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Tired of holding my tongue!

Forum: Inlaws


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February 29th, 2008, 10:50 AM
Fire_Eyes876's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Spokane, Washington
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First of all, I wanted to see how everyone is doing, its been about six months since I have been on here, because I have had very little access to the internet until now. I guess let me start by filling you guys in on the latest bs with my mil. A few months ago, I got back into the working world and got a job at a daycare. My girls were sick almost all the time, and the straw that broke the camel's back was a couple weeks ago when my oldest came down with pnuemonia (sp). It was on a Monday, and I had just started bringing my girls to my sil's house, because I was tired of them getting sick and the money that I was paying was bs. I knew that she was sick, but I didn't know that she was that sick, because the night before she was running around playing with her cousins.

I got a call from my husband at around 2:00, just when the kids in my class started waking up from there naps, saying that Tanya is in the hospital, they think she might have pnuemonia. So, needless to say, I was freaking out and in a panic. I left work after that and rushed over to the hospital. When I got there, my mil was there with Tanya, which I don't mind at all, I'm glad someone brought her in. But what really made me so angry with my mil was that they had already been there for about 2 hours before I even showed up. I guess from what everyone was telling me, my mil was trying to get a hold of my dh for about 3 hours before she finally got a hold of him. (My dh works swings, so he usually sleeps in until about 1 or 2 in the afternoon.) But the fact that she didn't even bother trying to find a freakin' phone book to try and call me after the first few attempts at trying to get a hold of dh. Its not that hard to ask one of the nurses for a phone book to call me. I guess maybe she thought that I wouldn't care enough about the fact that my own daughter was in the hospital, to even show up or something. Of course I would want to know that she was so sick that she had to be taken to the hospital.

Then after I was there for a little while, my mil had the nerve to say "I can take care of her, if you want to go to work tomorrow." Why would I want to go to work the next day knowing that my daughter is in the hospital, I wouldn't be able to function. She wonders why I gave her an angry look. Then later on that night dh's cousin showed up at the hospital with some of Tanya's things (she is staying with us while she goes to school here), so after that my mil takes dh's cousin and my youngest, Sashia home. From what dh's cousin told me, my mil was jumping down her throat and blaming her for Tanya's pnuemonia saying that she should have seen something. I guess my mil was also angry at me because I didn't show up right away. Uh, hello, nobody called me until 2 in the afternoon. I can understand dh not calling me and I can understand dh's cousin not calling me, because they probably thought that my mil had already called me. So needless to say, she was blaming me for Tanya being sick and she was blaming dh's cousin for her being sick.

But, Tanya is back to her old self now, and I am very glad about that. But when we were there at the hospital, they did a chest x-ray and we found out that it was bacterial pnuemonia, so its more likely that she got it from the daycare. So, the night after Tanya got home from the hospital, my mil stopped by and then had the nerve to ask me "What I don't understand, is why you didn't bring her in sooner?" Uh, because she wasn't that sick, what kind of question is that? Anyways, from what I learned is that it is very hard to diagnose symptoms of stuff like that in little kids. Plus, the only way that they would know what it was, is from a chest x-ray. I know that my mil is talking all kinds of bs about me, because I heard that she was telling everybody that I left the girls at my sil's house with there coats unzipped and Tanya sprawled out on the floor throwing up. What kind of mother would do something like that anyways, I know I wouldn't. If I had seen Tanya sprawled out on the floor throwing up and stuff, I surely wouldn't rush off to work because I was late. I would be the one rushing her off to the hospital, and not even think about work.

I have had so many problems with my mil, that I couldn't even begin to count them all. I'm just glad that Tanya is okay and that Sashia didn't come down with it after all that. I don't what I would do without either one of them. But my mil let the fact that she dislikes me, get in the way of what is best for my daughter, and that's something that I can not hold my tongue about any longer. Sorry so long, but this was long overdue.
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February 29th, 2008, 03:20 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I can't believe she didn't bother to call you! That is beyond horrible. I hope your daughter makes a full recovery. And welcome back to the board!

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March 1st, 2008, 12:32 PM
jillylicious's Avatar mom always liked you best
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I can't believe she didn't call! How incredibly inappropriate! I'm sure the nurses at the hospital were thinking the same thing - "Why isn't she calling this little girl's mommy?!" and they had to hold their tongues, unfortunately.

I'm glad she's on the road to recovery, and I just wanted to let you know I know JUST how you feel - I have been holding my tongue around my MIL for four years now and only in the past week have I finally gotten the nerve to defend myself or speak up when she says or does something mean spirited or inappropriate. It feels wonderful - try it!
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March 2nd, 2008, 07:00 PM
Coffee_Bean's Avatar Cuz I got it like that!
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Wow, I would have been peed off if my MIL did that to me. Though I am very glad that your little girl is doing better.

I agree with JillyBean, open up and say something, or next time, she wont even bother calling you OR her daddy.

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March 5th, 2008, 05:15 AM
lunachik22's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 733
I can not believe she didnt call you!! Sounds like she wanted to "mother" your daughter and with her pesky DIL around she wouldn't be able to...what an #####.

Glad your little girl is feeling better!! She needed her mommy, not her grandmother playing "mommy"

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March 11th, 2008, 04:29 PM
Fire_Eyes876's Avatar Veteran
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I have had so many problems with her, and the thing is certain people that I talk to about it keep on saying stuff like "Maybe she doesn't realize what she is doing or saying." How could she not realize the things that she is saying, when it is so hurtful or when it makes someone so angry? Yeah, sure we all say things sometimes that are hurtful, but this is out of control. I have even caught her a couple of times "accidentally" calling herself "mommy" in front of Tanya. It has gotten so bad that I am seriously half tempted to write to Dr. Phil or something. I can't deal with this kind of crap anymore, its driving me nuts. The thing is I can't talk to her about it, because the last time I tried doing that, she made it out all to be about her, when its really about my two daughters, and she totally flipped out. Before when I would talk to her about it, she would be okay for about a couple of weeks and then things would turn to crap again. I honestly don't know what to do about it, or what to say to her.
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