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Regret becoming a surrogate? :(

Forum: Surrogate Mommies


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May 16th, 2017, 11:05 AM
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1
I became a surrogate because I wanted to help someone make their dreams of a family come true.

Maybe it is the agency I am with but this whole process so far has been a huge pain for me. I am 12 weeks pregnant so no backing out now!

Firstly the hormones......so horrible. The PIO shots did a number on my booty. It's been a little over 3 weeks since I stopped them and I still have pain. The estrogen patches made me gain 10 lbs before I even got pregnant.

Now that I am pregnant the IPs are really getting on my nerves, especially the mom... She is a doctor so she sometimes acts like MY doctor and she has made me get so many extra blood draws and ultrasounds and I cant go to any of my regular appointments without her picking apart anything that MY doctors say or do. BTW the baby has been PERFECT and HEALTHY from day one. I know that can change but even the IVF clinic coordinator agreed that she is going way overboard with the extra bloodwork and ultrasounds. I guess they are the ones paying for it, but it is MY time.

Also recently my IP's had the chance to adopt a little baby boy annnnd they took it! I am happy they have a baby, I just was under the impression they were having issues with adoption, maybe because of the moms age or something? Idk, they just made it sound like adoption wasn't really an option for them BUT the truth came out that they have been on an adoption list for only like 6 months and "finally" got picked by a birth mom last week. I feel like an *** but I wanted to help a couple that didn't really have other options besides surrogacy. Maybe next time I would prefer to be matched with a gay couple...

I also am feeling deceived by the agency I am using. When I signed up they made it sound like they would take care of EVERYTHING like everything everything. I wouldn't have to be constantly on the phone making appointments or finding doctors, They also already are penny pinching the pay. I had to travel for the embryo transfer and got a pretty small budget for food and a pretty big budget for cabs. The leftover cab money ended up being spent on food during the trip but since it wasn't accounted for (about 90$) they took it out of the next months monthly allowance! All in All my surrogacy package is around $35k. 90$ isn't even a drop in the bucket compared to the 35k! idk it just seems a little cheap to me, especially because I told them I had to use some of the cab money for food.

Also I do not think 35k is enough money now. If you are someone just starting to look into becoming a surrogate please do more research than I did and find an agency that pays more. I truly do want to do this to help people BUT it also takes up so much of my time and its a 24/7 job. There is TON of work I had to put in before even getting pregnant and before seeing ANY money and looking back and forwards, it just is not enough. I literally did a quick google search and came up with agencies that start the pay at 53k. Almost 20k more. And that is just the base pay for a new surrogate. I originally picked this agency because I liked the surrogate coordinator lady that I spoke to. She was super nice and friendly but it turns out thats all she is. I feel like I do not get enough individual attention and help from her.

I think I am so negative right now because so far this pregnancy has been exponentially harder than my own. I was never this sick or exhausted. I feel so bad for my own 3 year old son. He is not getting the attention from me that he deserves because I am just trying to make it through each day without puking too much or fainting.

Sorry for the negativity I just needed a place to rant.
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June 8th, 2018, 12:04 PM
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 377
Im glad you put this out there for those considering surrogacy. Im sorry you are having a hard time!
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July 16th, 2018, 11:44 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 712
I see this was posted from more than a year ago, If you ever get back to this page I would love to hear how the whole experience went once it was over. I was just matched with a great couple and will be starting my journey soon.
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October 17th, 2018, 01:02 AM
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1
Hopefully, things turned around for you and it ended up being a good experience. I'm working with surrogates as their therapist but also 24/7 support. I have surrogates calling me while they're still pregnant at an agency that promised to have support for them for the whole pregnancy but they end up alone and freaking out. Message me if you need to talk to someone and I'd also like to hear how it ended up.
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