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June 11th, 2011, 06:35 PM
KtKuKi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2,756
Hi everyone! I'm Kaite, and DH and I are really hoping to have a home birth with our next baby. After a VERY traumatic hospital birth with our daughter, and with me being born at home, we decided it is the way to go. We are going to start TTC next month, so we are meeting with 2 of the "advertising" midwives I could find.

I have some questions about choosing midwives and was hoping I could get some input. We met the first one today and it felt very awkward. She didn't say much at first and I felt like I wasn't sure how to start the meeting off. I told her this, and she said "well, you can ask me questions about my credentials and anything else you want to ask". So I just started in, but I don't, know, it was weird the whole time. She had her assistant there and she didn't say anything through the whole meeting, till the very end when she introduced herself a little.

When DH and I got in the car, I told him right off that I didn't think she would be our midwife. I guess he didn't feel the same way, and felt like the meeting went great

But, then I think back to went I first saw our homeopathic dr, and she was the same way. She was pretty quiet and had me do most of the talking, which made me uncomfortable, but now I'm used to it.

So, I guess I'm asking, is this normal? I suppose I was expecting her to be warm, and friendly, and I just wasn't getting that....

Thanks for any input!

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June 12th, 2011, 02:28 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,300
Every personality is different.
My first midwife appointment was not like that, however she doesn't talk a whole lot. This for me is a positive because it makes me feel more in control and like she's listening. Quite unlike my experience with an OB who had a canned rehearsed speech that went on and on and on...BIG turn off which is one of several reasons we opted for homebirth.

Personally I think if you were really uncomfortable then you should hope your second meeting goes better. It will be hard to have a positive birth experience if the person who is in charge keeps you from being relaxed.

With that said, is it possible that part of the issue is you? Are you a rather timid person? Do you have feelings like this a lot around others? Or maybe you are hesitant because you aren't yet pregnant, and are feeling nervous about expanding your family. Just as you were a bit put off by her, perhaps she was a bit put off by you.

Maybe talk to your husband about what he felt was great about the meeting. Better yet, ask him for a critique of yourself. He may offer a viewpoint that you hadn't noticed.

Good luck to you with your journey towards homebirth. I hope it all works out for you.
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June 12th, 2011, 02:20 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pavia, Italy
Posts: 5,959
Well welcome first off

When we met with our MW the first time she was very talkative and upfront. I asked her 4 pages of questions (triple spaced so I could write things down) and she went on and on and gave out a lot of information on each questions. I knew she would be my MW after that. If you didn't feel like it went well then I would try to see a few more MWs and see how those interviews go. I'm a birth professional and when I meet with a new or prospective client I give out a lot of info and talk a lot about whatever they ask.
Mama to G, L & twins F & M
Started off 2013 homebirthing suprise twins Fia Celesta & Maddalena Isabella
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June 12th, 2011, 09:15 PM
KtKuKi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2,756
Thank you for your thoughts. I spoke with DH about how he thinks I was during the meeting, and shared what you ladies said. He thought I was fine, just that I had very high expectations about what was going to happen, and then when it didn't go exactly how I thought, I was let down. Now that he and I have talked more about it, I think this is part of my problem. I guess I just assumed we'd "click" right away since I want a home birth. I guess that sounds a little silly. I thought she'd be more talkative, but DH said he felt like she'd be selling herself if she talked more, and he liked that she let me do most of the asking/talking, and just answered my concerns.

I'm definitely curious to meet the next midwife. If I get the same feeling with her, we have one more option. So hopefully we'll find someone. She did tell me that they LOVE my insurance and that they usually don't have any problems with it, so that is exciting!

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June 12th, 2011, 10:33 PM
HippyMomOf4's Avatar Hippy Mom Extraordinaire
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tulare, CA
Posts: 13,686
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My first time meeting my midwife it was kinda like that, we did talk and got to know eachother a little over the appt. After i choose her we became more like friends and never stopped talking at appts

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June 13th, 2011, 10:17 AM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 10,232
My midwife was very quiet during our interview. I think she was used to people having a big list of questions/concerns and she came highly recommended so I didn't have a lot to ask her. Now, 3 years later, she is my best friend and we talk on the phone several times a day
Alison - Mom to: Emmeline (7/14), Augustus (2) Maximus (4) Eleanor (5) Reid (6) Evelyn (8) Lucas (13) Christopher (14)

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