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Son in the closet?

Forum: LGBT Mommies and Mommies to be


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August 22nd, 2007, 06:58 AM
SandyJ's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Knoxville, TN
Posts: 5,223

Hi all,

I've never posted on your board before, but am looking for advice and hoped you might have some!

I am a 29 year old step-Mom to a 17 year old young man, and have my first biological on the way with his father, my DH. DH and I normally get along pretty great with our son. We haven't really experienced any teenage rebellion from him. We're open and honest with him about most everything. We're also very liberal parents. We're pagan, we have very close friends who are gay and lesbian, and we have always supported the rights of "alternative" lifestyles (I really hate the word "alternative", but you know what I mean. We get it enough too about our faith).

Anyway, today my younger sister pointed out some interesting changes on our son's Myspace page. The very first statement on his "About Me" section says something to the effect of: "I'm bi, that's my lifestyle choice and it makes me happy, and if you don't like it you can f*ck off" (he is in the stage where the "f" word is really cool). He has also posted a number of supportive graphics for gay marriage and the LGBT community in general.

My first reaction was to think he was just putting on a show for some girl. He talks endlessly about girls and seems to have a new internet "girlfriend" every week. He has never shown an interest in guys to us. He also knows that we would love him and support him no matter what lifestyle he chooses. I don't know why he would pretend to be "super hetero man" with us if that is not his authentic identity. He also knows that his DH and I are on Myspace and although we don't check it frequently at all, we do have access to his page.

So I'm wondering if he really is trying to figure out his sexual identity, or if this has been prompted by one of his girlfriends. He does have a rather unfortunate tendency to be whatever his girlfriend of the week wants him to be. DH and intend to talk to him about it tonight, but we want to approach the conversation in the right way.

So it comes to the question.... do any of you remember coming out to family? What kind of support would you have hoped for or wanted from your parents? We don't want to fly the rainbow flag for him if he is still very uncomfortable or indecisive about his decision. We're also very curious about whether this is teenage experimentation, a ploy for a girl, or a serious identity exploration. Is there any way we can broach that subject without insulting him?

From my end, I have wondered secretly for awhile if he wouldn't come out as gay one day. He is a very sensitive soul and I certainly don't want to stereotype him at all, but he does remind me quite a bit of a number of my gay friends. But again, he also has a "look at me" complex and sometimes embraces "radical" things he doesn't really believe in just to get a reaction out of people. My main concern is that he is authentically himself, a much bigger concern than whether he is gay, lesbian, bi, or straight.

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August 22nd, 2007, 05:04 PM
snicholet's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: eastern wa
Posts: 905
Send a message via MSN to snicholet
Hello! I just wanted to welcome you first and let you know that I am not sure how many responses you might get cuz our board is extremely slow but I do hope you find your answer!!!!

First of all, I think you should approach it by just saying you noticed on his website that his about me states he is bi. Is there any to it or where you just trying to get a rise out of someone else? even if he is you can tell him that you know that you wouldn't have any problem with it and that you would hope that he could be open and honest with you.

As for support, he will tell you how he would like support. Some people want them to attend pflag or something like that, or even just support them in being there for them. I hope this helps you and good luck.

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August 28th, 2007, 02:34 PM
SandyJ's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Knoxville, TN
Posts: 5,223

Thanks for the advice. We did talk to our son and he thinks he may be bi. We were very encouraging and told him he's got plenty of time to figure things out. He seemed really happy that we were supportive.

Thanks again!!

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September 5th, 2007, 02:13 PM
Clay and Carson's mommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 14,152
Im a lurker to this board.. but I just wanted to say you are the most AWESOME parent EVER for being so supportive!!!
I am a very proud bi mommy of 2 boys and married to my hubby. Everyone BUT my parents accepts me for who I am and it is awesome to know that there are parents out there still willing to be open,honest,loving (unconditional) and accepting of whatever sexual orientation their child is! Hats off to you momma! You're awesome in my book for sure!
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September 9th, 2007, 01:36 AM
Willowkarr's Avatar Coupon Blogger
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Gloversville, NY
Posts: 2,995
Hello, I don't post here to often (unfortunately not many other people do either), I am 23 female, bi and married to my soul mate, who just happens to be male, if my soul mate were female, that's who I would be with. I think you are wonderful for accepting him the way he is, no matter what that may be. I knew I was bi since age 9....my mother still doesn't know, not that it really matters since my soul mate is male and the only way I'll ever be with another woman is if it is all 3 of us, lol. My mother went out with a "friend" who she didn't know was a lesbian, thought they were going out to have fun, the lady thought it was a date, this was just about the time I found out I was bi, and she told me how nasty it was and how disgusted she was that this woman kissed her, and how wrong it was to be with anyone other than the opposite sex......I was so scared about what she would do if she found out that I like not only boys, but girls too, so...I just never told her, and I still don't find a need to say anything. I think it is great that he was able to talk to you, yea it might have not been comfy, but he did it, and that is amazing!!!!
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