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So court is over, we're over but guess what now....

Forum: Divorce and Separation


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August 6th, 2010, 08:36 AM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,178
So crap, I typed this all out and tried to insert a smiley and it cleared it and y'all know I can talk

So we went to court and it went fine, we argued for 3 hours and I didn't get a cash settlement (which I knew I wouldn't so I'm fine) but I will get my belongings back, my veh, my storage building, my decorations ( ), my Disney Pin Trading pins, and even my clothing and misc. household items. So he's had all my belongings all this time and has not given them to me and was MADE to give them to me which I think is pretty low but oh well. He keeps his pickup and the house (which I had no argments over anyway) but he didn't get anything else. But there is a bad down side, my protection orders were thrown out. No questions ask, no case review, no nothing. So guess what happens the same night.

He sends me an email (from his company myspace). It may not be him, but he is just basically blaming me all over again anyway

"I just wanted to tell you sorry our life together ended the way it did. I truly love you but hated what you did to me and that changed me in my mine I couldn't trust you and I hated you for my own inability to forgive 100% and move on instead I let it eat at me for a year. I truly loved you and like we talk before I will always love you. I just can't treat you the way you should be treated and it hurts me inside. But I love you so much. How is everyone doing? What kind of surgery did you have doin? Just because we aren't together doesn't mean I don't care about you. Message me back please. I will always love you."


I find this out AFTER my mother tells me that he had contacted her yesterday. 7 text messages total, the first starting out "Tell Brandie...." I can't quote them but he said tha he still loved me, he was sorry we had split, that he wanted me to call him, text him, email him, that he knew I had surgery and had been so worried about me all this time and he was going crazy knowing I had surgery.

So my mother contacted our attorney and told him what he had done, he called his attorney to inform him that he needed to stop, and then my mom asked could she send a reply and he said yes but be very careful. So, can't quote again, but she said that I woudnn't contact him because it wouldn't change anything. That he had a big plan and his plan was completed so he needed to go and make it work with the woman he chose to end his marriage for. He then sent her a message saying that when I left he was so far in debt that he had to get two roomates, and one happened to be a woman.

WHAT?!!! Oh, yeah. That's right, he has no idea that I found their online photo album where they had taken a vacation together, they're wearing weddig bands, he's got her kids in his truck, she and him are in the truck together, he's taken pictures of her in her nighty in a hotel room and on facebook they list each other as in a relationship with each other. Yeah...totally legit!!

So she shows me the messages (that someone else may have sent from his phone) but the number was registered under his name because I have a copy of the cell phone bill when he cut my phone off. So she tells me after we watch t.v., have dinner, and all that. So she goes outside to smoke and I always go outside with her and I sit down and she says, "I have something to tell you. And it's bad. And it's the hardest thing I've ever had to tell you but you need to hear this from me." So I'm freaking!!!!! I'm like, is someone dead? Someone sick? Is it about money? OMG am I being sued?! Oh Jesus I don't have any money if I'm being sued! Then she tells me.

I call my work and immediately check to see if the protection order/no contact order is still active because if the judge hasn't signed papers, it isn't offical that they're thrown out, just like a divorce, you can reach an agreement but without his signature it isn't final. So it was so I made a police report and they gave me a warrant slip for harassment.

I am taking it to the court to have it signed and hopefully he can be picked up on it this weekend and go to jail. I know I will have to go to court and I don't have any right to complain about it after I take it downtown because I know now I'm going to have to go to court but I don't feel this is right. Y'all know how very hard this has been on me and I don't feel what he has been saying is right, even though they aren't threats, it makes me unconfortable, especially when he's like "I know she had an operation" (which he got from my myspace updates) but I passed him on my way home from work yesterday. And the deputy told me that I don't know for a fact where he's getting his information so he could very well be following me and see me in this "thing" (this huge boot thing I have to wear for my ankle ) so it is very hard but I don't know how long he'll do this, or if he'll stop and then do it all over again whenever. My parents think because I was so upset at the trial it is probably his way of controlling me, like he always has. I'm sure he wants something or wants to look like a good guy but he's just coming off as a creep-o. And my attorney told me that because he had never been in trouble before this, his domestic violence appeal he would probably get off and I needed to contact the prosecuter and see what he honestly thought because my attorney didn't think I could emotionally handle it, because I may end up having to go to court repeatedly (and I'm not bringing the case, the State is because he was the complainant but was arrested for probable cause).

So I don't know what to do, and no, I did NOT email him I mean really, what the he// would I even begin to say?! So please pray for me, please help me have strength.

Thank you HeatherW for my beautiful siggy!
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August 6th, 2010, 03:30 PM
KDD's Avatar
KDD KDD is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 16,068
Oh Brandie, I just want this to be over for you so you can get on with your life!
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August 7th, 2010, 08:34 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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Brandie, you are so incredibly strong, honey! Just look at how far you have come and what you are doing! When this all first started, you didn't think you could go on for another second without him...now look at you! You should be proud of yourself, girl! You're an amazing woman and I am DAYUM proud of you!
He's blaming this all on you. How ironic! HE'S the one who ended the marriage and now it's all because of you. Why didn't he talk to you and tell you how close to the edge he was? Why didn't he say "Let's go to counseling and get this back on track"? Because he thought the grass would be greener somewhere else and now that he has found out it isn't, he's trying to make nice (probably with the intention of somewhere down the road having you as his backup plan when this relationship goes down the toilet so he doesn't have to be alone) And it IS going down the toilet because otherwise he could not say those things to you OR deny his relationship with her like he has done. The Brandie that first posted here when all this began would have crumbled and begged him for another chance and promisednever to complain about his behavior again and all the rest. THIS Brandie is strong and self confident and KNOWS she is worth MUCH more than he has to offer!
I know it still hurts and it will for a time. But I think you can start to see now that there is a future for you that is better than what he took away...and it's waiting for you!
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August 7th, 2010, 10:19 AM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,178
Thank you girls I couldn't do my warrant because my protection order was actually expired but they just hadn't taken it out of the system so I had to go the old fashioned way and tell him to no longer contact me and wait to see if he ever does again and then I can have a warrant sworn out. But my attorney and his attorney were contacted yesterday & his attorney called my mother back and said he didn't understand why he was doing this and his attorney told him to have no contact with me whatsoever. I sent him the "do not contact me" message back on myspace and he read it less than 37 minutes later (weirdddddd) so even though I know he's full of crap and does not love me, at least I can say he at least said it, 8 hours after the divorce was over and it hurts sooooo bad because I want to believe it sooooooo bad. But I also found out that the judge through out the protection orders for actually no reason (because the family court wanted to know because I went back to see if the family court judge would do another protection order because there is still a domestic violence case going on and now we're no longer involved in a domestic relations case) and they wanted to know why so I called the judges clerk and she said there was no explanation in the order but "he had the power to rule" and that I could file a motion to find out why.

Can we say "I wanna pull my HAIR OUT" loud enough!!!! I just feel like running away!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!! So I pray that the judge will issue a new protection order because I do not want ANY contact at ALL!

Thank you HeatherW for my beautiful siggy!
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August 7th, 2010, 07:19 PM
~Momma*2011~'s Avatar I love my little girl!!
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,767
I just wanted to stop and say how sorry I am that this is happening to you!!! Nobody deserves to go through something like this but just know that we are here for you!!! Sending you tons of Thoughts and Prayers!!! Also sending you tons of Strength!!!!!!!!
Jacky - Mommy to Caylyn (12/17/11) and Carter (10/8/13)

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August 9th, 2010, 10:04 AM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 8,986
Brandie, I'm sorry for all you are going through. I think you should cut all ties with him. I went out with someone and we split ways because we didn't want the same things but we "thought" we could be friends. We couldn't. He sent me hateful emails, would call and was always trying to find things out about me from shared acquintances. Best thing I ever did was to cut ALL ties. IMO, I think you will heal better. HUGS!
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August 9th, 2010, 08:49 PM
hearts.0nfire's Avatar STPR lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 11,046
I hope this gets taken care of really soon. You shouldn't have to keep dealing with this and i'm praying for you everyday.

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August 15th, 2010, 08:49 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by hearts.0nfire View Post
I hope this gets taken care of really soon. You shouldn't have to keep dealing with this and i'm praying for you everyday.
Hang in there!!
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