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Forum: Divorce and Separation


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August 7th, 2010, 10:56 PM
Christina33's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: MS
Posts: 1,322

I'm pretty new here and have never posted on this board, but I had something to say and felt like this was the best place.
My boys are 9 & 10 and have always lived with me until last year. They moved in with their dad and I see them every other weekend. But I get them for the whole summer!! Which was so great!! We had so much fun and it felt like old times. But now they've gone back to their dad's for the school year and I miss them soooooooo much!
Wow! What a difference 2 weeks can make! (that's how long I have to wait til it's "my turn" to get them again) I get to talk to them on the phone and we play an online game together where we can send each other messages - and THAT'S made a great difference! - But it's not the same as seeing them every day. I miss them so much I just feel like ALL the time!!!
Sorry I had to vent some! I just needed to get it out somewhere!
So now I'll go back to all the things that will keep me busy until my babies get to come back for another visit:
and ... well ... LOL
Thanks for letting me vent!

Thank You ~steph2007~ For My Beautiful Spring Siggy!

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August 8th, 2010, 07:10 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
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I can imagine how hard that is for you. I had to move my daughter in with my ex when she was 13--long story but it wasn't safe in our neighborhood for her at that time. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and I could see her every day if I wanted to. I can imagine how hard not being able to see them for 2 weeks at a time must be! You are more than welcome to vent/cry/scream/whine or whatever helps you get through it as much or as often as you want to here.
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August 8th, 2010, 08:28 PM
Christina33's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: MS
Posts: 1,322
Thanks so much! It really does help to have a place to vent & cry when I need it. It makes me feel better just to get it out and know that there are other people who have had to make the same choices I have and who know how hard it is.

Thank You ~steph2007~ For My Beautiful Spring Siggy!

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August 24th, 2010, 04:48 AM
~Trina~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 40,679
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Hi :-)

I'm not on JM very often anymore but I used to nearly live here haha... I've read a few of your posts and I felt the need to just post and tell you that I soooo understand. I have 5 children and they primarily live with their father. It's like torture...

I imagine you probably also have to deal with people's questions as to why you (as the mom) don't have primary because non-custodial mothers are by far the minority. And for those of us that do exist.... many have sent a bad name for us by doing things to have custody removed from them. (To be fair, men have the same problem... dead beat dads have set a reputation that AMAZING non-custodial fathers have to battle). I am one of those that was able to take a big step back and look at the big picture when I got divorced and realized that even though it was the LAST thing in the world I wanted (and it very nearly killed me to make the decision) that engaging in a very nasty custody battle was NOT in the best interests of my kids, that 1) although he was not a good husband it didn't mean he wasn't a capable father, 2) that support wise-- he has a lot more available to him as a single parent than I do, and 3) that financially at that time, I could not have supported all of them adequately by myself while c/s was sorted out due the circumstances immediately prior to our separation and he had family that would help him financially. I would need more than 1 hand to count the number of people who do not know me, my ex-husband, or anything about us who have blatantly asked me "What did you do to lose custody of your kids?" Seriously? I didn't lose them, I was never ruled against, and a judge didn't make ANY of our decisions for us. But, I've learned that people don't even realize what they are saying/doing when they assume...it's truly just being ignorant. The best way to combat ignorance is to do your best to educate :-) Depending on who they are... I generally will just say "I'm sorry, why is it you assume that I lost custody instead of willingly making a decision that was in the best interest in my children so that I can be the best mother possible to them?" They don't usually have much to say at that point other than hurried apologies LOL

Wow, I'm so sorry... I totally didn't mean to make any of this about me. I simply wanted you to know that I understand your heartache and the impacts of having your kids live with their father during the school year. BIG HUGS to you!
"Do not judge, for you only see the parts of me that I feel you've earned the right to see" --Author Unknown

"A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water." -- Eleanor Roosevelt
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August 24th, 2010, 07:40 AM
Christina33's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: MS
Posts: 1,322
Thanks a lot ~Trina~ It does help to know others have been there.
And you're right: I didn't loose custody. Actually I still have Joint Custody. I made the decision (hard as it was) to let them live with their dad for now. He is a lot more stable than me financially and can give them more than I can at this point. But I do get the ENTIRE summer with them and that makes a huge difference to me!
I love my kids & I miss them ALL the time when they're not here. But I still feel like I made the right decision for them. And who knows? Hopefully it will go back to Me having Primary Physical Custody again one day

Thank You ~steph2007~ For My Beautiful Spring Siggy!

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