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Are these 1st time mom things?

Forum: Choosing Not to Vaccinate


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October 3rd, 2010, 01:46 PM
KtKuKi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
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My sister has been on this kick with telling me that "as a first time mom, you just feel like everything is important, but then once you have more kids, you'll realize its not all important." It is driving me nuts!!!! She is referring to: rear-facing past a year, making home-made baby food, not vaccinating, and breastfeeding past a year.

She also says that as parents we just have to realize that not everything is a big deal. My sister and I are super close, but she has always had this attitude with me that I am younger(7 years) and she knows what is better. Instead of letting me make my own mistakes as a teenager, she would stop me before I even had a chance. Luckily I didn't always listen to her, because some of those bad choices helped me become a better person, so the learning experience was necessary.

Now, I understand there are lots of "first time mommy" things we freak out about but I feel like the 4 I mentioned above will always be things I care about. I'm not going to all of the sudden decide I'm ok with all the toxins in vaccines and vaccinate my younger kids. Or decide that formula is better and switch to that. If anything, I feel like I am very knowledgeable about things, that sometimes first time moms are so overwhelmed about and maybe it takes a 2nd or 3rd kid to make them realize they want things to change.

There are some many things that I know some first time moms do freak out about, and most of those I never had an issue with. We took Maddie out right after she was born, we don't go crazy about germs, I let her play on a not super clean kitchen floor, I let other kids hold her, I don't freak out when my niece coughs around her...hmmm, there are lots of things that of course I can't remember.

On the bright side, I have a very supportive mom. If it weren't for her, I think I'd go crazy!

So what are some of the 1st time mom things that you freaked out about, that maybe aren't so important anymore? I really couldn't give my sister a good example, but maybe you can help me out for next time? Also, are the things I do care about just a phase? I don't feel like they are....

Last edited by KtKuKi; October 3rd, 2010 at 01:48 PM.
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October 3rd, 2010, 02:26 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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I think it is normal to freak out over small things, but those things you mentioned are BIG things and some are LIFESAVERS (rear facing extended). Sorry you have such a know it all sister

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October 3rd, 2010, 02:30 PM
Think4Yourself's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I get that a lot, too.. it's so irritating. That and I'm a young mom, so I must not know what I'm talking about .

I think there's some things that are kinda like what she's saying, and some aren't. Like for me, I know I will feel just as passionately about Bfing, non vaxing, co-sleeping... all of the big things. But when it comes to the lesser things.. not so much. Like when Caleb was born, I was one of those anal moms-everyone had to wash their hands all the time, no one could hold him lol, dogs couldn't get near him, must use the cart cover at all times... etc, etc, etc.

As he's gotten older I've gotten a lot more laid back w/ those type things.. and while I know I will probably pick some of these habits back up.. I know I won't be nearly as bad as I was when Caleb was a newborn!

So, I guess I do agree w/ her to an extent- but not about the big things that we are truly passionate about.

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October 3rd, 2010, 06:27 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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I don't think those are "first time mom things" at all. I have 2 kids and I still don't/wont vax... still breastfeed (hopefully even longer this time), still make my own babyfood, and my 2+ yo is still rear-facing (just like Maya will be)

I would be annoyed too.

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October 3rd, 2010, 07:52 PM
MommaNator's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think if it's something you feel strongly about, it's not likely to be a phase. A lot of first time moms are anal about nearly everything (I was), but that doesn't mean that ALL of those things are a phase. Sometimes people will get on your case because they think they know what is best for babies and want to save you the trouble; other times it's because they feel bad inside about what you are doing for your kids that they did not do for their kids. For example, does your sister make her own baby food? Does she think it's unnecessary or does she secretly wish she did it for her kids? I agree that some things may change after having a few kids, but other things are not hard to do. How hard is it to NOT turn the car seat around? (I got such a hard time about it from my mom, but kept DD rear facing for 3 years.)

Thanks Julie_aka_Mommy!

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October 3rd, 2010, 08:27 PM
KtKuKi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My sister actually does make some of her own food, but not all of it. I think it is possible she has some feelings of resentment towards me. I told her how much safer rear-facing is, and then she goes on about how we never wore seat belts when we were little, and we were fine. WOW. Then she says to me "I can't wait till you have a 2nd child, then you'll realize how silly some of this stuff is." I wasn't even going to bring up rear-facing, but she commented on how she can't wait till the girls are 1 so she can forward face them, so I told her we weren't turning Maddie's seat.
I told her that even the AAP recommends extended rear-facing and she just blew me off. I'd say part of it is that she is realizing she should do it too, but doesn't want to admit it. I've kind of decided to just not say much about how we do things.

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October 3rd, 2010, 09:04 PM
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I hate that she is that way with you. I remember your other post about the twins and the vaccines being safe b/c her husband had done the research ( I think your sister is the one with the twins, sorry if I am wrong) Maybe, if you guys are close, you could sit her down and tell her that you love her and that you love the girls and you want what is best for them. You might not be able to get anything through to her about the vaccines, but maybe you could help with the re-facing b/c that is a huge safety issue .. my doctor even told us the recommended age is now 2!

I was anal about a lot with Kaylee that I am not with Mason, but things like vaccines and car seat safety will always remain the same!!

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October 4th, 2010, 02:02 AM
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oh grrr....I'm glad you guys are close and will be able to move past this but I'd be PEEVED....I've gotten MORE anal about the things you mentioned! LOL...I totally agree with the 2nd or 3rd child being the one you start to be more anal about those things (anal for lack of better term)....But seriously....it was my fourth before I did the extra research on things. Olive is 2 and still RFing.

Now...I'm like you...I wasn't anal about germs, dirt, etc....I was the "first time mom" that thought I needed all the cool gadgets only to discover the best thing they are for is GETTING IN THE WAY and costing money you could spend elsewhere....LOL....

Anyway...I think you should just cut her short and say "I guess we'll see" and leave it at that....dont discuss things with her if she's going to be SO short sighted!

As far as the carseat thing...maybe print and mail her some info from mainstream sources....and send her links to the youtube stuff that advocates it...HUGS
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
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October 7th, 2010, 12:25 PM
YoungerMomma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Those are All not first time mommy things for me. This is my second as I blindly Vaxed my 1st and most of my second! And am Just now realizing that it was the wrong choice for our family. And also BFing didnt work with DS1 or DS2 But you can bet that with the next I will make and effort to try even harder and let them self ween. Weather it be past a year or not.
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October 7th, 2010, 01:24 PM
~Annissa~'s Avatar I love my kids!
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I think your sister (no offense) is just being a tad insecure and may feel threatened by your being such a great mama and not needing her help/advice! I think it's awesome that those things ARE important to you as a first time mom, because when I was a first time mom I didn't give those things a second thought. I formula fed, vaccinated fully and according to schedule and turned my son around at 1 year.
He's healthy and fine thank goodness, but I learned from there and I changed all of those things with my second and third babies. I definitely don't agree that those things get less important, some do, but those should always be important.
It's the little things, like capturing EVERY moment on film/picture, you're more likely to leave them with a sitter earlier, you don't have to change every diaper yourself in the beginning, with your second, third children you learn to let others help and that things can wait while you take care of baby. It's all a learning process and you get wiser with the process.

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