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Having a rough time

Forum: Grief and Loss


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September 30th, 2008, 07:00 PM
Luvbugz's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 554
I am having a rough time dealing with the loss of my sister, Courtney. She died Sept. 15th at the age of 23 after a 3 year battle with breast cancer. I am having all kinds of emotions. Right now I am really bitter for some odd reason. I had to turn the channel today because I wanted to gouge out Oprah's eyeballs. She had Christina Applegate on talking about her breast cancer battle. She kept going saying how young she is, how the mammogram didn't pick it up at first, etc. You are preaching to the choir here Oprah. If you woulda responded to the countless letters my sister and I have sent you about her battle with breast cancer maybe 2 years ago this coulda been brought to the limelight. Try having a 20 year old having to make the decisions Christina Applegate is now. Least Christina Applegate has money and good insurance and found out she has the BRCA gene. They wouldn't release the results to my sister because she couldn't pay for it and insurance wouldn't cover it. So, I getta sit here and feel like I have two ticking time bombs attached to my chest. Christina Applegate will never have to go through the real battle my sister did. She will never have to fight with Social Security offices to get disability payments. You know they wouldn't give her anything until she was finally diagnosed terminal this past year?!? My sister had to work fresh outta chemo to try and support herself. She had to wear slippers to waitress in because the chemo made her toenails fall off and therefore shoes hurt her feet. Christina will never have to pinch pennies to get a descent looking wig because insurance will only pay for the really cheap, ugly ones. My sister's real hair wig cost her $350 dollars which was probably more than her car payment. Is it a normal part of the grief process to be so bitter? I wanna gag everytime I go to the store and see all the pink stuff. Like baking spatulas that are pink. I wanna scream at people I see buying them and say why don't you take that money that you just spent on that and actually do something real with it like going down to your local cancer center and donating blankets for chemo patients (they get cold really easily). It is so en vogue now to "think pink". Kinda rubs me the wrong way. I know Courtney would be pissed at me right now for being so bitter. She was never bitter. She never complained. I miss her. I miss her tons.
Forever missing my sister....
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October 2nd, 2008, 09:02 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Superior, WI
Posts: 6,713
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I personally don't think you are wrong for being so bitter. My brother died at age 10 from a pediatric cancer and last month wat pediatric cancer month and target had a huge "think pink" spread in the middle of the month. My brother was never a bitter person or a complainer either. For a few years, and even sometimes still, I had a hard time seeing anything cancer related on tv. st judes commercials and such. It IS hard. But I can tell you it gets easier. I'm really sorry for your loss
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October 11th, 2008, 10:09 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
I am so sorry you're having a tough time right now. Bitterness and anger is a normal part of the grieving process. My new therapist was telling me that just last week. I have a lot of anger. A lot of bitterness. I am very very irritable. Stupid things irritate me beyond belief.

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October 20th, 2008, 06:44 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 25,747
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I am very sorry that you lost your sister to cancer. She is beautiful. Hugs
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