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September 22nd, 2012, 05:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,051
Well I've been MIA. I'm sorry.
I hope I haven't missed too much!

We've had an eventful couple of days.
A little back story for you girls....

When DH was married, the reason they got divorced was because:
1. She was a very irresponsible mother, and left the kids home with him while she went out to party.
2. She was cheating on him with Joe, who she is still with now.

Got it?

So she has been around more lately....and even though whenever the kids stay with her, it causes problems, DH and I welcomed her because the kids need their mom, and there is only so much I can do as a step parent.
So we have been supportive, and let the kids go with her whenever she calls, and things have been okay.
Well, Thursday night, she wanted to take the kids to spend the night at her house. She lives with Joe and told us they had moved from where they were living before, but that she would text DH the address. So we packed them a bag, and sent them off.
2 hours later, her phone was shut off, the kids phones weren't answered, and DH was anxious. We waited until the morning, and woke up to a voice mail on DH's phone from a private number that she was keeping the kids, and not bringing them home, and they need to be with her, and blah blah blah.
Well DH called the cops, and they said, since there is no legal custody agreement, they can't really do anything unless she takes them out of state.
So he's freaking out, and I decide, hey....Let's just go to where her and Joe lived before.
So off we went. And they were there.
DH and Joe almost got in a fight, Wendy was literally holding the door closed with a chair not letting the kids out to even talk to us. Finally DH threatened to call the cops, and she let up. Kids are home with us now.
Needless to say, it's been a strange couple of days. She keeps calling wanting to see the kids and DH keeps saying no. We've been talking to a lawyer about a custody agreement, so that the kids can see their mom, but not spend the night there, and if she goes against the agreement she can get legal punishment. It was scary, but I'm glad DH is finally putting his foot down, I just wish it hadn't come to this for it to happen. The lawyer is talking about having me adopt them so that legally if she takes them it would be considered kidnapping, but we haven't decided on that yet.

Maya is having issues again with it. She wants to live with her mom, even though it's not good for her. Her mom is so unstable and irresponsible. I know we're not as fun, and we don't go out and do all the things her mom does, and we stay home and watch movies and eat home cooked food, instead of going out every night and eating at every resturaunt in town, but she really doesn't realize that stuff isn't important and I'm so worried for her. I understand she wants her mom in her life, because I wanted my mom when she left too. But I know now how bad it could have been if I WAS with her, and I'm thankful I was with my grandma, even if we had our hard times. I just hope she comes around.

Anyway, things are getting back to normal, and I'm back. Just busy. But back.
What did I miss?
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September 22nd, 2012, 05:36 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 555
Wow Cyndi. Thats insane. Those kids are lucky to have you and your DH! Glad you are back!
Hannah - finally Expecting Babies 1 & 2!!!!
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September 22nd, 2012, 05:46 AM
Mommy of 3
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 2,241
I'm so sorry you had to go through that!! I'm glad they're back home now

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September 22nd, 2012, 05:53 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,051
Thanks girls.
I knew something like this was going to happen. I'm just happy DH is taking control.

Happy to be back home!
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September 22nd, 2012, 05:55 AM
Boss Mama
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 8,251
OMG that is scary. So glad they are home safe and sound. I was in Maya situation before. My parents divorced when i was 7 and my dad got custody of us because my mom was never home and partied all thetime. Well when i got my period in grade 6 i guess i felt like i couldnt talk to my dad about that kind of stuff so i wanted to live with my mom even though it wasnt a great environment.

I hope she realizes that she has you to talk to about anything and everything and decides that her living with her mom is not best.

Glad your back girl
BFP #1 - Baby boy born May 10 1998
BFP #2 - Baby Girl born March 22 2002
BFP #3 - Baby girl born September 18 2009
We started trying for our last child in September 2011 and it has been a rollercoaster
BFP #4 Baby girl Lauren born sleeping at 18 weeks July 5 2012 (PPROM) no answers why
BFP #5 - D&C Feb 11 2013 (heart Stopped at 13 weeks)
BFP #6 - Miscarriage at 8 weeks Nov 28 2014
BFP #7 - Baby girl Kimiah Genesis born sleeping at 23 weeks June 28 2016 (PPROM and PtL) found out after autopsy i had an infection and need to go on antibiotic therapy if i get pregnant

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Some days i feel to just give up but a part of me can't let go of the thought of hopefully one day God blessing us again!!!!
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September 22nd, 2012, 06:16 AM
captivate's Avatar Sticky thoughts please...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Stockport UK
Posts: 7,473
I have been waiting for a update like this since the last time. Sorry Maya is having a hard time still. Thats girls for you, its a natural instinct to want mother nomater how she is. I was the same when I was younger, the times the police had to take me from my mum back to my Nana when my mum was high on drugs and booze, but still I screamed at my Nana and Grandad until they let me back with my Mum. My Nana and Grandad adopted me off my mother when I was 1. They became my legal guardians and they gave my mum chance after chance but she blew it but still I needed my mum. I can really relate to Maya but she needs to see it through anothers eyes that being with her Mum would be bad for her but im sure she never will because the bond between a mother and daughter is so strong.

I am sorry you have had to go through all this too, adopting them is a massive conmmitment, here you can not do that unless you fight for it in court of the mum says yes on legal paper. I hope you can sort something out. What does the son say about it all?
Charlie born18th July 8lb8oz 50cm
TTC for 2 years. I never gave up thanks to the girls of TTC

I have 2 miracles on earth and 5 angels in heaven

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September 22nd, 2012, 06:43 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,051
I was the same way...We were even put in foster care because of my mother/father's actions but I always defended them. Even after my mom passed away from overdosing, I cried for years over loosing her. I took my dad's death easier, because I had grown up some more and understood that he did it to himself, but with my mom it took a really long time. That's why I'm trying so hard to be understanding of her. I get it, I just worry she's blinding herself to the truth because she wants so bad for her mom to be good. I want her mom to be a part of her life, but I really don't know if it's the best thing right now. And she's lucky. I'm not the perfect parent, but I've 100% been there through thick and thin for her. Most of the girls without a mom don't have a step mom or any kind of motherly figure who really tries for them. Sometimes I feel like I don't get the credit I deserve for taking on two step kids. It's much harder than I anticipated!

As for adopting, it's just something the lawyer suggested. I love my stepkids, but I don't know that I would do that. It would be a massive fight for nothing. As long as DH has primary custody I'll be happy.

Kevin is taking it well. Kevin and his dad are so close. He wants to live with us, and stay with his dad. Even though DH is hard on him, they are the closest I've ever seen a teenage boy and his dad. We're not too worried about him, but Maya is really acting out. She said some really mean things to DH too, and he had tears running down his cheeks and she just walked away and never said sorry.

I really don't know what to do, but I do know there is no way we are giving her up without a fight. She doesn't know it now, but later she will be grateful. Hopefully.

Last edited by CyndiBear; September 22nd, 2012 at 06:45 AM.
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September 22nd, 2012, 08:13 AM
Oilfield_Wife's Avatar TTC#3
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Robinson Illinois
Posts: 631
I've been through a similar thing with my daughters dad. I know it is frustrating and hard and you just don't understand why a grown adult needs to act so immature. My DH just adopted my daughter and her dad hasn't been in the picture for almost 3 years.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this and I hope things get better for your family

**Thank you Jaidynsmum for my siggy**

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September 22nd, 2012, 08:37 AM
Caerus's Avatar Happy as a (Tired) Clam
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,034
Wow, that is really scary! I'm glad y'all managed to find them, and get the kids back.

Thumbs up to your DH for stepping up to get an actual custody agreement in place, hopefully that will help a lot.

Thanks to Bokkechick for the lovely siggie.

Mama to DD (Born 9/21/2014)& 2 Angels in Heaven
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September 22nd, 2012, 08:42 AM
i:heart:you's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Scranton, PA
Posts: 17,033
Wow that's crazy! That's a lot to deal with, I agree you guys need that custody agreement, I wouldn't let her see the kids until that is place, I wouldn't want her to try to pull something like that again. Hugs!

**Thank you Bokkechick for my awesome siggy**
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September 22nd, 2012, 10:07 AM
ninja_mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Oahu
Posts: 7,228
What a crazy woman! I hope that all the court stuff works in your favor. I would keep an extra eye though.

Oct '11 June '12
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September 22nd, 2012, 10:28 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: B.C. Canada
Posts: 1,007
Wow, that must have been so scary for you guys. Definitely get that custody agreement done, then at least you have something legal to fall back on if she tries something like that again.
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September 22nd, 2012, 01:24 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
Oh that is SO horrible I hope in the end the kids end up with the best possible outcome for them, and less drama for you guys and everyone involved. How scary!
Thank you Jaidynsmum for the beautiful siggy!
Check out the Attachment Parenting Board for Effective Parenting Solutions.
PM me if have questions about autism, TTC gender swaying, natural childbirth, going "vaccine-free", or if you are looking for gentle discipline advice.
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September 22nd, 2012, 03:52 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NM
Posts: 2,492
Sounds scary!

I am glad your DH put his foot down though!
TTC #1
Diagnosed with thyroid disease 5/2013
Actively trying 11/2015

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September 22nd, 2012, 06:08 PM
Aillidh's Avatar Nár lagaí Dia do lámh!
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Somewhere in NY
Posts: 8,491
Whoa, that had to be so scary for you guys I'm sorry it took this but hopefully the courts will see through all of the BS and figure out custody quickly so nobody is hurt in the process. You and your family is in my thoughts, Cyndi
Finnegan [11.29.15] & Sullivan [08.03.17]
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September 22nd, 2012, 08:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,224
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September 22nd, 2012, 09:27 PM
Frozenoj's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: West Florida
Posts: 3,556
That is so terrible. I'm glad you guys are working on getting a custody agreement.

Thanks Bokkechick for my wonderful siggy!
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September 23rd, 2012, 08:21 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 12,329
Oh man! Those kids are lucky to have you in their life and lucky they have a dad that cares so much for them. I hope the mother of the kids realizes that lying and trying to take the kids like that isn't setting a good example for her children. I hope she grows up and works out an agreement with you guys so you all can raise the kids in a healthy way.
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