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planning widely spaced siblings - and other's opinions (x-posted from playroom)

Forum: Widely Spaced Siblings


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February 7th, 2010, 03:17 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: *queen city* of North Carolina
Posts: 9,497
How do you deal w/ people's comments about adding a second child. We stand firm in our decision to wait on #2. So usually if its at work I have one response I use, if its church or among friends they start getting more personal when I reply that we're saving money for a second child.

I don't get it. Because when I say we're saving money and doing the "smart" thing for OUR family - people look at Hailey who so badly wants a brother or sister and say we're being mean to her or even if they don't say it directly that is the message they hint at.

For example, right now DD is putting socks and a jacket on her baby doll and swaddling her so that she can take a nap because she's tired. She pushes her doll in the stroller everywhere, insists on buckling her baby into a toy carseat. She sets up her baby's highchair and feeds her pretend food from her kitchen. I mean, this is how much she's into her baby doll.

I think...Hailey is just role playing what *I* do for a living (I am a preschool teacher and work with infants and toddlers specifically). if you ask her specifics about her actions she says she is "at work." So, I don't think its a "I want a baby sibling" but she does consider herself the mommy of her baby doll. And her baby doll is her daughter.

It just kinda bothers me, but I know that if she is THAT into her baby doll now then when she's 5-6 years old when we do plan to TTC she'll be even more into the real baby.

Proud Mommy To My Princess (5)
Watching over us -- August 2005, March 2010, October 2010, July 2011
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February 14th, 2010, 10:11 AM
LovinMyGirls's Avatar Proud Working Momma
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 15,490
I would try not to take it too personally. It's your life, your decision. You need to do what is best for your family, not what other's think is best for your family. My girls are 5.5 yrs apart (not planned) but my oldest was such a BIG help when her little sister was born because she could help with those things that your little one is taking interest in.

No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside." AA&NJ
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February 14th, 2010, 04:36 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 982
I agree with Amber...I'm pregnant with my 3rd...my first ds is 5.5 (will be 5yrs 11mo when babygirl is born) and my 2nd ds was stillborn in April. This pregnancy is HARD...not physically, but emotionally. We are thinking its our last because A) the more times you are pregnant the more you open yourself up to loss and I can't deal with another loss, even a miscarriage. and B) the simple fact that it is so hard emotionally...I don't know if I can go through this again. But my mom is already talking about us having more. Its like wait...what about what WE want?

I think it is perfectly acceptable to answer to ANYONE that you are doing what is right for YOUR family.
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010

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February 14th, 2010, 09:51 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,732
I'm 13 years older than my youngest siblings. My sister and I are 3 years apart and after her they waited awhile, and then had losses and infertility, so it was a 10 year gap between kids, and my parents got a lot of stupid questions. My mom's policy was that stupid questions deserved stupid answers. Her most common response was this:

"When you are ready to share the details of your sex life and family planning with me, then I will think about sharing mine with you."

My sister never had a younger sibling until she was 10, and she turned out to be pretty well adjusted. And I have a special bond with my brothers precisely BECAUSE I am so much older than they are. I can't tell you how awesome it is to be a widely spaced sibling!!! My sister and I hated each other during our teens because we were so close in age and very hormonal (we are best friends now though). My brothers and I have always liked each other though!!

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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