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Forum: Widely Spaced Siblings


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May 13th, 2010, 10:29 AM
MaggieLizer's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Loo-uh-vull, KY
Posts: 5,655
We will probably be waiting at least 5 more years to have our second child. I was thinking that 5 or 6 would be a good age for the first child to be while I'm pregnant with the second or while the second is still a baby.

What would be your ideal age difference between children? What would be the pros and cons of a 5 year age difference? Would you prefer to wait longer for any reason?
Michele - wife to Jason and mommy to Vincent (7/12/10) and Maggie (4/16/14)

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May 13th, 2010, 11:36 AM
Kathode's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 2,615
Hi Michele! Nice to see you here!

In my experience (Mia is 8 years old) for the pros, well your first will be in school probably, at least half-day kindergarten, so that gives you a nice break to rest when you're pregnant, and of course it gives you one-on-one time with the baby after it's born. Also, a 5-6 year old can usually amuse themselves for a longish time given something to do (like a craft or a puzzle) so if you've got to attend to baby, you don't have a toddler hanging off your leg. And kids that age are usually pretty helpful, so you can send him/her to grab you a diaper, or put their cup in the sink, or pick up the baby's toy that they just threw on the floor for the 17th time I guess another pro is that you can get your body back in shape between pregnancies.

As for the cons, I don't know if they'll actually play together that much given the age gap. And the one I'm worried about is how the older child will react since they've basically been an only child for so long, now all of a sudden they have to share. But at that age, they have a bit of a social life with school and activities and stuff so I'm thinking it shouldn't bother her that much. I'll let you know after baby comes!

Personally, we originally wanted our kids very close in age, like 15-18 months, but nature had other plans. Now that this is my reality, I can definitely see the many positive sides....

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May 14th, 2010, 06:26 AM
Lovinglifewithtwo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,553
Our daughter is 3 and we are debating how long to wait. I have heard wonderful things about waiting 4-6 years...but there are pros and cons to everything.

We are highly debating trying this summer, or if not, waiting until next summer. I almost feel like the outside pressure is too much to wait though..to be honest. I don't wait to wait too long though, to get to that point where I don't want to go back, and I am almost feeling the way now.

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May 14th, 2010, 07:18 AM
Kathode's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 2,615
ooh..that's a tough one. I am feeling that way now, although at 37 weeks pregnant it's a bit too late to go back! I'm just starting to freak a little bit about starting all over with a baby at this point. I guess that's one of the cons of having them so far apart, you get settled into one lifestyle and then it changes.

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May 15th, 2010, 04:03 PM
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 223
Baby's not here yet, but having a much younger sister I lived through the situation.

Pros: older kid is more or less self-sufficient (can go to the bathroom, fix himself a snack, get a drink, etc. on his own). He can entertain himself for a little while. He can understand that the baby needs attention because it can't do anything on its own. He can actively help with the baby if he so chooses. He'll be at school, giving Mum one-on-one time with baby.

Cons: older kid remembers what life was like before baby, which can be tricky if he's not wild about the new sibling. The age difference means that the kids probably won't share a lot of interests, play the same games or read the same books while they're young (it all evens out in adulthood).
married to Malcolm
mum of Ellis and "Phoebastian"

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June 12th, 2010, 12:04 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 5,566
I am a lurker here but i thought i would add my two cents. My step daughter is six and my son is 5 months but just came home from the hospital about 5 weeks ago (he was a preemie).

Pros are definitely that she can help, and she wants to help all the time. Its VERY helpful having her in the backseat with him to give him a paci or something if he needs it. Shes not with us full time but if she was she would be in school all day so i would still have all day alone time with the baby or to rest while pregnant. Like everyone else said she can also entertain herself for the most part.

With that being said i'm fairly sure they wont really be able to play together all that well especially since they are different genders. He's going to be into super heroes and trucks while shes a tween and wanting to wear makeup and listen to Hannah Montana.

She insists otherwise right now, and says she'll play with him when he's older but i dont really anticipate it happening as it would with closer based siblings

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June 15th, 2010, 11:58 AM
LovinMyGirls's Avatar Proud Working Momma
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 15,490
My girls are 5 years 4 months apart. It has pros and cons. They are definitely spaced apart so that Ari was a big help when Natalie was born but now that Ari is 10 and Natalie is nearly 5, Ari's getting to the age where Nat's a bit of a pain to her. But early on they play well together and all that despite their age difference.

No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside." AA&NJ
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June 17th, 2010, 12:33 AM
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 26
I'm due in Oct. and my son will be 4 years old next month. We waited because of financial reasons, really. Maybe we'll have another in 4 more years... lol.

Osker Benjamin - 7.06
June HarperLee - 11.10
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