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children and death

Forum: Grief and Loss


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May 11th, 2011, 11:13 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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Do you talk to your kids about death and dieing?
Would you take them to a funeral?
If you lost a child would you tell your other children about them?

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie

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May 12th, 2011, 08:16 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Do you talk to your kids about death and dieing? I will. Though, they have yet to be conceived/adopted, they've already lost an uncle and four siblings. They may lose a second uncle before they're here too.

Would you take them to a funeral? It would depend on who it was for. If Donnie holds on long enough you can bet my kids will be at their uncles funeral. If it's of a cousin/sibling/friend/close family member yes. If it's for, say, one of "Daddy's" coworkers or something, no.

If you lost a child would you tell your other children about them? Yes. I was raised knowing about my brother and mom's miscarriage and don't think I'm any worse for the wear. Our future children will know they have four siblings in Heaven watching over them.

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Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
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June 9th, 2011, 02:22 PM
Brighteyed & Caffeinated
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Yes. I talk to Alex about death and dying. He is almost 14 years old now. He lost his grandmother when he was 11; they were very close. He lost his baby sister when he was 12 years old.
Jasmine is only 3 years old and doesn't understand. She knows that Grace is not in our home right now, but doesn't get it yet.

He attended both funerals. Jasmine attended Gracie's funeral; she was so young though and it upset her.
We chose to have a closed casket funeral for Gracie.

Of coarse. There are photos still displayed around our home of Gracie. Jasmine was only 22 months old when Gracie died, but she is "aware" of Gracie and who she is..... She comes to the memorial gardens with me.
Oliver is only 2 months old, but he will know as well who his big sister was.
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July 9th, 2011, 12:44 PM
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I think it's important to talk to your children about death and dying. We keep it age appropriate.

Abbey 10, Lost Oct. 17, 2003
Khloe 8
Wyatt 6
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July 16th, 2011, 04:14 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Florida
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Originally Posted by JessP View Post
Do you talk to your kids about death and dieing?
Would you take them to a funeral?
If you lost a child would you tell your other children about them?
Once the subject came up (through the untimely and surprising death of my 38 year old uncle last year), I decided to explain what went on with my then-four year old as simply as I possibly could. When I was his age, I lost my maternal grandfather and was given no explanation for it, resulting in years of trauma and "Did I make pepere go away?" issues. He seems to have taken it well enough, though he's got something of a morbid fascination with death and dying now. I'm hoping it's a phase and he'll grow out of it.

I did take him to my uncle's funeral (we held one even though he was cremated). Richie was, I think, a bit too young to understand exactly what was going on, although he knew Uncle Chris' heart got sick, the doctors couldn't fix it, and he went to heaven.

...as to the last one, that'd be a lot more difficult to deal with, imo. I'm sure that I would tell my child(ren) about it if such a thing were to occur. Considering that Richie's my oldest and only at this point, unless it was through early term miscarriage (and he had no idea that we were pregnant to begin with) I'd certainly have to explain why we were going to have a baby and then didn't. I can only imagine how hard it'd be to talk about, but I think it's necessary. Kids need the chance to grieve, too.

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July 21st, 2011, 01:26 PM
liza17's Avatar Regular
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Location: mn
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My son was 2.5 years old when he lost his brother.. We didnt tell him all the details becasue I dont think he would understand.. But after I came home from the hospital my son would come up to me and still rub my belly and say oooohh baby Anthony...When I was pregnant he always did that...We just said he's not in there anymore.. When he gets older and starts asking we will tell him.
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July 21st, 2011, 03:56 PM
NewportMamaBear's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We were with a family friend (mother of a friend) and the family when she passed just last month. Leo was with us and we just explained that Judy had gone to see God and we wouldn't see her anymore. As he gets older and deaths happen we'll explain more to him.
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July 26th, 2011, 01:47 PM
Moldovandish's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Do you talk to your kids about death and dieing? DD asks questions about it and I answer as best I can.

Would you take them to a funeral? If it is a close relative, I would.

If you lost a child would you tell your other children about them? DD knows that I was pregnant and she knows that the baby died. She tells others that she is a big sister, but the baby died and is in heaven and God will give us another baby.
When she's older I will keep talking to her about her brother Cristopher who is in heaven. I think it's good for us to keep his memory alive, since we will all meet him in heaven one day.

Baby Caleb - born on Sept. 15, 11.31 pm, 8 lb. 15 oz.
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October 4th, 2011, 10:54 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
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yes it is important to talk to a child about death and dying when circumstances come up. our boys (my stepsons) were out of town when our baby passed away and they were told when they got back, our youngest (2) is too young to understand but when he gets older he will know about his brother and the older one (11) knows Kristopher was sick and couldn't fight anymore and he passed away.

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