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Forum: Divorce and Separation


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June 22nd, 2010, 10:49 PM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,178
Have you girls every seen a movie called Serious Moonlight? It's not a new movie and there wasn't an embed code so maybe this will work: YouTube - Serious Moonlight - Official Trailer but Meg Ryan says a quote in the beginning of the movie when she finds out he wants to leave for another woman and she says (I can't quote word for word) but she says she won't let him leave her because she refuses to eat alone, go to movies alone, childless, watching reality tv, wondering what happened to our marriage, addicted to ice cream, gain weight, do online dating, and try and relate to women who have been through the same situation . I felt a chill run through me because it made me feel that stigma about single women (or women who have left or been left by a cheating husband) is true. All the time I've taken to try and think "It's ok if I'm alone or I can go eat alone or (*gasp*) go to the movies alone" and it doesn't matter! To my horror, is it true? Am I stained? Am I branded with the huge blaring scarlet letter "D" on my chest (it's already bad enough to think about putting "divorced" on all my new paperwork like at the doctor, filling out applications, even though I know it's for tax purposes I still put down "S" because I think that's better than the dreaded "D"). Oh God please tell me it is just personified for the movie to condense months worth of worries into 10 seconds.

Bad note update: He posted pics working on the car that was suppose to be mine, obviously for her. I said a little about it when I first started posting, I knew it all along but he told me when I left he wasn't going to buy it because he didn't have the money (even though the car was already where he worked but not running). I had a breakdown, a bad one, because he told me when the deal about the car came up, he told me to come up to his work and look at it, he said it was mine, he was there when I took pictures of it, he told me to sit in it and play with the radio, he sat in the car with me. I didn't just come up there and claim it. But he knew what the real purpose was for that care all along so I don't know why he said it was for me. He even made the comment I'd have 2 cars so we could try to have 2 sets of triplets. I laughed and pointed at his truck and said he could haul them all around. I don't understand why he did all that? He could have told me that the car was abandoned (they own a towing company) or just told me some other lie. I don't get it and it upset me very badly to know that what was suppose to be mine would be hers (along with the house I picked out and all my belongings that I left).

Good note update: After talking with my mother a little I discovered what I already knew and felt, that this is his process because it is EXACTLY what he did for me, the whole thing. The house, the trips (like New Orleans that they just went on), the nice stuff, the jewelry, and even the car. But from this new breakdown I knew I had enough (even though it is long from over) I deleted the saved link to their photobucket, cleared all my saved information on my computer, deleted the other facebook account I had that let me spy on them, and eventually I am going to put all the photos of all this crap into a folder so I don't see those pictures every time I open my picture file. My mom and I have talked about decorating my new place and I'm starting to get ideas. I have told myself that I'll tell myself everyday that he will not do this to me, he will not consume me and I will be ok. I am going to be ok and I have to try and let go of it some (some how) and even though I just deleted a few links an accounts I am trying my best not to dig online (I haven't in a whole day--it's still hard though) but it has gotten to the point that it makes me sick. I hope that soon I feel like I do about driving by his house, I only did it once and it didn't help me (even though her car wasn't there, I don't think she has one). I am too sick to even drive by there so hopefully I will soon get that same "too sick" feeling to even look online.

My mother told me that when I remember stuff or see stuff like that she can physically see me like sinking into a whole, my whole mind and body just sinks into his black hole. And it is true, it is a very dark place and I will never move on if I don't try and I don't know how I'm going to do it but I am. I just feel like a mental patient because my mom got all excited when I told her that I might buy a bicycle to ride around the park (it is a pink beach-cruiser type bike and I actually wanted it for Christmas and STBX was so sweet and we went and looked at them and he was laughing & telling me to get on the bikes so he could see how I looked-----so even a bike hurts a little to look at) but I told her I felt like a mental patient because he and her are out and about taking trips, buying wedding jewelry, taking care of children, making home improvements, he's fixing her up a nice car (new than mine), and here I am getting applause for riding a bike. But I almost forgot, she reminded me last night about how controlling she knew he was that I couldn't see. Last August my mom had a yard sale at her friend's house and I told him I was going to help set up but I decided to stay and when he woke up he started calling me and I told him. Then he called me constantly, even my mom's cell phone (and why he kept on I don't know because we didn't have any plans) but this was something he always did. She said he never wanted me to hang out with friends and tried to keep me away from my family. Then I started to remember that last summer he said I could go to a friend's bachlerette (sp) party but then said I couldn't because it was a sleep over at the beach. Another time last year he wouldn't let me go out to eat with my best friend and her sister and some friends even though he was working that night. He didn't say I couldn't go but had this HUGE blow up, I still went but got back before he got off work and went to his work and threw the receipt in his face to prove when I left. Then I realized that before he told me he wanted a divorce he was online looking at the bank statements every single day (even though he admitted he hadn't given me any money at that time for over a month), he started looking over my Facebook and myspace asking me who people where and started posting comments and stuff, which he has never done even though he had Myspace and Facebook. It doesn't seem like much but I guess I just start seeing things I guess. But what I don't understand is that he knew what his plans were for a VERY long time and I feel like he and her have been seeing each other for a long, long time (even though they worked together, I think they had been fooling around outside of work for a long, long time) and I wouldn't hesitate to say years because he had been working that second job for 2 years. I don't if that even makes sense.................just my all over the place thoughts I guess.

But I am trying. It has only been one day, I still cried today which makes the streak continue, every single day since Jan 22nd, cried. But I am looking online to get decorating ideas, I'm looking into school and saving money to pay off my old school debt and saving money so I can go back, looking into the bike riding because I need to lose weight (for myself and it might make it easier to find a man ) and because I've got this fractured ankle that is healing but hurts no matter what so maybe it will be a little like physical therapy, and I might look into doing some volunteering so I won't be the nice stereotype like Meg Ryan talks about in the movie.

Thank you HeatherW for my beautiful siggy!

Last edited by Brandielou; June 22nd, 2010 at 10:57 PM.
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June 23rd, 2010, 07:13 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
Send a message via AIM to Blondzilla
Brandie!!! Congratulations! You are doing beautifully! (I had a long response all typed up and this stupid *&^%$#! computer decided to shut down and do updates. GRRRR I HATE THIS THING!)
Anyway, you are realising all the things about him that were not good--the controlling, manipulative side. The side that tried to keep you away from friends and family because friends and family inevitably ask "Why do you let him treat you like that?" You have a very strong spirit and could not be broken. He tried to control you...he tried to manipulate you and even to bribe you with all his promises of children and happy home and all the stuff. But he could not break you and that is why he moved on to someone else--someone weaker than you! Your strength will serve you well in life especially when you find that one man who makes your heart spin and who treats you like a queen and who LOVES the person you are and your strong spirit. Someone who will be by your side, encouraging you because he wants to see just how far you can go! And you will go far, too!
As far as the bike goes, if you want to ride around the park on it then you should get it and ride around the park on it! Exercise will help you feel better too, but I would check with your doctor just in case that ankle isn't healed enough for a bike. The last thing you need is to get stranded on the far side of the park because it gives out on you...although...rescuing a damsel in distress is a classic romantic storyline! LOL You just never know!
I am so proud of you for making the progress that you have made! I know how hard it has been on you and I am so happy to see this part of you start shining through. You'll still continue to have days when it's harder than others but they'll become fewer and farther apart as time goes on. Then one day, when you least expect it, someone will come along and sweep you off your feet! I am SOOOO looking forward to that day! I want DETAILS! LOL

Last edited by Blondzilla; June 23rd, 2010 at 07:17 AM. Reason: cause it's early and my eyes aren't open enough to catch the typos the first time around. LOL
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June 28th, 2010, 11:14 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: none
Posts: 1,133
Sorry Im so behind on your posts, Bran. Just now getting to this one I have never seen that movie, and dont think I want to. Single women kick @ss, though.

Now you dont have to worry about what he wont let you do anymore! Isn't that awesome? And....if he was messing around with this chick for a while before their they really started playing house, how long do you think it will be before he does something like this to her and hurts her kids in the process?

You are doing ok, Bran. I like reading your posts and seeing how you are doing. Pretty darn good considering the circumstances....

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