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Getting Over..

Forum: Divorce and Separation


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October 3rd, 2006, 02:27 AM
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3
Can anyone provide me with a guide of getting over infindelity.

Seriously though,

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. He is a great man and really the man of my dreams. Even though I love him with all my heart lately I've been thinking about the not so good times in our relationship. The reason why its proabably hitting a little more closer to home is becuase were comming up on the 1 year anniversery of when he left me for another woman.

My husband has never been the type of guy that could communicate. In high school he hung out with the burnouts but was shy. Got high, Got drunk. Thankfully the getting high and drunk changed when he got me. I didn't ask him to .. he came to that on his own becuase the day he met me he said was the happiest day of his life and he didn't need drugs or alchol anymore.

We were both really happy... the happiest that we've been in our lives. Then about 5 months after we met I went into major depression after I got fired from my job becuase I was late. (alarm didn't go off.. power was out) then i would start a job and quit shortly after. That went on for about a year. My husband was very supportive of me in that time and we decided in spite of everything else that we would get married. Well 3 months after we got married for about a week everyday he would come home an hour or 2 late and he told me that he was going christmas shopping when infact he was talking to a girl in the break-room at his job. Then 3 days after thanksgiving he came home and 6 hours late and said I don't love you anymdore I want a divorce. He left. A couple weeks later he came back bawling (totally not him) saying it was the stupest thing he ever done. I agreed to let him come back. We went to coucneling.. that didn't really help.

Things were great fora while but he still isn't the greatest communicator. Things are surely a heck of alot better but its definately not the best. He just was raised if there was a probelm you said your sorry and that was the end of it. You didnt talk about it. So its hard to change that I guess. He's been laid off for 6 months and it feels like he's stuck in a rut. Proabably the same rut I was in before when I wasn't working but at least I could communicate. I am just so frusterated and don't know what to do. He doesn't want to talk about it becuase it brings up the past and we both just end up feeling terrible about it. I still to this day canot forgive him for what he did to me but now that he's not working and I'm supporting the household I know how he felt.

Lately we haven't been fighting its just in the back of my mind. It has beenf or the past year. I love him so much and don't want to lose him but then when me and a friend got talking about it if i found someone else i don't know what i'd do that makes me feel so terrible becuase i would never do that but i just cant get these thoughts or feelings to come to a rest.

Any suggestions?
I am so confused.
If this doesn't make sense I'm sorry. Its 4 am here.
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October 3rd, 2006, 01:05 PM
Posts: n/a
Since I've never been through what you are dealing with, I don't have any advice. There are women here who have dealt with this type of thing, and maybe they can help. Welcome to the board.
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October 5th, 2006, 09:31 PM
Posts: n/a
Hi. It sounds like you guys are going through the normal ups & downs that follow a betrayal. You have every right to have doubts. If you both are sincere about working things out & being honest, it is possible to get past this but it takes time. Everyone is different & everyone finds different ways to cope with things. Maybe some individual or group counseling could help. Or maybe you should iniate a separation to clear your head. You could find reference on-line or at the library. I know when I'm upset, it sometimes comforts me to read inspirational or uplifting things.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Only you know what's best for you & what you will tolerate in your relationship. Just know that you can't fix anything unless both of you are comitted to that goal & whatever happens with you & your husband, you will be ok.

I just wanted to add this link to an on-line book I found. It might not apply to your situation but I thought it was insightful.

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October 9th, 2006, 06:08 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: On my buttox
Posts: 1,175
Send a message via AIM to wondermeg
Try the book "After the Affair". Mine is on the way from half.com and highly recommended by my therapist. I don't know how to get over the pain except that my relationship with Christ has kept me alive. Sorry you are going through this.
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