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Thanks hubby (not)

Forum: Breastfeeding


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August 29th, 2012, 07:49 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,128
I am so upset!

First of all, yesterday was an extremely long day. We had a good day - me and the kids. however, I didn't have any back up all day. DH came to DD2's one month well baby visit, but he didn't really pay any attention to her. He was on his iphone the entire visit except when the doctor came in. He didn't get home until 9pm. So it was just me and the kids from 7:30 am to 9pm. Including soccer practice in the rain and not getting home until 8pm which is bed time. It was a good day, just long. I didn't lay down until 10pm, didn't get to sleep until almost 11pm. I'm normally laying down by 9pm at the latest. AND I have back up for bed time.

That all set the stage for this morning. Physical activity can be a challenge (no c-sec, very easy natural birth so I'm kind of surprised I get so sore and achy with activity). Running around to the doctor, practice, back to school routine - all gave my body a workout. I'm very achy and my PP bleeding has picked back up AGAIN. At 5am, I asked DH to give baby a bottle. She was hungry, so of course she's going to suck on a paci with great excitement. He brought her to our bed, with the paci and when I questioned why he wasn't getting her a bottle he said she went back to sleep. I again asked him to please give her a bottle, she is hungry. He said fine. I am exhausted, I was sleeping deeply. I thought he went to get her a bottle. He never did. I woke up an hour and half later, baby crying, sheet over her face, in my bed, starving. He is in the shower.

First of all, I don't like her in our bed and I've told him this because I don't feel like its safe. She's too little - can't move the cover off her face, can't roll over, just learning to lift her head, etc. Plus, when I'm really tired I sleep very deeply and don't wake up easily. It just isn't safe! If she was bigger, it wouldn't bother me as much.

Second of all, why the hell wouldn't he give her a darned bottle! I asked twice! If he wasn't going to give her one, I could have feed her and she would have gone back to bed in her crib. Where I wouldn't have woken up to a sheet covering my baby's face. I could have a conversation with him about being an equal parent (which is already going to happen) at the appropriate time.

Third, since he DIDN'T give her a bottle she's been extremely fussy all morning. Well duh, she's learning trust. Her need to eat wasn't meet until an hour and half later. so no crap she's kind of on edge. She nursed for 2.5 hours non-stop almost and she doesn't want to be put down. She is finally asleep (laying on my chest).

Here is what bothers me the most - my 6 year old is asking me in the car (because her sister couldn't even make it around the corner to the school) "mommy, what is wrong...what can I do to make her happy." She's more sensativeto her sister's need then her own father. I certainly didn't get pregnant alone, and I fully expect him to do his share regardless of how tired he is. And this is exactly why I didn't want to nurse because I knew E would get used to the boob and prefer the boob. To the article that said, take it as a compliment THANKS, because right now it seems to give my husband an excuse NOT to do his share and be totally hands off.

I asked him to please come home to bring me lunch and hold the baby so I can shower and eat lunch. He wont. He wants to go for a walk on his lunch break and have "me" time. So, I get to go to my other daughter's appointment today smelling like sweat, spit up, and god only knows what else...and how the heck am I supposed to produce milk if I don't get a free moment to eat or drink properly. Plus, isn't adequate rest somewhere in there also?

(Oh, and the doctor said it looks like she might be developing thrush. Great, just great.)
Mommy to H (6) and E (brand new)
4 Angels gone too soon

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August 29th, 2012, 12:05 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 17,089
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hugs!!!! this is not about breastfeeding or not breastfeeding, because with formula he could have just as easily given her a bottle as well. You and your DH need to sit down and discuss each other's roles with your LO and what you need from him. yes he is busy and works late, but that does not give him an excuse to never let you have a break. Is your 6yo going to school soon? that will help.

As far as the baby in the bed, that does not sound like safe bed sharing and he needs to know that!! I am so sorry you had such a rough day. we are here to listen to you vent.

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August 30th, 2012, 01:56 PM
promises1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 3,350
I hope your day gets better!! Those first 2-3 months are the most difficult and DH might have forgotten how it was with your oldest. I would be honest with him and express how you need his help. My DH and myself went through the same thing but things did get better after I spoke to him. Good luck and we are here for you
~ Justina
Come Join Us In Frugal Mommies! http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f88-frugal-mommies/

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August 30th, 2012, 03:28 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,128
I had a really bad migraine last night, but did try to talk to DH. Not sure we really resolved anything, but at least its out there.

He does have a confidence issue taking care of babies. So he prefers to give her to me since I have all the experience (I work in childcare and its what I go to school for). So IDK. He did the same with DD1.

We did address the bed issue though.
Mommy to H (6) and E (brand new)
4 Angels gone too soon

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