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He hates me for secretly having surrogate baby---article

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October 21st, 2011, 08:02 PM
MommaJones's Avatar Host of Surrogate Mommies
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Dear Coleen,

Iíve been married for four years, but have been with my husband for eight Ė since we were just 16.

We donít have children, but weíd always planned them for when we were better off financially.
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My husband had to work in America for a year and I was unable to go with him and he couldnít even fly home for a holiday.

While he was away, I decided to become a surrogate for a very close family member and was thrilled to help her have a baby. I didnít tell my husband about it until he came back home for good.

He was so angry, he threw me out and demanded a divorce. He thinks because it was my first pregnancy, it meant something to me, but all I was doing was helping my relative.

Heís still deciding whether to give our marriage another go, but I donít think he will because heís not attracted to me physically or emotionally any more and he even bad-mouths me to other people.

I love him so much and I realise that I was wrong to agree to surrogacy without telling him and possibly also wrong to agree to it before having a baby of our own first. I know he feels very betrayed and wants out, but I want to win him back. What should I do?

Coleen says..

I can totally understand his anger and feelings of betrayal.

The only thing I can suggest is you keep talking and, with time (a LOT of time), he might be able to come to terms with what you did.

You took a huge gamble that hasnít paid off. Heís probably thinking even if you go on to have your own kids it wonít be your first time and it wonít feel special.

Itís wonderful what youíve done for this other woman, but I cannot understand why you didnít discuss it with the person closest to you.

Youíve been with him for eight years Ė heís not some guy youíve just met. And youíre married!

You have to ask yourself why you kept something this huge from him and if there are other deeper reasons for you agreeing to surrogacy behind his back. Did you want to feel needed? Were you angry with him for leaving you at home?

To be honest, Iím not sure I could forgive you, either Ė heís a very special person if he does. If he wants to try again, I think you need professional counselling together to help rebuild your life.
coleen nolan , surrogacy

Got a problem for Coleen? Email her at dearcoleen@mirror.co.uk or write to Coleen Nolan, The Daily Mirror, One Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5AP

Read more: He hates me for secretly having surrogate baby - mirror.co.uk
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