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I hate mother's day

Forum: Grief and Loss


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January 12th, 2009, 07:46 AM
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 18
Disclaimer: This post is a bit negative, but I felt the need to air my thoughts and possibly seek support.

I hate Mother's Day. 1, because I do not have a mother. My mom died from cancer three years ago and I wasn't able to reconcile with her (about false accusations she held against me that led to temporarily disowning me from the family) until 1 week before her untimely death. 2, because I don't have any kids of my own to be a mother to. I am 26 -- the same age my mom was when she gave birth to me -- and although I want a child so badly, unfortunately I don't see myself having one anytime soon. This is because my partner is a very good guy but moves slow as a snail with relationship stuff(he's 39 and doesn't have any kids either, so as a result some of my friends refer to him as "nonbreeder" and other insulting names behind his back, discouraging me from thinking he'll ever want me to have his baby), and because of the lack of support I seem to get from so-called "friends" and family(see below).

I was pregnant before but always miscarried in the first trimester. When I miscarried, people always told me "it's for the best, you're not ready" even though I felt I was ready, and even though they were simultaneously congratulating other same-age pregnant people that were less responsible than me! (how mortifying) Also, it seems that my family and friends STILL don't want to see me as the mature capable adult I am, still electing to see me the same way as when I was a plucky 19-yr-old college girl even though I've changed a good bit. (yes, I'm the oldest sibling in my family, aka the first little chick to leave the nest)

As a result, I hold a lot of bitter resentment towards Mother's Day and towards all the mean people that bullied me in the past that are able to now have a successful full-term pregnancy AND get support/congrats from others. It seems that ALL the people who've disrespected me have gotten pregnant in 2007 and 2008...it's been a sad and torturous baby boom for me. For instance, I always wonder, "Why is it that Jack, who stole $80 from me last year and sometimes does a line of coke, was blessed with a baby, but not me? And how dare the same people congratulate him, that told straight-edge-law-abiding-me I'm "not ready" for a baby!" Very recently, I discovered that the same cousin who I resent for excluding me and only me from her wedding(all my other siblings were invited, and I've never had any bad blood with this cousin, so I was hurt and confused about being uninvited), is pregnant...I resent her for being so cold to me, yet now getting "rewarded" with a pregnancy...and all my relatives are happy for her, but when I tell my dad that I'd like to start a family in the next 1-2 yrs, he mocks me and says "Kids? How could you even think about KIDS? Yeah right!" Yes, I realize this isn't healthy for me to hold so much resentment...but I'm being honest and upfront here.

Can anyone relate? Also, any ways to cope? Also, what should I do about family and friends not seeing me as ready?
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February 1st, 2009, 11:20 PM
Jarheadwed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,658
First off, big hugs.

Next, if you have health insurance, I would strongly suggest going to see a counselor to deal more with your mother's death, and with your feelings towards your family and your desire to have a baby.

I hope hope hope you find comfort! I wish all the best things for you, including a baby of your own!

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February 10th, 2009, 05:20 AM
x tracey x's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 577
big hugs hunni. i know how u are feeling but u need to think what your mum would of wnted im sure she would love u to move on hard as it is. as with the MC ppl just say what they think is right and its normally u are not ready i agree mothers day just aint the same for me now ive lost my mummy although im now a mummy myself i just want to buy for my mum and say happy mothers day

here if u ever wanna chat xx
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