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Forum: Divorce and Separation


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April 20th, 2011, 12:26 PM
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1
I'm stay at home mom with four kids that are all young, we had a set of multiples. Lately, I feel as if I married the wrong person and am paying for it. I'm not the person I once was, I've pretty much become worse off socially, financially, emotionally, and physically since marrying my husband. I'm not blaming him for this entirely, I made life choices that have brought me to this point. I guess I'm just angry and resentful. I'm hurt that every arguments somehow turns to everything that is wrong is your problem. Yesterday was a major one. I have student loans that need to be paid. He forgot to pay them, so needless to say the situation got bad and is now worse. To the point where my aunt had to pay it and is now sending threatening letters and what not. So I get upset and bring this up, and was told that if I paid your bills I wouldn't be able to worry about everything else. And how he can't come to me because I'm incapable of helping with anything. My issue wasn't even amount money it was about being told that everything was ok and it wasn't. It is being told that conversations never happened when they did or they didn't happen when they did. And turning the tables, is what he does everytime I'm upset about anything. Somehow, I'm the problem. And I have to be honest, if I took the kids and just walked away, I wouldn't shed a tear. I don't blame him for everything that has gone wrong in my life since he entered it, but I do think that has gone downhill and he does have something to do with it. I don't even recognize myself and I'm a miserable person. And, I think maybe we would be cool, if I could eliminate his necessity in my life but I don't know how. I can't go out and get a job to fix that area of my life because I can't leave the house. We don't have the money to have anyone watch the kids. I'm in a hole that is getting deeper and deeper and instead of having someone to listen and care, I have no one and it really sucks. So, I guess I'm just triyng to figure out how to fix this.
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April 29th, 2011, 05:48 PM
Mom to minions's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 657
Ok, sorry, I missed some posts.

I was like this the last year my ex and I were together (which was before I was pregnant with #3). It will just keep getting worse and worse. I am sorry.

My suggestion? Go to couples counseling. If he refuses, you go. Trust me! It will help with your anger and help clear your head. Plus, at least you are trying to fix things. I am all for trying to salvage things if you can. Also it will make you feel better, help you cope with what ever is to come, and it will give you a chance to see things in a different light.

Given your post, I know you do not have money. Neither did I. BUT, there are FREE resources. That is how I got the help I needed (although mine ended in divorce anyway). Some churches offer free couples counseling. I found several online. Sure, it is religion based. And if you are not religious you may roll your eyes. But that is how I got my help and I was not the same religion as where helped me. Just don't argue the religion with them. It's not about that anyway, it is about you and your marriage.

See if there is a Love Inc program in your area. Not only do they have budgeting services which will help you talk to people you owe and make payment plans you can handle, but they have many other resources.

Also call 211. They can sometimes point you in the right direction.
Proud mama to:
Clark 6/07 ~ 1lb 13oz. @ 28 weeks
Tyke (Karl) 8/08 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 39 3/4 weeks
Pork (Laurence) 9/09 ~ 8lbs 3oz @ 36 1/2 weeks
2 angels in heaven 10/06 and 01/11
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May 9th, 2011, 07:58 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,501
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Sorry you are dealing with that.

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