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Forum: Divorce and Separation


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August 30th, 2006, 11:52 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,930
Well, my parents situation is large and overwhelming. Some basics are they have 10 kids of which I am the second oldest. The youngest is 5. My Dad has lots of problems, health being a major one because of a lifetime of bad choices and there are a bunch of other ones that have been detrimental to our family. My mom has tons of issues too that she refuses to recognize and blames everything on my dad. Typical with them. My mom decided in two weeks to move two states away with the youngest 5 kids. The 17 year old refused to go and is here with my dad.

My questions are, how do I get my parents to STOP bashing the other one infornt of me? I have told my dad over and over to not bash my mom, but yet I also want to be supportive because he was kind of blindsided by this whole thing and has no one now. How would you like to be told by someone not to bad mouth the other spouse? What would be a nice way of telling you? Also how do you think I can support the rebellious 17 year old who basicaly is without a mom and pretty much dad and is still not an adult? Maybe there are no answers to these questions, but I just wanted to know if you had any ideas. Thanks.
Married 7 years to my wonderful Dh

Mommy to 6 year old Emily and 3 year old Lindsey!

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August 30th, 2006, 02:21 PM
Posts: n/a
It's such a hard situation and I wish that parents would realize how hard they are on their children. With my parents when they divorced they constantly put me in the middle. I ended up just yelling at them to stop bashing one another to me. That finally stopped it. I honestly don't know that there is a nice way to tell them to stop without just being firm. As for the 17 year old, I would just show them that you are here for them as a neutral party. Not because you are not involved, but because you love both your mom and dad. Maybe atleast knowing they have an ally besides their parents will help out. Sorry I don't have better answers.
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August 31st, 2006, 11:19 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
Posts: 115,728
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First of all When your parents divorce or seperate, no matter how old you are, it's a tough situation. My parents are still together so I don't know first hand, but as a divorcee myself I know that it is hard to not say bad things when you're hurting, even though you know you shouldn't. I would tell your dad how it makes you feel and tell him that you know he's hurting, but you can't be with him when he's talking bad about your mom.

As for the 17 year old (I've got one of those), I know how broody and moody they can be. I would just let him/her know that you love them, that you're not going anywhere and that you are hurt by the situation too.

Again, huge hugs for you and your siblings!
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September 8th, 2006, 07:20 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 521
It never stopped until my dad passed when I was 21. My parents divorced when I was 3 so I never had to go threw it. Whenever I spent a weekend with him he was so mean about my mom I would end up tears. It made it to where I no longer wanted to go there. I am talking about like age 13 or so he was still being horribe about everything. I hope you can have a talk with him & get him to see how much he is hurting you.
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