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Is it ok if I just talk/vent???

Forum: Homeschooling


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July 11th, 2007, 08:31 PM
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Hey everybody!

I'm in one of those really contemplative moods right now. I'm facing a job change and the feeling of... I don't really know... restlessness?
Right now I am working in an office building watching two other little girls as well as Dahlia. It has been a good job since it allows me to keep Dahlia with me. She enjoys the friends and the toys and getting out of the house. As of late it has gotten a little bit problematic since the two older kids (Dahlia and my bosses daughter) are now toddlers and need more than just a small room to play in. We don't really have a good place to play outside, well to make a long story short it's just not a good fit for Dahlia and me anymore. I definately don't want to get a job where I couldn't be with Dahlia but I did start looking into something on the weekends so she could be at home with Aaron. She is the number one priority and I want her to be happy, even if that means that I would have to get a weekend job (I was shooting for early mornings at a coffee shop or something). Well, I've found another job that would work better for us. It's an in home nannying job. Unfortunately it would be working for my current bosses brother (I used to watch his daughter in the office.. long story) watching his two girls. It would be much nicer because it would be at their house and they have a nice yard and I'm good friends with the neighbor who has a pool! It would also pay more. All in all, it's a better fit. So, I'm dealing with that. I'm also dealing with the "I'm missing something" feeling. When we moved to Georgia from Illinois I left my dream job as an EMT/Firefighter. I don't want to do that full time anymore but I really miss being involved in emergency medicine. I was good at it and it made me feel awesome! Now, don't get me wrong... I LOVE being a mommy and a wife and I wouldn't trade my life with my family for a chance to go back into emergency medicine but I really miss it and I just about cry every time I see an ambulance go by. All I want to do is be able to spend a few hours here and there volunteering in the ER or something! I'm considering taking the classes I would need to take here in GA to enable me to do that. Unfortunately that would mean going to school and missing out on my time with my baby. I guess even though I'm with her all day I still feel guilty about leaving her. I just don't know what to do about this feeling of a "missing piece". When I had that feeling a year ago we decided to have a baby and that solved it.. but it came back. I'm also starting to feel the "I want a baby" feeling. Remember last month I thought I was pregnant. I didn't want it to happen then, under those circumstances, but I had prepared myself for being pregnant and it was sad to not be. Aaron doesn't seem to want to have another one yet though so I guess that is out. I don't know why I feel I need to have something more in my life... If you guys could meet my family you would wonder what was wrong with me. I wonder what's wrong with me! I don't know, I guess I'm just having one of those moments in life and I needed somebody to share it with. I chose you guys... sorry!

My perfect scenario..... Quit working, stay at home with Dahlia, volunteer one day a week either in an ER or on an ambulance and start working on our next baby after Dahlia turns one..... I'm not asking for much!

Thanks ladies....

The contemplative Jeana...........

Ps... I need brownies........
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July 11th, 2007, 10:05 PM
MissyPrincessEha's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 11,318
Why can't you do that? I don't see anything there in your dream list that can't be reached. Why can't you work very part time as an EMT and be home with your baby?

And...that is so neat to know you did that. I never knew.

Hugs...I so know how you feel. My journey lead me to midwifery. Just be open and ready to see the openings for these things as they come along. BE HAPPY and follow your passion, bliss, dreams....
"I am a midwife. It is not just what I do, it is what I am, and I grow in it."
-Ruth Cobb

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July 12th, 2007, 04:51 AM
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I struggled for about 3 years when I first became a SAHM. It was so hard for me to leave my career as a writer. I longed for it and tried all sorts of scenerios before finally realizing that where I wanted to be was at home. I was torn between putting Scotty in daycare or with a sitter like I had Bryce OR being a true SAHM. After many battles with depression and attempts to find myself, finally it all worked out.

It will for you too. You just have to try whatever you need to try to see if it makes you happy! But I totally understand where you are coming from!

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July 12th, 2007, 05:52 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: The Sunshine State
Posts: 7,692
((Hugs)) I hope it all works out the way you want it to.

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July 12th, 2007, 05:55 AM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: San Antonio TX
Posts: 28,853
If it doesn't feel right to leave her, don't. I also don't see why working a day a week is an unattainable goal.

~Heather, wife to Jamie (15 years; June 5, 1998) and mom to
Ani - 14 (February 15, 2000), Cameron - 12 (October 3, 2001),
Fritz - 7 (July 11, 2006), and Adrian - 5 (June 19, 2008)
Smaller on the Outside

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July 12th, 2007, 06:34 AM
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I guess it's just a streak of guilt for leaving my kid. I mean, my number one goal is to stay at home with her but I would like to just have 1 day (or even night) of SOMETHING. I recently did some photography at the Braves baseball games on a few weekends and even though I left her with Aaron I still felt kind of bad for leaving her. I guess that means that I need to get out more. Haha! I know that I feel better if I leave her with Aaron than if I leave her with anybody else. Like today, she gets the spend the morning with Daddy while I go to work since he just got in from his trip and just wants to play with her!! Lucky kid!!!

Chelita - I would love to be a midwife. My goal as an EMT was to deliver a baby. It hasn't happed yet... still waiting for my chance! Although it was on my ambulance that I got to hear a fetal heartbeat for the first time! It was an amazing day!

Thanks for listening ladies!
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July 12th, 2007, 01:12 PM
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 154
I just wanted to let you know that I understand working in such an amazing field and missing it so much afterward.

It's been so long since I too worked as an EMT. (almost 5yrs now) There are days where I miss it quite a bit and then days where I'm glad I'm not away from my kids anymore. I would go to work on a Friday morning and not come home until Sunday morning! Even though it was just a "couple days" a week, it was still so hard missing my kids and I knew it wouldn't always work. The adrenaline is amazing, isn't it! Working with the people and knowing I'm helping someone was pretty incredible too!
It's taken me about the whole 5yrs to not miss it so much but I do miss working in the medical field.

I think you should think about taking some type of course again and definately trying to work in the ER for one shift a week and maybe have it be on a weekend so daddy can take the little one. It may help you with that empty feeling and you won't be leaving your daughter for long. Maybe you can just take your time and find the right place.

I am a SAHM but I do find myself missing the medical field. I decided that next year I will be working on becoming a phlebotomist and then maybe even start working again part time. I also plan on taking some photography classes since I LOVE that too.
My dream was to become an RN but so far each time I get started, something happens and I have to once again put it on hold. (I'll be around 50 when I finally get there.lol)

Anything can be possible. Don't let it get to you or give you that empty feeling, so take some small steps and you will get to where you want to be. Maybe by taking those small steps toward emergency medicine you will find it helps or you may even find that you are actually where you want to be.
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July 12th, 2007, 08:34 PM
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You guys have all been incredibly helpful. Thanks for being my therapist.

I did talk to my boss today about how this isn't really working out for Dahlia and me and we were brainstorming on some solutions. I felt really good about it. Then I talked to her brother and he said he was going to bring up me working for him and the possibility of her bringing her daughter to his house. I've also set my sister in law up with the office job with just the one little baby.... ok... that was really confusing.. anyway....

I'll keep you all posted on my life journey!
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July 13th, 2007, 03:29 PM
joandsarah77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,547
Hope it all works out. Working for the brother certainly sounds like a better solution for the moment.

"Cats are keen, cats are great, cats are clean they lick your plate."
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July 13th, 2007, 04:29 PM
KarateMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 3,292
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Hey there, I hope everything works out. It sounds like you've got some good solutions - it's just a matter of getting things in place. (((HUGS)))
-- Lisa --
Wife to my best friend Troy, mom to Reilly and Declan

You're never fully dressed without a SMILE!!

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July 13th, 2007, 06:54 PM
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Good news.... I think..

I looks like I am taking the nanny job! I'm excited about it but of course I'm still walking around thinking "Did I make the right decision?". I guess we will find out soon enough! It will be a nice change atleast and should mean more money!

I looked into the EMT-I classes and there is a possibility that I might be able to just take the latter part of the class since I am already an EMT-B. If I had to take the whole class I probably wouldn't do it due to the fact that it's a 4 quarter class and it can be pretty costly when you add everything up. I don't want to spend a lot of time and money on something that I'm not going to use as a career, you know? I'm still researching. I know that even if I find something else to fill up the void right now that it is eventually going to come back. Although it might be something I will want to persue when the kid/kids are a little older. I don't know!

Then today I started getting back into working on my photography business.... See ladies... I'm a mess! I just can't make up my mind. I guess I just need something to keep me busy. Something I can do for ME! I guess it's just deciding what I want the 'thing' to be!

If anybody wants to help, send money and brownies! LOL I'm just kidding...

Thanks again for letting me try to sort my life out here! You guys are great!
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