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Starting to think about not staying with him

Forum: Divorce and Separation


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April 18th, 2010, 06:57 PM
Shyann's_Mommy09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 3,031
I guess when I left DH I had the thought that we would be able to fix things and work things out and we would want to be together but Im starting to really wonder if thats what I want to do.

I enjoy the time that I do spend with him but he just has not stepped up to the plate like I had hoped he would and Im just starting to wonder if Im really that into saving our relationship.

We had a 3 hour disscussion on the phone the other day and he pretty much told me that he was so mad at me the first few days that I had left that if the chance would have come up he may have cheated on me with his ex. Now along with this he has also been turning to her for support in all of our problems and she decided to leave her husband too, no doubt with thoughts of getting with mine because she has admitted to still being in love with him.

Im having a hard time accepting this and I dont think I should have to live with this. I told him that I wouldnt come home unless he decided to not talk to her and cut ties forever and at first he didnt like the idea but eventually he agreed to it. The only thing is I think he agreed to do it just to get me to go home.

I really dont know what I want to do and its killing me. When I come around him he wants sex and I just dont have the desire anymore and I think he is catching on. Ive blown him off the last few days when he has wanted to call me.....I just dont want to drag this on if I should really end it but Im still undecided.

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April 19th, 2010, 07:26 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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Take your time.This is a BIG decision that should not be entered into without thinking it through completely. There is no pressure to make a decision yet--if he does cheat with his ex, then you don't want him anyway. If you really don't want to stay in the marriage then you will at least know that you didn't end it out of spite or anger and that you ended it because you just didn't want it anymore. Take all the time you need and don't let him pressure you. If it helps, "talk" out your feelings here. Sometimes making a list of all the pro's and con's helps. On one side, all the reasons to stay, on the other side, all the reasons to get out. If you find yourself working really hard to find reasons for one sideor the other, that's your answer.
Hope this helps! HUGS!
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April 20th, 2010, 07:51 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
He is angry & being a manipulative jerk if he's telling you he might with his ex.....

He's being very immature imo. I think you are right to take your time to really make your decision. I don't know that I could stay with a man who would threaten to have revenge sex with his ex if we are having problems. Or went to his ex with our problems....

When my current dh & I were dating, he discussed my dd's situation with her bio dad with his ex. She's a therapist. I went balistic! I told him if he ever did it again, we were through! Fortunately he stopped but his ex & oldest dd have held those confidential conversations against my dd for the last 5 years....

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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