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Stay at home Mom for 10 yrs now divorcing..need advice..please..

Forum: Divorce and Separation


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March 19th, 2012, 09:26 AM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1
Hi..I have been at home with my two kids for ten years...they are 10 and 7 and in school full time. I have been apart from my husband for four years and scouring to find a job for three years almost...with no luck....I have a college degree and had a great job with John Hancock before I left to raise my kids. I am not having any luck finding a suitable job. My dilema seems to be that my kids are in school from 8:20am until 2:30pm....so if I found a job for minimum wage I would take it but it would need to be those hours that my kids are in school so that I don't have to pay child care...that would take my whole check at such a small salary....most jobs like that are retail and require nights and weekends and I can't commit to anything other than Mom's hours...right now...unless I found a very decent paying job that would allow me the opportunity to put the kids in after school care...at least I would be making decent enough money to pay for that so I could work full time.

My husband doesn't seem to get it...he basically asked me to leave my job to stay home with my daughter because with his work schedule he wasn't getting enough sleep when he was home with her so he wanted me there all the time...

My attorney, who I don't think has my best interest at heart, keeps telling me that a judge will want to know why I'm not working...well...in this economy in Massachusetts I can't find one...I apply for hours a day on line and scour every job site possible but I don't get any bites...so I'm stuck....my attorney keeps telling me that my husband won't have to pay me as much as he does when we are divorced because he isn't obligated...well why am I obligated to care for our two children 90 percent of the time.....oh he only has them for a day and a half every other week....his choice.....not mine....so if he reduces the amount given then my house will foreclose eventually because I'm just making it now....

I'm wondering if I'm missing a piece to the equation here....I feel like I'm making excuses for why I'm not working but I just can't find anything....and it drives me nuts to be home all day because I don't want to go out and spend money I don't have....
Any advice will be greatly appreciated....
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September 17th, 2012, 09:36 PM
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 27
You need a new lawyer! Keep looking for jobs, but you should try for spousal support and maximum child support if they are in your custody 90% of the time. Good luck.
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October 2nd, 2012, 01:43 AM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 13
You said something that I have had an issue with for an extremely long time. As a single mom I have had a hard time finding a job with the hours I want. I wouldn't even really call specific hours a want but more like a need. I never had someone who could watch my daughter all night (not that I ever wanted it) so 3rd shift was always out for me. Most of the jobs I worked at wanted me for 2nd shift so I was able to manage that until Kindergarten. I didn't mind it because I still had plenty of time with my daughter. Once Kindergarten started though, I hated 2nd shift. I never saw my daughter and it made me miserable. I have worked other jobs that I never worked as late as I had before but even working into the night was hard. I get that employers need people at all hours but as a single mom it is extremely hard to pay for child care. I finally got a job at Walmart (of all places) where I had really amazing hours. Most work days I was home by 6 and spent the evening with my daughter. I don't know if it was because I amassed such a history in retail or what, but it was wonderful having better hours. Being a single mom is one of the most difficult things to do, especially if you don't have family with you who are able to step in to help. A judge should not give you trouble about not working but it could happen. If that's the case, tell the judge exactly the issue. Child care is NOT cheap and in many 2 parent homes, 1 parent's income seems to go directly to said child care. Not all of us are blessed to have family/friends who can watch our kids for us. It's truly rough.
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October 16th, 2012, 11:57 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Central Cali
Posts: 6,880
I"m about to be in the same boat! I'm getting divorced and lucky for me my husband is miltary so I will get child support and I'll also get the housing allowance because I'll have the kids 100% of the time. He's going to Japan with the military for 2 years so I have no choice but to thave them 100%. But finding a job is going to be about impossible because I won't have him here at all! I'll be in the same boat as far as trying to find a job that has "mom" hours. My parents would be able to help out with the kids sometimes, but not on a regular basis. I'm wondering if my mother in law would be willing to watch the kids in the evenings sometimes if I paid her a small amount. I do NOT want to have to pay a babysitter to watch my kids if I don't have to! And that would just suck my paycheck away anyway so it's not even worth it. It's such a hard situation to be in. I would certainly talk to another lawyer. Regardless if there is anything he can do, he should have your best interest in mind! That's what he's there for. To fight for YOU!

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divorce, jobs, separation, stay at home mom

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