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Need some advice about what to do with my marriage

Forum: Divorce and Separation


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December 16th, 2010, 08:39 PM
KeriMomof2's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 145
I could really use some advice please
My husband is recently disabled from a car accident aprox 2 yrs ago...( back injury but can still walk just limited and in lots of pain)

I do not want to have to divorce my husband but how am i supposed to deal with his bevaior for the rest of my life?
Now I am not talking about his injurys,this i can handle if I have to its the big personality change that has taken place...

~>Since his accident our marriage has pretty much been shot down to nothing...
Besides having NO sex life, I get lil affection or in put from him in family issues leaving me to deal with every thing.
Now I understand its hurts for him to have sex but you think he would try to be close if only in cuddling or talking but he doesnt . I try to get him to help me figure out how we are gonnna make it with 75% of our income gone due to his inability to work, but he just ignores it and exspects me to figure it all out..

lately I feel like I am in prison,Like I am only here to take care of him and our kids.

I want to stay for the kids & all our history but, how do you stay with some one that you cant depend on or trust?
He lies alot now too ..not about anything really big, just like he rather lie then deal with any conflict. Like he over spent our bank acct. and didnt tell me or he take to much of his meds and he think I cant count to find out ( I am in charge of his meds and finaces because he isnt capable)

He just doesnt seem to care about anything but things he interested in...Now I know he is hurt and all but i just feel like he has adopted a very selfish attitude and its causing our family to suffer

I just dont know what to do..I have threaten to leave and he knows I am at my ends rope but its like he just doesnt have any fight left in him for us..its like he rather watch me be miserable and be the one trying to keep it all together untill i go nuts and leave ,then for him to try and help in the ways HE can,because I know he is limited...Its like Like i tell him,it is not your injury thats a Burden..It the things you add to it that is ....

I am just tired of being the only one in this marriage kwim...

Advice anyone?

~Thank you in advance
*Keri*I am a Co-sleeping ...Retired-EBF'er "8+years total"...No-circumcision... Non-Vaxing...Home-schooling/Road-schooling ~> College Student Momma, Who loves Blogging<~click to View O' and did I mention I am now a Avon Sales Rep ? www.youravon.com/Keri
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December 17th, 2010, 08:25 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
I'm sorry to read that things are difficult. Have you looked into counselling and/or therapy for the both of you? Considering that you have gone through a massive life change due to his accident, I would highly recommend seeing someone that may be able to help the both of you through this.

I wish all the best for you.

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December 27th, 2010, 02:01 PM
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 43
Being on medication changes who you are. It zaps your motivation. Also being in pain changes who you are as well. I'm not defending him, but you are not dealing with the same person or mindset you did before the accident. He needs to learn to manage his pain through a pain management clinic. He can't be on pain meds all his life. It will change the brain chemistry and he is will be useless blob sitting on a couch for the rest of his life. Believe me, no fun for him either. There are others way to manage pain. He really needs to be pro-active and learn how to deal with the accident. He needs to see every doctor and go to every therapy he can get his hands on. Try to do a little research for him. Having arthritis I know what pain is, I have to manage it the best I can so I can continue to work full time and take care of a child. I don't have a choice on whether I get to work or not. So I have no choice but to try and manage it the best I can...and that means no pain meds so I can function. Also having an ex husband that has had neck surgery twice now in 4 years, I get to see the affects of pain meds on someone and how it changes their mood. Trust me when I say I try to get him off those meds as soon as I can. I don't let him continue on them for much past two months. His mood is terrrible and he is soooo forgettful and I can't leave my daughter in his supervision. Which means more work on my part to be her caretaker when we are sharing custody. Plus he can't drive while recovering.

Recovery is the MAIN part of getting the quality of life back after an accident or learning to deal with an illness or injury. He needs to find therapies that will allow him to be in less pain and on less meds. Good luck and I hope you find some solutions. He isn't doing it on purpose. He is just feeling useless and depressed. Depression is another side affect of many medications as well. I wish you all the best.
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