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Etopic and tubal loss; trying to cope

Forum: Grief and Loss


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November 8th, 2008, 08:50 PM
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1
My name is Erin and I'm new to this forum, my husband suggests that I probably talk to a counselor but thought this might be a good place to at least start.

I was about 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and actually found out two days before our wedding, my husband was such a bubble full of excitement and me, well, in a weird way I was afraid to get excited because I had lost my right fallopian tube and ovary last December due to a cyst that ruptured and just didn't want to get too hopeful. Well, anyways, I went in for round two of ultra sounds as my doctor couldn't find a pole, sac or heartbeat the first time around. The painful news was that still at around 6 1/2 weeks there was no sight of a pole, sac or heartbeat in my uterus and therefore was determined to be etopic.

I went in for surgery this past Wednesday, November 7th and what was supposed to be a same day surgery ended up turning into a day and a half visit in the hospital. My doctor, bless his heart, spent over an hour trying to save my left fallopian tube as it was my only one and sadly could not as the pregnancy was too close to the uterus.

I know I should be grateful and blessed to still have what my doctor says is one healthy ovary and a healthy uterus, but I guess it's just now starting to sink in that not only did I lose our baby at 6 1/2 weeks, but that it is impossible for me to get pregnant unless we undergo IVF. I'm truly glad that IVF is an option, but of course I just get freaked out. Wondering; will it take, how expensive is it going to be, will my insurance cover it, what if I can't carry the baby full term, what if I bleed to death.....

The emotional ups and downs from having gone through two major surgeries in a year is just so overwhelming. I can't help but to feel in some crazy way, like I failed my husband. Obviously I logically know it's not my fault but when he was so excited, it just broke my heart to deal with this loss.

Just looking for an ear to listen, I suppose. Thank you for this great outlet for so many who have gone through such a terrible loss and painful experience.


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November 9th, 2008, 01:43 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,763
I am so sorry for your loss, both of the pregnancy and of the chance for you and your husband to conceive naturally.

I'm glad you ovary and your uterus are healthy. Perhaps you can search for financial aid for IVF. I know they exist, although I don't know of any specific ones since I have never been through it.

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November 9th, 2008, 08:31 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Erin, first of all I am so sorry for your loss and for the loss of your only tube. I don't have much time right now, so forgive me for being brief. If you want, you may want to also post this in the pregnancy loss board or in the recurrent pregnancy loss area. I host the RPL board & even though you have lost one angel - there ARE women on that board that may be able to give you good feedback on your options & can understand your feelings over the loss of your tube, as we have members that have lost both tubes as well. There is also at least one "honorary" member there now that also lost one angel & she ended up getting to know us all quite well & has been a member with us for over a year - so please don't think you won't be welcomed with open arms.

I wish you all the best & am so very sorry for the loss of your angel.

Much love & prayers for some peace for you~
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
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November 9th, 2008, 02:02 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
I am so very sorry for your double loss... what an aweful thing to have to deal with.

I have both tubes and ovaries, BUT I also have to do IVF to get pregnant. It can be a struggle to come to terms with, especially when it happens in such a harsh, immediate kind of way like yours (unlike something like mine, which sunk in over the course of a year+). But pregnancy IS possible. IVF isn't as bad as some people think... for me it's just a way of life, in a way, a means to a baby. I am sure you will find lots of support in your journey. Feel free to PM me anytime.

2 IVF babies and 1 surprise!
~*~ My Blog ~*~
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November 9th, 2008, 03:34 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
I'm so sorry for your loss

I had an ectopic pregnancy last year & lost one of my fallopian tubes, but of course that isn't anywhere near as hard as what you're going through. JM is a wonderful forum & I have had so much support - in general, from the ladies here

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November 12th, 2008, 08:08 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Superior, WI
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I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know much about IVF but I really do hope its a good option for you and your DH and that everything works out.
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November 20th, 2008, 08:29 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 25,747
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Hugs I am very sorry.
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