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grandma-to-be making babyshower a nightmare! help!!

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March 4th, 2008, 10:12 PM
jamiextheresa's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: long island
Posts: 9
my mom started planning my baby shower the day she found out i was pregnant, and we picked out the date well in advance because she is going in for major surgery the last weekend of april and will be recovering for a few weeks after. so after we booked the hall the baby shower will be held at, my db's mom decides she wants to be involved bc she will be a grandmother. her and my mom arranged to meet for dinner with myself and nick (db).
that's when the nightmare started.
she started going overboard with the guest list, wanting to invite long lost relatives from his side of the family i didn't even know, and nick hadn't seen in ages, and her friends from work.
when we objected to this, that is when she started blowing everything out of proportion. saying how she feels as if we intentionally had it out to exclude her from her grandchilds shower, which i tried to explain, nicely, that it was really the mommy to be's shower.
we have tried everything to help the situation, from talking to his aunt (his moms sister) in hopes she could talk to his mom, to me sending her a very polite email. all to no avail. she has now stopped talking to his aunt, and she replied back to my emails with nothing nice to say in the least. my feelings are very hurt and it has brought me to the point of tears on many occasions.

i am totally at a loss as to how to handle this situation. im afraid if this is how she is acting now, over a baby shower that isnt even about her, will this be something i will have to deal with for other occassions after the baby is born. what should i do????? any thoughts about this situation??? i need advice!!!!!
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March 5th, 2008, 12:12 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,777
In order to appease her, I think I would say that this shower that your mom is planning needs to be kept quite small for the budget and the space. Tell her that if she would like all the other people to be involved in a shower that you are more than happy to go to one that she plans.
I'm me.
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March 6th, 2008, 12:11 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Southern Indiana
Posts: 8,066
I agree that I would tell her that you are not comfortable inviting all those people that you don't know to the shower your mom is planning, if she wants to plan a separate shower, then you are more than happy to attend.
Mama to Luke (1/21/09) and Isabelle (10/26/10)
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March 7th, 2008, 05:01 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Middletown, NY
Posts: 1,410
Do not try to "appease" this woman. She is a bully. She's involved because this is her son's child. Tell your boyfriend he needs to take a stand and tell her that if she wants all these relatives at a shower it needs to be a seperate one, because it's not going to work as one big shower. He also needs to tell her that if she refuses to respond then he has no choice but to assume that she's not going to help plan it, but she will be more than welcome as a guest at the shower your mother has already started to plan.

I agree that if you don't take a stand now, she'll think she can plan the rest of your lives and have a say in how you raise your child.
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March 10th, 2008, 01:22 PM
Kimber77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7,256

Big brother Gage welcomes Karli Elizabeth 7 lbs 14 oz 20 inches on 8/1/11

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March 14th, 2008, 07:25 PM
jamiextheresa's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: long island
Posts: 9
thanks so much for the advice ladies!
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March 15th, 2008, 08:12 PM
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Utah
Posts: 5
<span style=\'font-family: "Tahoma"\'>In my family we've always had seperate showers. My mom and sisters threw me a baby shower and I invited all my family and friends to that one and my mother in law threw me a shower with my husbands side of the family. If we had all the people at one shower it would have been HUGE!!! Plus the families don't really know each other so it was dumb to make them all hang out together. You can just tell your mother in law that there will be too many people and she is welcome to plan a shower for you. That way she can do whatever she wants at the shower and invite whoever she wants. </span>

Good luck!! I hope everything works out well. It's always hard with in laws cause you don't want to be rude or offensive.
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