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I don't know what to do. (Cross posted)

Forum: Grief and Loss


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September 29th, 2010, 04:01 PM
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 118
In December we lost our 10 year old (my step-child) to Muscular Dystrophy. We barely began to even grieve that when I found out I was pregnant in March. We lost the baby on May 31st. I am so emotionally and physically drained and exhausted. Our 15 year old (also his daughter from first marriage) has been "acting out" with some pretty extreme attention getting behaviors, and 4 year old (our child together) must be wise beyond us, he's been able to link the loss of his sister and the baby. He says, "the baby is in heaven with Abby." I believe my husband refuses to grieve. He becomes upset and irritable whenver the topic brought up. He lashed out at me after we lost the baby saying,"I wasn't upset when you miscarried, I never wanted to you to be pregnant, it didn't matter." I really don't know what to do. When he does bring it up on his own he says I don't say enough or I don't console him in the right ways. Well, what am I supposed to do when he tells me I'm not consoling in the right ways? I just listen right? I'm so tired. I am really trying so hard just to keep it routine for our younger one. Half the time I am so angry at him I end up treating him so terribly, even end up doing things that are unfair.
Now, I just found out I am pregnant again, and I have no idea how to tell him or when. I am so afraid of his reaction. I know I need to tell him but I am so scared and so fearful. If anyone has any advice to offer I would definitely appreciate it.
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October 4th, 2010, 02:25 PM
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 27
I am so sorry for your losses. Everyone grieves differently. The next time he tells you that you aren't consoling him the right way, ask him what he would like you to do or say to help him. He probably wont even know. Hes hurting as well. Some times its easier for men to get mad and take it out on loved ones then to express their emotions. As for telling him about the new pregnancy I would just sit him down, without the kids home if possible, and tell him. He may get upset at first. Which is normal. Just hang in there. I wish you the best. Hugs.
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October 30th, 2010, 09:14 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
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I am so sorry for all you have gone through. So much in such a small amount of time. I hope you were able to find a way to tell him and that your pregnancy is going fabulously. Many prayers that you are communicating better. Losing two children in such a small amount of time is a lot for anyone. And men grieve differently than women. I know I am late in posting but wanted to post anyway.

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie

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