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No Emotional Support From Inlaws

Forum: Inlaws


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July 20th, 2014, 09:50 PM
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2
Hello All!
I'm new here - just looking for some words of encouragement.
My fiancee and I are expecting a baby boy in October - My first, his second.

I've always gotten along very well with his family, but since the news of my pregnancy the relationship has strained, for lack of a better word. Granted, our financial situation isn't what I would have liked it to be with a baby on the way - but I was told that I would never have children, so I take my blessings as they come.

When I told his mother, she seemed more concerned than anything. When his father found out, they decided they need to call and talk at me for a good 15 minutes about how I need to "consider my options" and that I "hadn't clearly thought out the emotional and financial ramifications of being a parent."
I said nothing, thanked them for their input and hung up, furious. Since then, I have been ignored and alienated. Occasionally his mother will ask how I am doing and offer to come to appointments, but I know this is just to "keep the peace" so to speak.

A month ago I gave her shower invitations for her and some other members of his family - where she informed me immediately that she would be busy that weekend and that I shouldn't send out invitations to any other members of his family because they would just "do a thing" later.
Come to find out today - the event she told me she would be attending the day of my shower doesn't in fact take place until a couple of weeks later. I'm so hurt that she would lie to me. I suppose to spare my feelings of her not wanting to attend, but I would have so much rather her just tell me the truth so we can accept this situation for what it is and move on.
Maybe I'm just being overly emotional. I just see how my family and our friends interact with us, and it breaks my heart that my fiancee and I (most importantly him) get no support from any of his family.

I'm sure the best thing to do would be to just ignore it and focus on the supportive people in our lives - but I just don't understand.
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July 21st, 2014, 10:53 AM
rachelc0's Avatar 2 sons, 5 angel babies
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 957
i sort of know how you feel. when it comes to my inlaws, they are supportive of DH, not too much of me. at least it wasn't until recently. the best thing to do is absolutely that; focus on the people in your world that are supportive and positive. you don't want your child around anyone who isn't. when i was first pregnant with my first one, my inlaws didn't even aknowledge my pregnant until like month 5 when i found out it was a boy (their second grandchild but their first grandson). after that it was all "oooh i can't wait until our grandson is born!" and i was thinking sheesh where was this attitude four months ago?! after Kale was born they did a complete flip and were always around, always willing to help. i hope they can change for you, at least for the sake of their grandchild
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July 21st, 2014, 03:56 PM
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2
Thanks for the reply

It's quite frustrating and I am hoping they come around too... but part of me almost doesn't want them to now, if that makes sense? I know one's things for sure, if I ever feel that they are treating him poorly, that will be the last time they see him. *sigh* People.
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July 29th, 2014, 09:05 PM
katylady's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 3,446
my MIL walks a fine line in my life. She completely ignores me but if it has anything to do with her granddaughter or her son she is all game for it. I just have to be peaceful long enough while their around and then I don't have to be bothered until the next time.

She does know that Ellie will never spend the night and to never ask. My husband takes interference for me if he knows that I would be uncomfortable with it. It's not your job to have a relationship with your MIL if she doesn't want one. It's your husbands job to mend or change their minds.
MIL's are strange creatures in my book!
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July 30th, 2014, 11:13 AM
rachelc0's Avatar 2 sons, 5 angel babies
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 957
good for you. although my inlaws aren't always the greatest, they are spectacular grandparents to my kids and SIL kids. no body is spoiled more or less (because they're all pretty darn spoiled anyway), and they have a special relationship with each and every one of them. but i told DH just like what you said, the second that changes is the last time his family sees the kids.
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February 24th, 2015, 01:19 PM
butterfly721's Avatar Mommy-to-be to a baby boy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 3,576
I'm sorry. I can't believe that they would say such hurtful things to you. I've never understood why anyone would say anything other than "congratulations" when hearing the news that someone is pregnant, especially their daughter-in-law.

I had two miscarriages before this pregnancy. After my first miscarriage, my mother in law told me "it was meant to be." I was furious. I still haven't forgiven her for it. I wanted my husband to call her out on it because I thought she owed me an apology, but he wouldn't do it. She's thrilled about my current pregnancy, which I really appreciate, but if she said anything like that to me again, I would definitely call her out on it.
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January 6th, 2016, 08:20 PM
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 2
Hard to understand the way people act the way they act sometimes but its best to just keep it moving and focus on whats important. Easier said than done I know....
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