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After the Seperation

Forum: Divorce and Separation


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May 16th, 2014, 06:58 AM
cheesevixen's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Spring, Texas Mommy
Posts: 491
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Seems to me maybe I married a bit young. It was 2008 in the midst of February when I met Tom. I believe I was 21. Single mom living with my own mother, and working. Dating around a lot. We met online. Instant I saw him I loved him or at the very least lusted after him. We separated that August. I found out I was pregnant in January, and since we lived together we thought it best to get engaged. We had our girl August 2009.

Tom is intellegent, good looking, and makes good money. He comes from a good family. My problem with him is he doesn't like sex.....least not as much as I do. He tends to just be glued to his computer. I could deal without the sex if I had maybe a great kiss, or a touch here and there, but that's not Tom. When we do have sex it's not for very long. Not for my lack of trying. Also, his temper. he has the ability to say the worst things imaginable. One of our outings we went to a BLT bash downtown. Hotel, free drinks, everything. It was a good enough night until some people called me over to take a picture with them because they were impressed with my costume. Tom threw a fit. Left me in the middle of a huge crowd. Showing up later to throw our drink cards in my face and attempt to leave me downtown. I had no phone or anything else. At the end of the night he suddenly appears and we go to the hotel. He checks us out early and races home. Literally racing. He realized he left his wallet so while I got out he sped off. Problem with that was the door was locked as always. So I stood in the cold and rain for 2 hours. I went crazy after he came home. I don't think I've been the same since that night, and nights like these always happen. Dates, holidays. He always loses his temper. We always leave early. Thought he spends most of his days happily glued to his PC games he loses his temper about 1-2 times a week. He generally puts himself to bed; without me.

So having our daughter came and went. We've separated 3-4 times since getting married. His temper, and now my drinking problem. I am 2 weeks sober today. January 2013 he started smoking synthetic, and it just got worse, and I had a night job that kept me up for 1-3 days at a time depending on my schedule. I started to drink just to stay awake. Going out with friends just to receive some kind of attention was normal, but now I was doing it and liking it a lot more. Between my drinking, his smoking, and the worsening of the fights we separated by the end of March. I left. Normally we only separated for a weekend, maybe a week. I was gone until the end of July. In that time I mostly drank my pain away. I started meeting guys, and I lusted after on guy. Best everything I had, but he's not very smart, and he doesn't make much money. Not to mention his parents hate me. I started missing the intelligent conversations me and Tom had, and I missed having money. I always missed my daughter. Because Tom made more money than I did we decided I would take my son and Tom would take our daughter. I went back to Tom. Then the ignoring me, and bad words began to seep out and I left in September. This time I went back to the lusted. Stayed until April. We got into a fight and I had to leave for the night. His parents locked me out and Tom took me in. Said he wanted to try again. Tom understands kids, and what it means to be a parent. My lusted never did. Otherwise his parents wouldn't have been able to lock me out. He kept my things and my sons until I broke in and took it. I guess he didn't want me to move out, but he forced my hands with the parents thing. Anyways, Tom took me in, and says he wants to try.

So here I am again. Being ignored every night. I'ld say something, but I have no clue what to do with him anymore. I kind of lost my libido. The way relationships have been going my libido is gone. I'm not allowed to drink, but that's probably a good rule. I get to have both my kids every day. We've been married for 5 years. Been together over 6 years. I don't know how to even try to feel anything for Tom anymore, and if I can't feel anything I ponder about my lusted. If I can't feel love I'm perfectly fine feeling other things. If that's just passion than so be it. My lusted was the best I ever had. However, I made a mistake. In order for me and Tom to try again I had to sign over rights to both kids. If I leave; I leave them.

So I'm thinking if this continues. I'll leave, but only after the kids are up and grown. Tom is a good dad. He doesn't hit me, or break things. His own fault is he is vanilla until he loses his temper and then he's the devil. These are just my thoughts. Wanted to know what other people thought.
Wish I could have them both lol. Together they would make the perfect guy. Where was the civilization that let women have multiple husbands? Or right....none....

Last edited by cheesevixen; May 16th, 2014 at 07:03 AM.
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