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ex-husband hates fiance

Forum: Divorce and Separation


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March 1st, 2017, 10:55 AM
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1
Hi ladies...new here and need to vent and see if any of you have gone through the same thing...My ex and I separated in 2013 (divorce was final in 2015) and we share custody of our daughter, now 5 years old. We are back in court over custody (surprise surprise) because he wants full physical custody now that I am engaged. I met my fiance in 2014 and he was the only man I dated who my daughter ever met. We moved in together shortly before getting engaged in September of 2016 after several years of serious dating, and my ex-husband was clearly pissed off. He refuses to meet my fiance, despite his involvement in my daughter's life, and tells my daughter how "stupid mommy's boyfriend is". It's getting to the point where we are beginning mediation and he refuses to take part in any situation where my fiance may be there. I have tried explaining that he is not trying to take his place as a father, and that if anything, thank God he loves our daughter like his own (wouldn't the opposite be worse?). My daughter has gone as far as saying to my fiance, " I don't want you to meet my daddy because I don't want you to get hurt". I get why he could be mad/jealous/etc, but why not just be cordial? Again- my fiance and daughter have a great relationship, he has NEVER tried to "be her Dad", but really does love and care about her.

I should also add that my daughter was evaluated by a therapist (at my ex-husband's request) after we moved in with my fiance because my ex was certain she wasn't adjusting. The therapist felt she was totally fine and a well-adjusted little girl.

What have any of you done to resolve this?? She is 5...we have a long way to go!
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March 14th, 2017, 02:35 AM
evy evy is offline
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1
His biological kid is about to have a new dad, so naturally he gets angry and jealous - so it is important that you be the bigger 'man' and understand him. Keep communicating with him, let him know you will support him and will love him despite not being compatible with each other.
Another way is to try initiating a small 'drinking' session with you, your fiance and you ex-husband (without your kid) so that he sees what a good and kind man your fiance is, then he'll gradually warm up to the idea and is comfortable with his kid around your fiance - but don't push him into doing things he doesn't want. Let him take his time. This is a delicate situation and any further damages will just delay this situation much longer. Hopefully after a while he gets to be buddies with your fiance - that's your ultimate aim.
And let more time pass - I'm sure if he has gotten someone else in his life too then he'll be in a much better place to see things. You can also encourage him to go dating too, tell him it's ok to do so.
Good luck and be patient!
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