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Forum: Divorce and Separation


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May 8th, 2010, 10:50 AM
Posts: n/a
I remember everything very vividly, so here we go.

At the end of January beginning of February 2006, I was working overnights at Wal-Mart in Oskaloosa (a town not far from me) and during the day I was either sleeping or taking care of my at the time 4 1/2 month old son Ethan (I was 18 years old), and I was on the computer one day (my yahoo messanger) talking to a guy that I'd been talking to for about 3 weeks, well, I told him I had to get going because I had to be in Oskaloosa (this was my day off but I had to go into work to do CBL's) by 10am, so we said our goodbye's and I took Ethan (DS) to my friends house while I went into work. About 2 hours later, the associate who worked in the Lay-away department came back and asked me if I was Cheyenne, I said yes, and she informed me that there was a gentleman asking for me out in lay-away, so I went out there and it was Tony, I was very shocked because I was not expecting him to come to my work. After I was done and clocked out, we out to lunch and talked for awhile and then I went home, well a couple days later, he came and stayed at my place with me (we really jumped the gun on our relationship) and before I knew it, we were moving in together, and he asked me to marry him. WOW!

We were married on March 29, 2006, and 2 weeks later we split up, and in this time, I had found a new apartment in Grinnell to better accomadate my transfer to Grinnell's Wal-Mart, and on April 26th 2006, I took a HPT and learned that I was pregnant, (I took the test while at work) when I left work I called my friend Jeff (who I was staying with at the time, before I moved into my apartment) and I was crying, and I told him I was pregnant, he told me to calm down and just hurry up and get home and we can talk about it... When I got home, we talked about it and he told me I needed to tell Tony, which I did, and right off the bat he didn't believe me, so a couple days later, I went to go get the rest of my stuff, and he wanted to see the tests, so I showed him and he finally believed me, and things turned from there, he wanted me to move back in and what not, so I did, but once again 3 weeks later, I moved out again, and into my apartment in Grinnell, and again 2 1/2 weeks later he begged me to come back, and I did (still had my apartment though) and again we split up, it was a back and forth game, and the last time that I went back, things just got destroyed completely between us when I learned that another woman was pregnant by him...He swore up and down that it wasn't true and that if she was pregnant, it certainly wasn't his.
Then out of the clear blue sky one day, his ex (who is the mother of his 4 year old son) calls and says she wants to bring their son over for him to see, and BAM I got hit with the, can you go to your dads for a couple days, so that Beth can bring Chase over?! I was like EXCUSE ME? I'm your wife and I'm expected to leave so that she can bring your son over what kind of crap is that?! I was very angry and at that point, everything blew up in mine and his face, he tried to kick me out, and he hit me and pushed me (all the while I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant with his baby) and I had another son (not his) to look after, my son Ethan who was only 11 months at this point, after the sheriff got called on us for arguing and hitting and pushing each other, he called his mom and asked his mom to take me to where ever I wanted to go, so she took me to Monroe (which is where my son Ethan's grandparents lived) and dropped me off. Through out this time, I was told Tony would file for divorce, but he never did, and when Emory was born December 20th, Tony wasn't there, nor was any of his family, and the divorce still had not been filed for.

So, in April 2007, I finally got mad enough to file the divorce myself, I typed up the documents and went down the courthouse and filed for the divorce, Tony was served by the sheriff of Marion County and when he responded, he contested paternity to Emory, so the judge ordered that Tony have a DNA test done and that he pay for it, because his name was on the birth certificate already so the state refused to pay for it (in Iowa, if you are legally married when a child is born, your husbands name automatically gets put on the birth certificate) so in September 2007, we went to Grinnell to have the DNA test done, and within a few weeks the results were back, but I didn't get them, he attempted to have the lab keep them from me, which is illegal because they took my DNA as well as my sons! Tony had his mother call me and tell the results showed Tony was NOT Emory's father, just so they could see if I would name any other guy that I'd slept with, well I didn't because I didn't cheat in my marriage, so she hung up. I called the place in Grinnell who took the samples and asked for the number to the lab that did the analysis, I called them, they told me I had to fax a copy of my drivers license to them and then give them 10 minutes to recieve it, and then call back and they'll give me the results, so I did, and once I called back, they told me 99.9999% probability that Tony was Emorys father. So once I found out the results, I called Tony and told him nice try, and he flipped because they told me the results, well duh moron, by law they can't keep the results from me!

So Tony was ordered to take the "Children in the Middle" class (which I had already completed) and our court date was set for October 30th 2007 at 10:30am.
Once arriving at the courthouse, Tony and I were taken into the judges chambers where the judge asked us some questions, and also set Tony's childsupport payments up, and we discussed visitations, ect. Then we went into the actual court room where everything was ruled in my favor. Tony was ordered to pay childsupport, we have Joint Legal Custody of Emory with me having Primary Physical Custody and visitations as I see fit! The judge also asked us if we thought that Marriage counseling would help resolve this matter before he ruled the divorce final, I told him no and Tony agreed. So the divorce was ruled as final! I received my divorce decree 2 weeks later in the mail.

While at this point I still loved Tony, I knew in my heart, I couldn't be with a man who was unfaithful and showed NO remorse what so ever for getting another woman pregnant while still being married to me. I thought for certain nobody would ever want to be with a woman who had 2 children by the age of 19, and was doing everything on her own and doing her best to keep her children clothed and fed and with a roof over their heads.
I actually thought I would be alone the rest of my life, I met Terry on New Years Eve (Dec. 31, 2007) and we became friends, we kind of started seeing each other in May of 2008 but I shot him down come August 2008 because I was scared of getting hurt again, I felt I couldn't trust any man, but even after turning him down, we got in contact again in December 2008, and in January 2009 we got together and moved in together, we became an official couple January 14, 2009, in March 2009 I became pregnant with our daughter Breilyn (she was planned, I had my IUD taken out) and on July 14 2009 we got married, which was one of the most happiest days of my life! and on November 27th 2009 at 2:51am, our beautiful daughter Breilyn Jade, made her grand entrance into the world!
The best part about my DH, is he claims my boys as his own, Emory actually calls him daddy because Tony chooses not to have much contact with him! Ethan's dad (my high school boyfriend) has contact with him, actually Ethan lives with him for right now (from when I had problems back in 2008) and I chose not to bring him back with me because he started school over there, but we have him every other weekend!

Trust me ladies, I know it may seem hopeless when you go through a divorce, but I promise you, there is light at the end of the tunnel (not a train) and you'll make it through this, even if you just seperate and not divorce, there is still hope and if I could make it through such a difficult situation at such a young age, I know you can too! I am here to talk if you ever need to! I'm generally always online on my yahoo messanger which you can reach me at [email protected] (old email because my last name is not westphal anymore) and you can reach me on facebook as well, you can search for me by [email protected] or always feel welcome to send me a PM on here!

I'm here for you ladies!
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May 9th, 2010, 12:13 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
Awe, Chey, thanks for sharing your story. I know I have been feeling discouraged lately and it just helps to read stories like yours. You and dh are super cute, btw.
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May 9th, 2010, 12:39 PM
Posts: n/a
It's a pleasure, it makes feel good to know that my story can help others who may feel discouraged about their divorce or seperation!
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May 10th, 2010, 07:17 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
Send a message via AIM to Blondzilla
Wow Cheyenne, you have been through the wringer and come out smelling like a rose! I am so happy for you to have found such a wonderful guy! HOPE is right...you and your hubby are so cute together! If I had seen you separately, I would have said "They look like they should be together." LOL And your kids are gorgeous! Thank you for sharing your story with us! We are blessed to have you here to help!
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May 10th, 2010, 02:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Blondzilla View Post
Wow Cheyenne, you have been through the wringer and come out smelling like a rose! I am so happy for you to have found such a wonderful guy! HOPE is right...you and your hubby are so cute together! If I had seen you separately, I would have said "They look like they should be together." LOL And your kids are gorgeous! Thank you for sharing your story with us! We are blessed to have you here to help!
Aw Dani, thank you, that really made me smile!

DH is a complete goofball, and he just makes me soo incredibly happy!
And thank you for the compliments about my babies, my boys are monsters, but I love them, and miss Breilyn, well, ha ha, she hasn't reached the monster stage yet but I'm sure she will!

It's a pleasure being here
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