Avatar 2 sons, 5 angel babies
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 957
oh it's absolutely petty, and that's the worst part. i don't know what the underlying issue is on her side or even mine, but for some reason, one toe over the line and it's on. i am by no means innocent because we both are going to push each other's buttons. i just think that when we were actually in a really good place (for once) she just up and burns me. and after endearing abuse most of my childhood, i promised myself i would never let anyone treat me horribly again.
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