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Thinking about Seperating

Forum: Divorce and Separation


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March 30th, 2013, 04:32 PM
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
So today was another bad day. Me and my fiancé have been together for seven years now. We've had our ups and downs but always got through them and forgave each other easily. We never fought until about eight months ago. Last year before I found out I was pregnant we had a little time apart going through a rough patch. He wanted to experience other girls but didn't want to lose me either. I wasn't interested on other people and let it happen not thinking he would actually go trough with it. When I found out it was with a girl I went to school with and loves in the same town, well you can imagine my embarrassment. I think that was more of a slap in the face. After I found out I was pregnant I put a stop to it told him I'd leave if be kept talking to other girls. A few months later I found in a text he had slept with her four days after we found out I was pregnant. That ws the first big fight. He started working on the road and every time he came home I'd look through his phone (something I never did before when I trusted him) and kept finding him talking to other girls and trying to see them. I was too scared to confront him thinking he might leave me, I was on strict bedrest with a high risk pregnancy and couldn't support myself if he left. And every time he'd come home he spent more time going out than staying at home and helping me out. The night before I was to be induced (was a scary for me because my placenta was calcifying and it's my first child) he decided to spend it going out riding with his friends then asked f his old friend from Cali could stay and I'd also discovered he had been talking to anther girl flirting and hinting he wanted to hook up because I "wouldn't" have sex with him (even though j was on high risk bed rest). That was one of the final straws. I said I was staying at my moms and he could come up to the hospital when he liked the next morning (was to be induced at 5:30am)

We patched that up a bit but it hasn't gotten better. The day she was born he went out that night too to ride. And now he isn't on the road working. She is a little over three months old and a handful. I haven't gotten one full day off or more than 4 hours sleep at a time. He doesn't help around the house unless its trash and even then not much. Anytime I ask him to get me a drink or something else while I'm holding her sleeping he acts like its a hassel. He has never gotten up with her at night and can barely wath her two hours without wanting to pass her back to me. He spends more time on his computer or rising his bike with friends than me and her. We've gotten in two big fights since she's been born. And in one she was on the changing table and he yelled at me and slammed the door. I know she still young but it's something I don't want my child exposed to. He's not a bad dad, he does great with her. And he keeps saying he's in love with me and begged me not to leave for my moms that night. But I don't know what to do. I know what it's like growing up with divorced parents and I don't want that for her. But is it better to stay in a relationship where I don't fully trust him and am crying almost every day because I'm wore out and angry that he's never here? Or when he is here he's always on his computer or talking about bikes?

I just feel so lost and I hate that I'm not able to be 100% for my daughter when she needs me because I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself or angry at him. And I feel too ashamed to talk to my family about it. Also not working at the moment and have no credit or college degree. If have no idea how to support myself let alone my baby.
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April 2nd, 2013, 05:30 PM
MidnightMaiden's Avatar )O( Blessed Be )O(
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Kelowna, B.C
Posts: 4,101
Oh hun.

Firstly. You deserve a thousand times better. Trust me. Don't be telling yourself lies. He's not a good dad, if he was my dear, he'd help you more with your daughter and help YOU and help out around the house. He sounds far too selfish to deserve you.

You need to leave. Trust me, I know it's not easy, but you need to stay with your mom for a bit. Don't be putting up with this. You are a woman, and you don't need a man. This isn't fair to your daughter, who ALSO deserves much, much more than what he's offering. If you don't trust him, there's no relationship. If he's not willing to change or put forth the proper effort, there's no relationship. You need to leave, don't listen to him beg. He's using you.

I don't mean to sound rude or harsh, but I hate seeing women hurt over men who don't deserve them. It breaks my heart. Please, please, please try and find the strength to take your daughter and go. You deserve better, and I know you may not see it that way right now, but I promise you you will be happier.

Your daughter deserve your undivided attention, and it's not fair to your daughter if you're crying and upset over him. I've been in the same boat.

Also, I know she's not young enough to know what's going on when a fight escalates into yelling and door slamming, but babies pick up on much more than you realize. She's going to pick up on the tension, and how upset you are and she's of course going to hear the yelling. And my dear, unless he's willing to grow up, it's only going to get worse. She doesn't deserve that. Neither do you.

You daughter will do so much better without the fighting. Don't try and hold a broken relationship that's not working together for the sake of your daughter. It's harder on her and not fair. Divorce life may be hard, but it's easier than being around parents who fight and yell and don't trust and respect each other. You don't want her growing up thinking that's acceptable behavior from a man, because it's not my dear.

I hope I don't sound horribly mean. I'm just trying to help. I have a daughter myself and have been in the same boat. Keep coming back if you need more help my dear. Keep your chin up
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