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Behavioral Problems

Forum: Homeschooling


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May 15th, 2008, 08:02 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,539
I'm about ready to pull my hair out!

Xander is going through this very stubborn, lazy, not listening, being defiant and all around bad behavior stage. Nothing is working! Just yesterday he was in the 'time out' chair' for a grand total of 45 minutes. (not all at once but sporadically through the day). The worst part is that he's sorry he gets in trouble but he isn't sorry for acting out. In reading I make him read out loud to me once a day to make sure he's not making any mistakes and to see if there's any phonics rules we should go over. Well yesterday we came across a word that he refused to even try to sound out. It wasn't even hard... he just sat there and looked at it saying it was to hard. He's usually a very good at sounding out words... but yesterday he was just being stubborn. He didn't want to do his school work apparently. He's being destructive too, we bought him a new book last weekend... and now it's already bent and ripped. I don't understand it... he's usually very careful with things... especially books. He won't clean up the playroom when it's time. And I could just go on and on about the things he's been doing this past week. And to make matters worse... his brothers pretty much follow his lead. Even Aiden is getting to the age where he'll act out if he sees his brothers do it too. Please... HELP! Some advice would be great!
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May 15th, 2008, 08:45 AM
Posts: n/a
How old is your son? Sounds to me like he needs a break. When Scotty is in that mood, if I push him too hard, he starts getting whiney and stops wanting to learn. It is no longer fun. I would back off a little when he gets that way and maybe go do something fun and come back to it later. Scotty and I only really homeschool in the summer. He will be 5 in September.
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May 15th, 2008, 10:24 AM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: San Antonio TX
Posts: 28,853
Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman

That is my suggestion.

~Heather, wife to Jamie (15 years; June 5, 1998) and mom to
Ani - 14 (February 15, 2000), Cameron - 12 (October 3, 2001),
Fritz - 7 (July 11, 2006), and Adrian - 5 (June 19, 2008)
Smaller on the Outside

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May 15th, 2008, 12:16 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Hampton Roads, VA, USA
Posts: 3,739
With my 4 1/2 year old nephew, when he starts being uncooperative/disrespectful/destructive in school time, I simply tell him that we will end school right then and there. Normally he fixes his behaviour almost instantly, as I have made good on the threat a few times, and he thinks school is the best thing in the world, so to take school away is essentially the worst punishment I could ever give him.

I have found, that time out makes no difference at all to him with regards to anything school oriented, because he will just sit there for four or five minutes and no attitude change or anything happens. Instead, we basically put the items he is having a problem with on day-long time out, because he *does* like the items, but simply isn't behaving appropriately with them. Reality tends to kick in at some point, and he realizes that he didn't ACTUALLY not want to use them properly... his behaviour for at least a week or so after is quite good, and if it deteriorates, he will generally fix it with one request to do so. So, essentially, I forcefully remove school, rather than "backing off" for a while, mainly because I KNOW my nephew wants to be doing school work (because school starts each day with him saying "please make it school time now" or "let's do school now!"). If he isn't seeming interested, I wouldn't make him do stuff... maybe take a day, a week, or two weeks off? Then go back to doing school stuff.

For non-school things, we have two charts on the fridge, one is outdoor toys (because we have some outdoor play problems regularly), and the other is indoor play toys (blocks, puzzles, fireman stuff, stuffed toys, toy cars), and when he chooses to use those incorrectly, depending on exactly *what* he did with them, he loses them for either a day, or the full week (if it is Thursday/Friday he loses them for those two days PLUS the following week) assuming he knew he wasn't to do whatever he did with them. The charts have a bunch of yellow sticky notes with NO written on them for us to stick on the needed spaces, which helps us to keep track. Since the chart went into place, we've had no more big play/toy usage problems. The visible reminder seems to be enough so far to keep his behaviour with items in line.

Some good books I've found in our process of trying to train the bad behaviours out of my him include Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel, and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman. If I could get my hands on "Have a New Kid by Friday" I would, but our library doesn't have it!
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May 15th, 2008, 04:01 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,539
Thanks for the book suggestions, I will definitely look into some of those.

Xander is 5 and unfortunately his problem isn't just about school. Most of these upstarts don't happen during school time, the time with reading was actually one of the few times he's acted up in school. If it was about school... that would be easy... I know he would need a break and we would take one. It's just very FRUSTRATING. He's been loosing privileges like crazy. DH and I had planned a nice Saturday outing for just Xander and us. The two young ones would go to grandma's. And now we've decided he can't go. I hate punishing him like that... but if we don't do something drastic... he won't get the picture.
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May 15th, 2008, 08:18 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,657
Miguel has times that EVERYTHING is removed from his room, all that he has is his bed, usually this happens when he cuts apart most of his clothing, or is violent or destructive. All toys, books, everything is put up. He has to figure out what to do without his stuff. If he does something nice without being asked and all his chores are done then he's rewarded with a book, crayons or something small he only gets 2 small things a day. If he misbehaves bad enough he gets them taken. If he's really well behaved and has 2 small things he gets to go pick out one of his toys before bed. This continues until he has 5 toys. usually 2 weeks. Anything that is in the closet for longer then 2 weeks we donate.

I know I sound really mean but if he has nothing to pick up he can't neglect picking up. If he's bored his attitude will change fast if he knows how to get his stuff back. I don't know if you'd be able to do it because if Lucas and him share toys it's not fair but you said Lucas was fallowing to then maybe would help both. It's amazing what Miguel can think of to do with a piece of paper when he has nothing around. Again we only do this when it needs to be.

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