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Worst day of my life so far....:-(

Forum: Trying to Conceive


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May 5th, 2013, 01:55 PM
Seaweed's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Brampton, Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 496
AF showed up, it really doesnt feel right. Everything seemed perfect so far.....timings, place....just everything. We were sooo certain this was it. Can not describe the disappointment. I had to be strong and pretend I am happy as we had a bbq in the garden and lots of guests. Now everyone has gone I am sooo depressed and just want to disappear. I want some me time. I dont want to talk to anyone....not even my husband. I am hating the world at the moment. We have arranged a doctors appointment for next week. I am very young and healthy so we would expect it to have happened by now, I know everyone says it can take a year for healthy couples but I know non healthy couples that have conceived in 4-5 months and people having one night stands and getting pregnant by accident....so it just doesnt sit right in my head to have to wait. Also if there is something wrong I'd rather know now so I can start doing something about it.....NOT a year later and delay things more. I am devastated, so is hubby. I have been crying and crying and crying. All I can think is....maybe its the pill's fault. Before I started taking it I was a regular 28 day girl....after I stopped it my cycles became longer and they havent been very regular since.....comparing to my previous cycle it is looking like my cycles are now becoming regular again.....maybe my body is still trying to get back to normal from the pill that's why I havent conceived yet. After you come off the pill is there a recommended time by doctor's to start trying for a baby or does it not matter whether you start straight away or a couple of months later? Anyways, thank you all ladies for all the support for another cycle...onto the next one now....I might not be around for the next few days....I am not feeling really social or well so won't be really talkative. I will come back for a catch up as soon as I feel positive again. Please keep me updated. Looking forward to your posts!
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May 5th, 2013, 02:50 PM
bella88's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,776
I am sorry you are having a rough day . TTC can suck pretty hard at times. There are always cycles where everything is done and timed perfectly and nothing comes of it, or at least that has been my experiences and from what I have seen on this board. I have also seen some way out cycles where people called out because of horrible months of stress and sex way before O and they have ended in BFP. It's just one of those things where you can do the right things and then hope that all went together. How old are you? I know I'm 24 and I looked up the average time it takes a healthy couple to conceive and I think it was 7-8 months? I thought it would happen for us straight away too, especially with all the accidental pregnancies and "one hit wonders" you hear about. You never seem to hear about the people who took a while in everyday life. It sucks that so much of what needs to happen for things to work for a cycle goes on inside of our bodies and is out of our control. I too came off the pill and it took a little while for my body to readjust to making all the hormones itself again. The doctor said to me that it's fine to start out straight away and that the pill is out of your cycle pretty quickly but the body can take some time to play catchup, especially if you haven't been off it all that long. I had about 3 or 4 months of wacky O dates and luteal phases before things mostly levelled out. Try not to lose hope, this cycle wasn't it but you will get your turn soon . If it makes you feel better you could always get checked out at the doctor but sometimes these things just take time and no matter how much we want it, our turn won't come until it is meant to. Good luck with your TTC journey and I hope your turn is right around the corner!
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May 5th, 2013, 03:07 PM
Seaweed's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Brampton, Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 496
Hey Bella, thank you soooo much for the support, I appreciate it. I really need it at the moment. I am 23. I stopped the pill in January but I was only on it for 3-4 months so I didn't think it would have a big effect on me! Before I started it I was regular as clockwork, every 28 days. Since January my cycles have been all over the place! I have had one that has been 32 days long and an Ovulation on DC19! The last 2 cycles have been 30 days long and AF was at 14dpo so I think it is getting some ''pattern'' now. I went on to countdown to pregnancy where it has a cycle lenth claculator and some other calculators and it helped me a lot. I was sure my period would come yesterday, according to my diary. However for some crazy reason the website thought my period was due today.....and well it was right. It has helped a lot the last couple of days with calculations and I have actually understood my cycles now. I only just realised how irregular and long they have been since january and how they are regulating now! How long have you been TTC for? Thank you soooo much, really. You are making me feel a tinsy bit better!
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May 5th, 2013, 03:12 PM
2015 Offshoremama78's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 6,371
So sorry, I had that feeling last month.. And then that dam ******
came and ruined it for me.. I an sending HUGE hugs to you.. We will
both get our BFP, at just the perfect time...
Seaweed likes this.
Soy Iso Believer
Alexander conceived with Soy Iso On 07/04/13
Abigail conceived with Soy Iso 12/30/14

Alexander Cameron Murphy
02/27/2014 - 02/27/2014
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May 5th, 2013, 03:52 PM
Pray, then pray some more
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,090
AF showed up for me today too. It really sucks to be so depressed and to have to pretend that all is well. I usually have a hard time at work the first couple of days after AF shows. ((hugs))
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May 5th, 2013, 04:19 PM
Orangebrittainy's Avatar Queen of Randomocity
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Small Town NC
Posts: 4,817
*Hugs* We have have our rough times. Keep in there!
Seaweed likes this.

Thank you *Kiliki* for once again doing such amazing work on a siggie
I can do all things through Christ which Strengtheneth me. (Phil 4:13)

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May 5th, 2013, 04:49 PM
jeweluv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,420
Aw, hon....I will pray for you! Please don't lose hope! It WILL happen! <> Hang in there and remind yourself that today, if you want to have a baby there usually is a way!!! If you are healthy it is probably just a bonus!!! It is only a matter of time!! I remember my mom telling me, because she had an incompetent cervix (and back then they knew almost nothing about it)...that she was so jealous because she couldn't stay pregnant. She had two babies before me that were born around 22 weeks and didn't make it. Then, she got pregnant with me (she is on FULL bed rest for all 9 months)....my father left her! (Didn't meet him til recently)

She talks about those dark days as an obvious distant memory. This TTC journey will be a distant memory for you soon and all you will think about is the next journey; pregnancy and motherhood!!!

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May 5th, 2013, 08:08 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: TN
Posts: 5,590
I am so sorry sweetie that AF showed up I know exactly how you feel and how heart breaking it is for AF to show up when you did everything right in your cycle. TTC is and can be totally exhausting physically, emotionally, and mentally. Trust me I am right there with you right now. When we had to cancel our IUI cycle this month, I pretty much hit rock bottom. I cried all day Thursday, I was so devastated and still am.

I think you are being very wise by getting checked out just to make sure everything is fine. I can also echo what Elissa said, my OB told me that once I came off the pill that it could take a bit for my body to figure things out but we could go ahead and start TTC right away.

I truly hope that you get your bfp this cycle!!! Fingers crossed for you!!! Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way!!!
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May 6th, 2013, 05:39 AM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: OCNY
Posts: 6,445
I am so sorry. I had the same feeling last month I will keep everything crossed for you!

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May 6th, 2013, 07:44 AM
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: tennessee
Posts: 400
I hope you get bfp soon. I cried all day on my bday when af came too. Im so sorry. All you can do iskeep trying and dont lose hope. It will happen when its meant too
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May 6th, 2013, 09:10 AM
WaitinginNJ's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,640
Chin Up Buttercup! No matter what anyone says, how encouraging we all try to be, at the end of the day we do need our me time. Get our thoughts together, regroup and get ready to take over the ovaries again!!! I hope you feel better soon and look forward to traveling this journey with you...virtually of course

RIP Julianna Rose-Marie Tyreesa
June 6, 2014

My Ovulation Chart

My Ovulation Chart
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May 6th, 2013, 09:44 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,411
I'm so sorry sweetie!! I think we all can sympathize with how you are feeling. AF was 5 days late for me this month and I was convinced I was pregnant….. but, I wasn't. FX that it will happen for you soon!! ((hugs))
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May 6th, 2013, 10:12 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3,402
I'm sorry you are going through this. I am also trying to regulate after the pill. I've been off for 3 months now and my cycles are completely crazy. My last one was 72 days long and I had to take provera to start my period. I feel for you...it's so disheartening. I hope our bodies will straighten themselves out soon!
Seaweed likes this.
Stopped BCP & began TTC in January 2013- no ovulation, no cycles for 3 months
May-July 2013- provera cycles with no ovulation
August/September 2013-50 mg clomid cycles with no ovulation
October 2013- SA revealed low motility--referred to RE
January 2014- DHs repeat SA came back "normal"! I was diagnosed with PCOS
February 2014- IUI #1 on Valentine's Day with 2 mature follicles- BFN
March 2014- BCP to clear up cysts
April 2014- IUI #2 on 4/9/14 with 3 mature follicles and 3 catching up! BFP at 10dpiui!!!!!! So thankful!!! Beta #1 @ 13 DPO- 167; Beta #2 @ 15 DPO- 384!

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May 6th, 2013, 10:40 AM
mom2ariana's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 570
So sorry to hear! I am 22 and worry sometimes that I will be one of those couples who take a while.

Just remember, all in God's timing.. There is a perfect reason why you haven't had your little bean yet, it's just not too clear at the moment. (:
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May 6th, 2013, 11:02 AM
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 64
So sorry I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was on the the bcp for years in my teens/20s and I knew as soon as I got married I wanted to conceive so I spoke with my gyno about it way in advance. She recommended stopping the pill 3 months before I wanted to start trying - so I did and I thought everything would be just all fine and dandy. Well it didn't happen the first month...and then it didn't happen the 2nd month...and so on and so on. So I started pestering my gyno - wanting to get any and every test that was available because I felt the same way as you - if this isn't happening, I want to know why NOW. Not wait a year until I'm deemed "infertile" and THEN figure it out - what if it had been as simple as taking clomid, you know?! I felt like I didn't have that time to waste; I needed to get this show on the road! Through each test we did, I learned that everything is ok with my body (save for some minor (hopefully) hormone issues) and everything is ok with dh's body. On the one hand, I'm happy that we are healthy and (so I'm told) able to conceive/have a baby but on the other hand, I feel like, well what's the problem then!? We are now on our 11th cycle of ttc and I can't say it gets easier....some moments I'm hopeful, some I'm depressed, some I'm hopeless, but most of the time I'm just kind of.....numb about it?.....

So moral of the story is.....I don't really have any words of wisdom that will make anything better for you but I just wanted to share a bit about my journey so far so that you know you are most DEFINITELY not alone. It is hard (though exciting) to see all of these women around us and on this board even get their bfps and it can be discouraging if we are trying and trying and haven't gotten ours yet, but I think it's still a great place for us to gather and share our experiences because each journey is unique and you never know who might identify with and find comfort in the experiences that you share. So let's stick together!

I hope you start feeling better soon - the depths of ttc depression is not a fun place to hang out for too long.

Sorry for the novel
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May 6th, 2013, 01:31 PM
Seaweed's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Brampton, Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 496
I just wanna say....thank you all soooo much for all the support and for being there. All you ladies are brilliant and I dont know what I would do without you. Thank you for everything, you all made me feel sooo much better. I just can not understand life. There is couples wanting a baby and trying for ages, sometimes years without success for no reason, healthy couples! And then the person that doesnt want a baby, happens to forget to use contraception one night and BAM pregnant! I just dont get it! When this happens it just makes it seem soooo easy! And then you remember of those days when you used to go to school and you had the world and the sex ed teacher screaming at you about using protection or you will get pregnant and now I am thinking....yeah bollocks.....you are more likely to NOT get pregnant by the looks of it lol. My mum had me by accident. She was 19 and hadnt planned me. She decided to keep me so my parents got forced by their parents to get married to avoid the neighbourhood's gossip......and now they are divorced obviously! My mum didn't want this and straight away she got pregnant and may I add, I was not her first pregnancy! She had had another accident with my dad before me, but had an abortion! And then it was me and she just couldnt do it again! So my mother makes it look sooooo easy! TWICE, just like that! grrrrrr. And today I got really upset cause I had a colleague at work running around telling everyone she was pregnant! She said it was an accident but she is keeping it....I was happy for her cause I thought its a blessing to be pregnant and she was very lucky to have had this sort of ''accident'' but at the same time I cant stop thinking ''if its that simple then why???? why am I not pregnant yet? I was crying aaaall day at work to eventually find out that my colleague was just joking.....that was NOT funny! She went around the store telling everyone that as a joke!!!!! WHAT THE HELL???? But then again she is only 18....lol. I am happy for anyone who gets pregnant and excited and I wish them the best, but not getting a bfp is really hard so I can't stop myself from getting upset. I am happy for other people but upset its not my turn yet. I bought some OMEGA 3 and Evening Primerose Oil for me and DH is taking some fertility vitamins too. I am NOT using OPK's or temps or anything this month and I am not timing anything. I am going to play it natural and listen to my body. I have come to realise that if its the time for it to happen then charts and OPK's won't make the difference. There is people doing it all the right days unsuccesfully and others trying a week before ovulation and get a bfp either because they Oed early or swimmers lived longer! I will just do it when I feel like it, listen to my body and let nature do its work this month....see if it makes a difference. Our doctor's appointment is Thursday 16th May.....I can't wait. Thank you all again soooo much for being here for me! Keep me posted with your updates! Off to the cinema to watch iron man 3 with hubby now. GRRR I feel sooo guilty every time I look at that actor! I just ADORE HIM! LOL LOL
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May 6th, 2013, 01:52 PM
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 64
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better!!! It's SOOO important to not turn this into a stressful chore, you know? That can wreak such havoc on your relationship, not to mention possibly sabotage your efforts to conceive.

I know what you mean about feeling guilty! I can't watch The Voice when DH is around because Adam Levine makes me downright GIDDY! lol!
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