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Forum: Divorce and Separation


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September 19th, 2006, 04:32 PM
MelanieDawn's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 567
hello, my husband and i are in the process of a divorce. he left me when i was 2 months pregnant and my son was born june 17th. he has seen him a total of 3 times.. when kaiden was 3 weeks old and then twice very briefly at 3 months old.. he suddenly wants joint custody.. by the way, i live in WA state. here is a little more info...

hello, sorry for al lowercase, im holding kaiden. rhett told me to contact you regarding custody issues and see if you and i would agree on something because he will then do what you advise him to. rhett and i have different ideas as to what our parenting plan should be. since i have a breastfeeding baby i plan to file for full custody.. there are several reasons why. the first, like i said, is because i plan to breastfeed kaiden for at least a year. i practice attachment parenting with him and will continue to do so the first few years of his life. i do not want to disrupt his life or have him feeling insecure in any way while he learns what the world is all about. i do not feel that rhett is going to be a constant figure in kaidens life. he stppoed by for 15minutes when kade was 3 weeks old, then again when kaiden was almost 3 months old. he has not been around our son for more than an hour total and i have given rhett every opportunity to do so. he has been in the harbor several times in between and made no contact at all with myself. if rhett does start visiting on a regular basis then i will be okay with him spending time alone with kaiden in a couple years, but my child is not going to spend a weekend with someone who is a stranger to him. if rhett does prove to be a good father then when kaiden is no longer a baby i would be okay with more of a joint parenting plan but right now it is just not an option, not to mention we live in different towns. and there is the subject of child support. i dont imagine kade will get much for that but full custody should allow him the maximum. im sure you know how expensive babies are and so far rhett has given me one dollar and one outfit. so basically, i do not understand why rhett suddenly believes he should have partial custody. im hoping you can explain that to me and understand why i feel the way i do. i have never known such love until i had my baby and i will do everything in my power to provide the best life possible for him while always putting my sons needs first. please write back or call...
Mommy to Kaiden (2 1/2) Corbin (10months) and Step-Mom to Calvin (6)
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September 19th, 2006, 06:24 PM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 10,232
Custody issues are so difficult to navigage through I'm not clear on who your e-mail was sent to, is that your lawyer? Where are you at in the divorce process? If you haven't already I would suggest trying mediation to resolve the issue of custody for your son. It's much less costly than litigation and most couples are able to work out a schedule between themselves with the help of the mediator. I don't think it's likely that he would be awarded a significant amount of time right now since you are nursing and since you have been his primary caregiver since his birth.

My sons were much older when I went through my divorce so I am sure that custody is probably awarded differently for an infant. Right now we share custody however that is currently being modified due to a relocation.

I wish you the best of luck!
Alison - Mom to: Emmeline (7/14), Augustus (2) Maximus (4) Eleanor (5) Reid (6) Evelyn (8) Lucas (13) Christopher (14)

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September 20th, 2006, 11:02 AM
StaeheliGrl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Spokane, WA
Posts: 3,847
Hello. I don't think you need to worry about your ex getting joint or partial custody of your baby. The court looks at the best interest of the child, and babies under 24 months of age are usually not recommended to have overnight visits with the noncustodian parent. At most your ex would probably get a couple visits during the week (probably no more than a couple hours at a time),and probably no more than 6 hours on a Saturday and Sunday every other weekend. It could be even less than that since you are breastfeeding. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I know it is difficult.

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September 21st, 2006, 11:30 AM
Posts: n/a
I agree with the posts above. I think it would be difficult to get joint custody since he's shown no interest in Kaiden's life. Good luck and keep us posted on what happens.
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September 24th, 2006, 11:52 AM
MelanieDawn's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 567
thanks ladies.. well it looks like this may be easier now than i thought. my ex wants a dresser that i have so i told him if he does the papers how i want then i will give it to him and he actually said he would probably do that... shows how much he cares!

So over the weekend he changed his mind and now he wants custody again.. he doesnt even know what he wants though. so i looked into things and it looks like i should offer him joint legal custody but no physical custody... i hope i can figure this out. im talking to a court facilitator next week so i hope that helps..
Mommy to Kaiden (2 1/2) Corbin (10months) and Step-Mom to Calvin (6)
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September 28th, 2006, 12:08 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,671
why in the world would you offer joint legal custody on a baby that the selfish man won't spend time with or support? You sue and get full legal custody and get the courts to get you the support you deserve. First off you are not banning the child from the father with full legal, you simply saying that your the more responcible adult for the position to decide what medical needs are, school needs and other needs of the baby. If you don't want him controlling what you do with your baby then get the full legal, he has a right to see the baby but not make responcible choices for him...he doesn't sound to secure to be raising a baby.



Thank you SARA for my siggy!!!
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October 8th, 2006, 09:32 AM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Horseheads NY
Posts: 1,997
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ok i just went through court. i have sole custody of my daughter. since the babies father has seen him only a couple times the judge will give you custody because he really seems to want to be a da when he wants to be one. also they will probably do supervised visitations for you till the baby gets use to his father.

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