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Forum: Divorce and Separation


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May 2nd, 2010, 01:16 AM
jojo1207's Avatar Ayla 11/8/10
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 2,733
It's not the first time... DH and I have separated several times over the years. He has filed for divorce and never actually served me. We keep trying and trying, with each year seems a new child... We have four children (one is from my previous relationship) and I am pregnant with #5 due in November.

DH is so uninvolved, uncaring in our day to day lives that it has made me severely depressed. I don't believe in divorce (religion & personal) so a legal separation is the route I'm going. This is my choice. We separated for the last five months of my last pregnancy and it ended up being a very good idea as my pregnancy was healthy and happy and my baby was the same. I feel this is best for everyone. I am fairly done with giving DH chances to prove himself and this may/may not be permanent.

Could use a few shoulders to lean on as I am facing single motherhood with five children. (At least the single motherhood part I have a lot of practice in!) Thanks.
Jo (38), Christian(17), Xander(10), Xya(9), & Sophia(7), & Ayla(4) 11/8/10! ~
~ "Remember, you're not managing an inconvenience. You're raising a human being." -Kittie Franz~
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May 2nd, 2010, 09:38 AM
jojo1207's Avatar Ayla 11/8/10
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 2,733
GAH!! I really can't stand drama. The whole up, down, inside and out. So DH comes in this morning and has made a 180. It might be because he is scared because I am quite serious and matter of fact this time calm this time around but he has admitted he has not been a good father, partner, and has been very narcisstic and selfish about our life together in general. He has asked to show that he's ready to make the changes he needs to make. I have heard this before, but he has never admitted his own shortcomings before (usually only saying I "drive him" to his behavior) or take full responsibility. Course it takes two to tango, but in our case, it is 99% him not doing the right thing or making bad judgment calls and me following up with the other 1% of getting upset and dealing with it.

So, he seems sincere. I am still firm on where I stand but I told him I would give him 30 days to show me/us that he's serious. I'm so on the fence about it all - I really think separating is the best way to go and work into and through it one day at a time while he "finds himself", but then I also think of how him being here doing what he should have been all along on a daily basis like he promises should start immediately. We'll see I guess... I'm just hoping this was a real awakening and not just a stall tactic or fear response and that he has really gotten his head out of his butt, for all our sakes.

So I guess I'm moving to the "Working It Out" section for now...
Jo (38), Christian(17), Xander(10), Xya(9), & Sophia(7), & Ayla(4) 11/8/10! ~
~ "Remember, you're not managing an inconvenience. You're raising a human being." -Kittie Franz~
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May 6th, 2010, 01:55 AM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,178
If you guys keep doing this on and off again for years, I hope you don't mind my opinion, but I hope while you are working it out maybe you could consider some serious marriage and family counseling because your children aren't unaware of the continuous situation. It sounds like a unhealthy cycle but do what you think is best for you and your family Best of luck.

Thank you HeatherW for my beautiful siggy!
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May 7th, 2010, 04:31 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
I was in your shoes not too long ago...2 months divorced now with 5 kids. You will be fine if it comes to that. I hope he is has gotten his act together and that everything works out! GOOD LUCK! And congrats on number 5!
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May 7th, 2010, 07:31 PM
Posts: n/a
I was in this same situation with my first husband...(he is the father of my 3 year old son) but not to my 4 year old son, at the time, my son was 6 months old. After we married in March of '06 it was an up and down roller coaster, one day we were together, happy as could be, and the next he was doing something that was not sincere and I left (I would leave because of his up and down drama) and after doing this 5 times in a matter of 6 months, I had finally had enough because all it was doing was adding stress to my pregnancy that was not necessary. So I left in August for good, but it was just seperation, I felt at some point he would grow up and we could work it out but nope, that didn't happen, in April '07 I filed for divorce and it was finalized in October '07.

The up and down roller coaster drama is not easy and it is very stressful, and you being pregnant does not make it any easier, it actually is adding MORE stress to you and baby, and that is NOT going to make for a healthy pregnancy. Only you can make the decision hon, but you need to do what is best for not only you, but what is best for your children as well!

Goodluck in your decision making, and remember, we're here for a shoulder to lean on!
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