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Forum: Divorce and Separation


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October 7th, 2010, 01:11 PM
twoboys's Avatar photography co-host!!
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Holly Springs, NC
Posts: 13,018
Hi there.. I am Nicky, and in desperate need of advice/help.

I am new here, I am not getting divorced but I am going to have custody/visitation issues here shortly. My ex and I have a a 9 month old and I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child. I have a 7yr old also. (from a previous relationship).

Yesterday, the ex found out he had to pay $291 month in child support through child support enforcement. He has been giving me $200, and he is furious about the other $91. I have our son living with me, he has been since birth.

My ex does not have his own place, he is trying to find one, but currently has no money and lives with friends. Yesterday we tried to talk about visitation etc and he throws out there he wants our son EVERY weekend, and holiday and summer. (he lives 5 mns from us). I told him, no, we could do every other weekend, and he said NO.

I have a daycare in my home and so our son is home with me all day, but I am still working, my free time is on the weekend and thats when I do our family time, and now he wants to try to take that from me and fight me for every weekend.

Right now money is tight and I know an attorney is expensive, I know I need to talk to someone and figure out what is right/fair. I just feel overwhelmed and very sad that all this is happening and he honestly expects me to just hand over our son every weekend, when he is so broke he cant even afford to buy his own car seat for him.. (This is what started our argument yesterday, over a car seat and me asking him to get his own).

I dont know what to think or expect. My other sons father is not involved in his life, so I have never had to deal with custody/visitation issues..

Thank you in advance for any help/advice..
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October 9th, 2010, 10:57 AM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
Sorry for not responding sooner!

Since you are in the USA, I can't offer you a lot that may be helpful since I don't know the laws there but basically what you have right now is called Defacto Custody, this is putting in place something important called Status Quo. Unless there is a serious issue (abuse or neglect), Judges usually do not like to make too many changes to the Status Quo.

That being said, he has the same rights to the children as you do, and you likely will qualify for legal aid to help in the custody/support dispute - check in your area for clinics and book a consultation.

Be reasonable when you get things started, but every weekend is NOT reasonable. Alternate weekends make sense, and if possible, a weekday evening or something to that effect may be optimum.

Sit down & write up a parenting plan that is reasonable to both the parents and the kids before your consult. Judges like to see parents that are prepared to share raising of the kids, and to see reasonable attempts to work it out without wasting the court's time.

His demands are unreasonable, and the court won't give a rats butt if he doesn't like the child support amount, it's what he will be required to pay.

Best of luck

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October 9th, 2010, 06:45 PM
twoboys's Avatar photography co-host!!
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Holly Springs, NC
Posts: 13,018
Thank you for responding Kraze! I think its ridiculous that he would try for every weekend, I have no problem doing every other weekend, and even a night during the week, however he works both night and day during the week.

Silly thing is he even lied to the the cs people about his income, he didnt mention his second job.. I dont want this to be a mud slinging contest, he has no mud to sling and I am not a mean/spiteful person.

I am not trying to keep our son from him, but I am trying to give our son a home and stability and a somewhat normal life with me and his brother. I just hope my ex realizes this is unfair of him and does whats best for William.

Thanks again for your help/advice.
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October 9th, 2010, 08:48 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
What you need to remember is that you have no option but to start slinging mud in a professional, polite, firm and non-emotional way as possible.

Your children are entitled to child support, period.

He is financially responsible for his children whether he likes it or not.

When papers are filed with the court, he will be required to provide his financial information. If he does not include the second job, ensure that you provide the court with the information in regards to him having the second job (with as much info as possible); the courts will frown on his attempts to hide money.

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October 12th, 2010, 05:53 AM
twoboys's Avatar photography co-host!!
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Holly Springs, NC
Posts: 13,018
Good advice! Thank you!
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