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Help/Advice Please. Sorry It's Long.

Forum: Divorce and Separation


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July 29th, 2011, 02:28 PM
tfitz07's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Central PA
Posts: 2,681
I'm sorry that I'm just dropping in here, but I have no one else that I can talk to. I'm just confused and hurt, and not really sure what to do. My husband and I have been married for 4 years, have a daughter who will be 2 on Aug. 9th, and are due with our 2nd in December. He went out to drink with his dad last night to celebrate his dad's bday. He came home at a fairly decent time, but was acting really strange. I knew that he was extremely drunk, but something else was wrong.

We had never had infidelity or even trust issues related to infidelity, but something was off. He avoided me as soon as he walked in the door. He went right up to bed. When I tried to talk to him, he kept ignoring me. Finally, I asked him if something had happened that I should know about, like did he do something that he shouldn't have. He looked right at me and said "What do you think I did that I shouln't have?" I said I don't know, I was just asking, and he just kept repeating that phrase. He never said yes or no. So
I just went to bed and figured he was too drunk to talk.

This morning, my best friend called me and said that she wanted to come over after work to talk, so of course I said yes. I just figured she had something going on. She told me that my husband had gone over to her place after he left the bar (drinking and driving, and yes, I was pissed about that!), and was trying to get her to sleep with him. When I asked her if she was sure, she said that his exact words were "Let's go into the bedroom and f***". She turned him down, and tried to talk to him about how he shouldn't be doing this to me, and I'm going to be extremely hurt, blah blah blah.

After she left I called him, and he's denying the entire thing. He said that he went over there to talk, and that was it. He didn't tell me what he wanted to talk about, but said that he didn't understand why she was lying and that it wasn't fair to him. I told him that we'd talk about it later, but that I don't want him here with me tonight. Usually I'd be talking to my best friend about this, but for obvious reasons, I can't.

Just a little sidenote, before my DH and I started dating, he had a little thing with her, but then decided that he loved me and wanted to try to be with me, so nothing was going to happen. That was at least 7 or 8 years ago though.

I don't know who to believe. I never thought that my DH would stoop to this level, but I don't think my best friend would lie about something like this. I just don't know if I can trust him again.
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July 29th, 2011, 04:28 PM
Nicole1110's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 11,944
People do really stupid things when they're drunk. I know it's not really an excuse, but you have to ask yourself if he would have done this if he had been sober. Lucky for everyone involved, your friend turned him down and nothing happened. If it were me, I would be furious, but something like this deserves forgiveness. Before you can forgive him though, he has to admit what he did. You're right, your friend has absolutely no reason to lie so I think her story is probably true. If you want to ask him to leave for a few days while you think about the future of your relationship, then do it. Maybe that time away from you and your child will help him understand what a huge mistake he made. Good luck.

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July 29th, 2011, 05:05 PM
tfitz07's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Central PA
Posts: 2,681
We haven't talked in person yet, but he admitted to it over the phone. He said that he would have never gone through with it, which is hard to believe. I want to forgive him, but also don't want to be taken advantage of. I don't want him to think that he got away with it and can do even more without me knowing. It's going to be difficult for me to completely trust him. He works long hours and can't always answer my calls, which is going to make it worse.
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July 30th, 2011, 07:05 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Originally Posted by Nicole1110 View Post
People do really stupid things when they're drunk. I know it's not really an excuse, but you have to ask yourself if he would have done this if he had been sober.

While this is true, being drunk doesn't change who you are or what you feel. It just lowers your inhibitions.

For example, I'm not attracted to my neighbor - he quite annoys me. No matter how drunk I could get, I would never hit on him because I'm not attracted to him. So my concern about this situation is 1) he used to be attracted to her, 2) he obviously still is and most importantly 3) it wasn't like they were all at the bar & in a moment of drunkenness he blurted this out. He actually got into a car, drove to her house & knocked on the door. There was some intention there.


My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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