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GREAT talk with DH (x-posted from my DDC)

Forum: Home Birth


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June 27th, 2009, 02:38 PM
Xx5Xy1+'s Avatar What's your superpower?
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Wiesbaden, Germany
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I've been going thru the exercises in 'Birthing From Within' and one of them is to make a drawing of how we envision our ideal birth taking place (it can be abstract, seperate objects, a landscape, etc). So I did my drawing and just as I finished, dh walked in and asked what I was drawing. So I explained to him what I was doing and then went thru the drawing.

In the drawing I am squatting against the edge of a blue surface (considering water birth but it will depend on how I feel in that moment), my head is down because I'm surrendering my mind to my body, letting it do what it needs to do, but my arms are still extended and holding myself up... because I know I am strong enough to do this, my body is strong and able to give birth. All of this is surrounded by a big heart... DH. I told Tom that I invision being wrapped up in him with him right there helping me, encouraging me, keeping outside chaos at bay, keeping the midwife busy (unless I need her), etc. Below the large heart are four smaller hearts linked to the outline of his heart... I want the girls nearby, whether or not they're actually in the room for the birth will depend on how I'm feeling at that moment as well as their comfort level, but nearby none-the-less.

This led to a long talk. I had been worried that he was 'going along with it' to appease me, but that his heart wasn't in this for a homebirth which would make him distracted during the delivery and would make things harder on me. He told me that he is worried about home birthing but not because he thinks I can't do it... its because he's afraid he would let me down when I need him most (he almost passed out at Sami and Kasi's births... then again with what happened at Sami's I'd probably have at least thrown up if not actually passed out too but thats another story LOL). He's worried about what might happen if the midwife doesn't get here in time, "I don't have the skill sets to do what needs to be done, I don't know what to do after the baby gets here". OK, thats a very valid concern... so we talked about that and I'm going to find some stuff for him so that he's more comfortable if the midwife doesn't get here in time.

We even discussed the fact that, if it were ENTIRELY up to me (ok, one one hand, yes it is, but in reality... he's here too therefore its also his decision) I would COMPLETELY have a freebirth. I told him that the midwife is for his peace of mind, not mine (though I'm comfortable with it for the 'what-if, back-up' perspective, but that I'd prefer to do as much of the labor and delivery with just him as possible and to keep the midwife from hovering lol I was completely shocked that he wasn't absolutely aghast at the concept of freebirthing (he's not for it either, but I expected a lot less than what I got lol).

So, I am now feeling a LOT better about Tom's outlook on our decision to homebirth. He even mentioned that we have two plastic stepstools to put into the birthing tub so that "we'll both be more comfortable and you don't have to worry about keeping your balance as much if you want to squat" Ladies, my jaw was on the floor!!!

We also talked about how, unless its life or death, I do NOT want to deliver at Bethesda if we end up moving back to DC before Madison arrives and I think he finally understands all the things that lead up to me begging for an epidural and why those are the reasons I will never willingly deliver there again. We discussed which hospital (here) that I want to go to if I go into labor before 36 weeks and why. There is only one NICU in this area and unless it means life or death (there is an L&D closer, but no NICU) I want to go to the other hospital because they would have to take Madison to the other hospital and there is no way on God's green earth that they would take my baby away from me and to a hospital across town without a HUGE fight.

All I can say is, that one drawing helped us have a conversation that I was almost afraid to have with him for fear of what his answers would be. Most of my worries have been resolved, at least the ones that concern my husband lol

Thank you 3Daughters for my AWESOME siggy!

Hoping to add a new member to our family through adoption in August 2011
I am a sleep deprived, pro-life, homebirth supporting, babywearing, extended breast feeding, cloth diapering, non-vaxing, attachment parenting, conservative thinking, Constitution defending, gun owning, Torah learning, US Army Veteran who is married to her hero... A US Army Soldier! If this offends you, then stop reading my signature!

Last edited by Xx5Xy1+; June 28th, 2009 at 09:51 AM. Reason: cause I can't read lol
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June 27th, 2009, 09:20 PM
soImarriedAnerd's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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GREAT talk ---that must have made you all warm inside!
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June 28th, 2009, 09:02 AM
_Brandy_'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That is awesome that you had that conversation. Those talks can be intimidating, but I find that after them I always feel better.

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June 28th, 2009, 10:23 AM
Del4's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Cali, baby!
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That is so awesome!!!! It seems like you and share the same concerns/fears (well, at least we did till you had your talk! lol). I'm so glad you're feeling better about everything and that DH is fully on board.

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June 29th, 2009, 12:00 PM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
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I'm glad you were able to talk to him!!

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