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The term angel babies

Forum: Atheist and Agnostic Parenting


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December 7th, 2011, 10:19 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 444
How do you feel about the term/idea of angel baby?

After having a miscarriage earlier this year I've heard this term quite a bit. I think the idea is cute and comforting, but in the end, it just seems so fake. Like it gives you a fake sense of security that your baby is ok. When, well to be harsh, it's dead, gone.

I still cry about my miscarriage from time to time. But I can't just pretend that my baby is up flying around in heaven. If anything, it seems more disrespectful, almost as if I'm refusing to acknowledge the loss. And honestly, it kind of makes it harder to move on.

Now I'd never argue with this term with others who have lost a baby through miscarriage, aboriton, or still birth. After going through a miscarriage myself I know how hard and sad the loss can be.
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December 7th, 2011, 10:56 PM
Jenna's Avatar AWESOME!!!
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Originally Posted by Rinchan View Post
I think the idea is cute and comforting, but in the end, it just seems so fake.
That basically sums up how I feel about it. Honestly, I just try not to think about it. It's not one of those things I would ever feel comfortable 'debating' with someone because of the loss involved. Pregnancy loss is a traumatizing event for anybody, and I would just feel like a total douche for figuratively tossing salt on someone's wound.
Relating to your recent experiences with this idea, though: I do think it's kinda rude of a person to assume that the woman who experienced a loss would share their belief system. A simple "I'm sorry for your loss" would suffice. No need to bring up angels or God.
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December 9th, 2011, 04:44 PM
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Semi-Serious, Semi-Sarcastic question...

If you have an "angel-baby I assume it goes to heaven. So that means that if I am a believer that once I get to heaven, that I will be responsible for a small child for eternity?

As awesome as I think kids are, the idea of having to care for one for eternity is just...horrifying.
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December 11th, 2011, 01:36 PM
*Kiliki*'s Avatar i have absolute power
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for me if it helps the person move on and feel better about the loss...then hey whatever....a loss is HARD...and people have different ways of coping with it

Kristy, wife to Karl 6.16.01, Mom to Raianna 12.7.00, Elyse 12.3.02 and Helena 7.20.07, step-mom to Frankie 7.3.97 and step-grandma to October 3.9.15

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December 15th, 2011, 07:28 PM
JustLiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have not had a pregnancy loss, but dealt with infertility for a long time. I almost feel like it would be worse to be a believer. Then you would have to think that God doesn't want you to be a parent? I don't really get it. Don't really know what to think about the angel thing. It has never seemed like an attractive idea to me, but I try to be supportive of whatever seems to make people feel better. I'm sorry for your loss.
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December 19th, 2011, 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Rinchan View Post
I think the idea is cute and comforting, but in the end, it just seems so fake. Like it gives you a fake sense of security that your baby is ok. When, well to be harsh, it's dead, gone.
This. I've never experience loss, and I can't say how I would react, but having given it thought throughout my pregnancies... this. It's not very comforting, and I often wonder how atheists/agnostics handle deep loss. Obviously I hope not to find out, but life doesn't always work that way.
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December 21st, 2011, 07:04 AM
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I've always wondered about this too. A while back on JM an infant passed away. People from all over JM posted things to the mom about how her baby was now "with Jesus" and the like... all I could think about was how do these "strangers" know the mom's beliefs? I know someone who is Jewish who had a stillbirth. She said in Judaism angels are much different than they are in Christianity, so she does not refer to her son as an "angel baby." I hate how some people assume everyone is Christian like they are.

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January 13th, 2012, 09:46 AM
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I wouldn't want all of the "with Jesus" spiel if I lost my baby.. I suppose I view "angel baby" as a politically correct or more polite/sensitive way to say "baby who died."

I hear you on not wanting to take care of a small baby for eternity!

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January 19th, 2012, 06:05 AM
Story's Avatar French Canadian
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I think the same as Jintana.
Angel-baby is only a prettier term, for me, to say "baby who died".

I don't believe in angels or heaven, but I do say I have an angel-baby.

But me too, -erin-, I'm annoyed when people just assume everybody's christian!

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February 23rd, 2012, 07:36 AM
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I personally don't like the term. Especially since I believe it usually refers to m/c.
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April 1st, 2012, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by JustLiz View Post
I have not had a pregnancy loss, but dealt with infertility for a long time. I almost feel like it would be worse to be a believer. Then you would have to think that God doesn't want you to be a parent?
I couldn't agree more. At least if you don't believe in God, you can blame science, the "odds", BIOLOGY for not being able to conceive, and you can then MOVE ON to different options, should you so choose.
However, if you are a believer, I can see you ruminating, and blaming yourself, being filled with guilt over something that - whichever way you look at it - is out of your control... except that in one scenario you accept it as the "odds", and in the other, you can't help but think you are somehow responsible for it.
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April 16th, 2012, 08:11 AM
RinkMom's Avatar Super Hockey Mom
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I call them angel babies but not in the sense of 'angels'. I just don't know of a better word. I don't believe in angels, reincarnation or heaven.
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April 30th, 2012, 09:07 PM
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I do cringe a little when I hear the term. It seems like someone trying to gloss over something that's painful and raw. I feel like I would hear it and read it as 'Stop feeling as bad as you do, everything is fine.'
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Hellen Keller
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August 16th, 2012, 08:03 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: An American in Melbourne, Australia
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I think if it helps someone else cope with the loss, it's fine for them to use the term in reference to their own situation. But to use it in reference to someone else's loss is ignorant and rude.

I have healthy, happy children but I have also had one miscarriage. I do not think of that baby as an angel baby, I just think of it as the baby I never had. It died. It's gone. I'm not going to see it again, and I wouldn't appreciate someone else implying that I will. "I'm sorry for your loss" is a much kinder thing to say than "your angel baby is in heaven now" It's an assumption that's not OK to make. I don't believe that, and as others have pointed out, in many religions that wouldn't follow their beliefs either.

I think of the baby I lost now and then, but truth be told, I was only nine weeks along. It didn't look much like a little person yet. We had not bonded. I had not held him/her. My miscarriage was hard, but not life altering. My experience would be nothing in comparison to someone who has lost a baby to SIDS or for some other reason.

In any case, my baby is not an angel. It's just gone.
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A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one.

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