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Communication Issues - Sanity Check

Forum: Divorce and Separation


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January 27th, 2011, 07:45 PM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1
Last night we had a big snowstorm (third one in 10 days), and my ex texted me at around 11pm asking if he could pick up the kids before 10:30 tomorrow if school was closed. His friends are moving to another country and he wanted to see them off at the airport with the kids. At about 6am this morning, the school called to announce that they are closed for the day. At this point, I responded to my ex's text and let him know that it was fine to pick them up before 10:30 am and asked what time he would be coming by to get them. Since my ex was coming to get the kids (it's his Thursday anyway and he would have picked them up from school today), I made arrangements to go into work and attend my previously scheduled meetings.

At 11:30, I had heard nothing from him so I texted, "What are your plans for picking up the kids today? I thought you wanted them to go with you to see your friends off at 10:30?"

His response was lengthy (all in text messages) all about how the flight was delayed, then canceled and the town the friends live in had no school, and the plows were still working, AND that he (my ex) had decided to go to his office to work. Seriously?

A few minutes later he texts me again and says, "What time would you like for me to pick them up?"

So I respond, "I am hoping to make my 1:30 pm meeting."

And he responds, "I'll see what I can do."

At 1pm, he texts me and says, "I can leave in 20 mins, I hope that helps." (It takes 30 mins to get from his office to my house)

At 1:35pm, I text him, " I have moved my meeting to 2pm, any hope for making that?"

He tells me, "Yes, I am heading out now."

At 1:45pm, he writes, " City just blocked in garage at work with city plows. Can't get out until work crews clear garage exit."

At 1:47pm, " Can't get to you by 2. Have to wait for maint. crew to clear exit"

So at 1:50pm, I decided that I no longer want to be held captive by his decisions. So I decide to take the kids to work with me so that I can do my presentation (which I rescheduled for 3:30pm). We have a game room and they are fine there for an hour.

So at 2pm, I text him, " I am not waiting for you anymore, the girls will stay with me tonight."

I had decided to do this after he told he would pick up the girls on Christmas morning at 8am (I had to get them out of bed early against their will) and didn't show up until 11:30. After that incident, I decided that if he couldn't stick to a time by a few hours, I would tell him when it was convenient for me. I ran it by the divorce counselor and he agreed.

Is it unreasonable for me to have expected him to come get the kids this morning so I can go to work? He already made plans to take time off for his friends, but he can't take time off to take his kids after he told me he would?
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January 28th, 2011, 06:51 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
It is NOT unreasonable to expect him to stick to a timeline. If he wants time with the kids, then he needs to provide reasonable access with reasonable notice.

It reads to me as though he wants to maintain some sort of control over whatever portions of your life he can; it's time to stop that cycle & deny him access when he cannot give proper notice, or keep to the timeline.

Spell it out for him - if pick-up is for 9am and he has not arrived by 10, then his plans with the kids are cancelled, period.

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