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Forum: Trying to Conceive


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May 24th, 2013, 02:35 PM
mom2ariana's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 570
I hope you girls can help me with this one. As some of you know, my co-worker just found out she's pregnant about 6 weeks after I started trying. She didn't try and it happened on accident. I am a bit concerned about a few things.

She works in my department. With the exception of the managers, me and her are the only other ones in the department. It's going to be seriously difficult for them to get things done with both of us out. I'm concerned about our maternity leaves running into each other. To be perfectly honest, I'm not concerned about it for anyone but my own sake. The company is huge and can go on without us, it will just be inconvenient. I know that sounds selfish. I'm mainly concerned that they will be angry that I planned a baby this close knowing that she was pregnant. I feel like she won't get any of the heat and it'll all be put on me. I'm definitely not going to halt my baby-trying, they'll have to deal. But that doesn't mean I'm not scared of the backlash. Just because she happened to get pregnant on accident when I was trying doesn't mean I should stop trying, right?

I plan to contact my HR department AFTER I find out I'm pregnant. Of course, this won't be an issue if I don't get pregnant within the next few months. But, our maternity leave here is 12 weeks, and chances are good that they will overlap some. If I was successful this cycle, they will almost totally overlap with the exception of only 2 weeks in between the start of her's and the start of mine.

What advice do you ladies have?
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May 24th, 2013, 02:41 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 698
Well which one is more important? Conceiving in the next few months or not being inconvenienced at work? If you don't mind putting it off cause you don't want the hassle, then just stop ttc for a few months. If you are just dying to have that baby and the inconvenience is just a side note, don't put it off. I personally would not worry at all about the company so just make the decision that is right for you!
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May 24th, 2013, 04:05 PM
~ Nicole ~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 4,925
Well most people only take 6 weeks up to 12 weeks of maternity leave before coming back to work. So if she is already pregnant than by time you get pregnant she will probably already be at least 3 months pregnant. So timing wise she will probably be coming back from maternity leave before your baby is even born or shortly after if you get pregnant this month. I would not worry about it too much or feel guilty. Sounds like the two of you won't even end up on maternity leave at the same time and if so at the most only a couple weeks.

Me(35) DS(12) DS(14)

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May 24th, 2013, 05:57 PM
Gamer_Princess's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,032
Honestly I would not worry about work BECAUSE of the fact that it may just work out where she is coming back as you are leaving for maternity leave. I do not want be negative BUT sometimes it can take a while to get pregnant. I would not play the what if game I would do what I want and if it affects work they cannot fire you for being pregnant. I would rather have my baby than not trying because of work.
TTC since 2010


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May 24th, 2013, 06:09 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 603
You shouldn't put your baby making on hold because someone else got pregnant at work, planned or not. The point is that it seems that you plan on going back to work anyways, and you have a right to have a baby just as much as she does. Honestly it will never be convienent for any woman who works to have a baby, but companies know this and have to suck it up and deal with it. And like Nicole said, if you got Preg this cycle she would almost be 3 months ahead of you so it probably won't be an issue.
Expecting our Rainbow baby October 23rd, 2014!

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May 24th, 2013, 06:21 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3,402
I would definitely still TTC...they can make it work!
Stopped BCP & began TTC in January 2013- no ovulation, no cycles for 3 months
May-July 2013- provera cycles with no ovulation
August/September 2013-50 mg clomid cycles with no ovulation
October 2013- SA revealed low motility--referred to RE
January 2014- DHs repeat SA came back "normal"! I was diagnosed with PCOS
February 2014- IUI #1 on Valentine's Day with 2 mature follicles- BFN
March 2014- BCP to clear up cysts
April 2014- IUI #2 on 4/9/14 with 3 mature follicles and 3 catching up! BFP at 10dpiui!!!!!! So thankful!!! Beta #1 @ 13 DPO- 167; Beta #2 @ 15 DPO- 384!

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May 24th, 2013, 06:36 PM
Lucy S.'s Avatar POAS addict
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay area CA
Posts: 6,042
It sounds like you have already made up your mind.
If you are in the US you have all the rights you would if she wasn't pg.
Due with #3
10 IUIs= one confirmed /IVF= BFN / FET= / FET2= Baby!
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May 24th, 2013, 06:45 PM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: OCNY
Posts: 6,445
Yea I wouldnt worry. Do what you gotta do for your family! Definitely not worth the stress of worrying about something that MAY not happen!
that being said, good luck to you

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May 24th, 2013, 11:22 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: TN
Posts: 5,590
I agree with what Leslie wrote. She nailed it!!
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May 27th, 2013, 09:16 AM
Orangebrittainy's Avatar Queen of Randomocity
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Small Town NC
Posts: 4,817
I'm mainly concerned that they will be angry that I planned a baby this close knowing that she was pregnant. I feel like she won't get any of the heat and it'll all be put on me.
I hope this doesn't come off as harsh but here it goes: . If this becomes an issue then you are working with the wrong company. Bottom line is work doesn't know you are planning to have children and even if they do SO WHAT. We can plan as much as we want but only the Lord can make it happen. They can't lash out on you for getting pregnant, regardless of if there is another pregnant woman in your department. If they even attempt to lash out at you there are legal consequences. What this will most likely mean for the company is that they will need to hire a temporary person to assist the two of you with your job.
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I can do all things through Christ which Strengtheneth me. (Phil 4:13)

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May 28th, 2013, 07:30 AM
mom2ariana's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 570
thanks so much ladies! i'm really glad I'm not just feeling selfish and that I actually DO have a right to continue TTC. Sometimes the line between protecting my job and doing what is right for me and my family becomes a bit hazy, simply because I need my job to protect my family!

I totally agree that if they are mad I'm not working for the right company, but unfortunately for me that doesn't mean much as I just can't up and leave, ya know?
to clarify, if I get pregnant this cycle, I'll be 4 weeks by the time I find out and she will be 8 when I find out ( i counted wrong ), but she is planning 3 months and I am planning 3 months, so two months of our maternity leaves would overlap. Although I agree, playing the what-if game is silly. That's me though, I tend to analyze, over analyze, and re analyze everything!

This is going to sound so bad and selfish, but here goes. Part of me feels angry that she has stolen the spotlight in the sense that everyone is excited for her pregnancy. Mine will just feel a burden to them now and no one will be excited for me. When I am away from the office for a while (like this weekend) I begin feeling better about this whole TTC journey. But then I get back. And I hear that she's working from home because she got sick and blah blah blah. It just SUCKS. But I hate to even entertain those thoughts because they truly are so selfish. I know I can tell you guys though because you're so understanding and so NOT judgemental.
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May 28th, 2013, 08:12 AM
WaitinginNJ's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,640
I did not read all of the responses on her, so I apologize if I am stating something you already know

Legally, there is NOTHING your company can do to stop you from conceiving and they CANNOT release either of you for being pregnant and having an overlap on maternity leaves. So long as you return within the agreement of your leave, they have to hold a job for you.

As far as contacting HR Direct, they will more than likely provide you with instructions on how to request your leave, however that is not due until you are closer to your due date. I know in NJ they pay for your leave does not begin until you actually have the baby, unless of course your doctor pulls you out sooner due to health concerns.

So in short, relax and don't let this stress you out at all and continue DTD and make that baby!! Good Luck!
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June 6, 2014

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