Log In Sign Up

not sure what to think or do


Forum: Married Life

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to [email protected].

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Married Life LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
January 8th, 2007, 01:42 PM
yahtzeecat1981's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 9,760
Send a message via Yahoo to yahtzeecat1981
Lately my mom has been complaining about DH, what seems like all the time. It seems like it is just about little things. Like one day he was watching a football game and he gets really into his sports so he was yelling at the TV and she made some comment to me about how angry he gets. She was complaining to me that I put his dishes in the sink when we are at her house, she thinks he should be doing it himself but if I am on my way to the sink it doesn't bother me at all to take his dishes with me, he doesn't expect me to do it and he takes mine if he gets up first. I almost feel like she is trying to get us apart or something. He by no means is perfect, nobody is, I know he would never hit me or cheat on me, he can be cheap at times but becuase of his cheapness, we are able to provide for ourselves and not have to run to our parents every week for money. We have just foud out that we are expecting a baby boy and DH would like to name him after himself and alhough we have talked about and have decided not to but my mom keeps saying " You're not going to name him David IV are you? " which makes me just want to do it out of spite. My DH doesn't drink or smoke or go out to parties and my brother has been saying that he will be teaching our son to be a "real man" and teach him to ride Harleys and hunt and that kind of stuff. How about teaching him to respect women and to provide for his family, which my DH would have to problem being an example. I don't want my brother to teach my son about going to strip clubs and getting so drunk your fiance calls the police on you. I feel like by them attacking him, they are attacking me. So I feel like when DH and I are having problems I can't talk to my mom about it because it would just fuel her fire. It doesn't help that my DH does his own share of complaining about my family, how they drink too much and use fould language and what ever else. Neither of them knows that the other one is complaining about eachother. I just feel so stuck. I am not a confromtational person, I love my DH and I love my family but I don't know how much more I can handle. Maybe it's these pregnancy hormones putting me over he top.....
__________________

Thank You nvr.4.gtn for my PERFECT siggy!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
January 8th, 2007, 03:39 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 3,274
Send a message via AIM to MirandasMommy Send a message via Yahoo to MirandasMommy
I don't think it's your hormones at all. I think anyone, pregnant or not, would feel the same way you are feeling if put in that situation. When DH and I first started dating my mom didn't like him. Of course, she did have reason to believe he was a deadbeat. I moved 4 hours from home to be with him, we lived together and I worked and went to school full time and DH did nothing but sit around all day, make a huge mess for me to clean up, and not help me. So my mom called one day and went on and on about what a loser he is, etc. I finally just had to tell her that he is a part of my life and by not accepting him she's not accepting me. I told her until she could get past her differences with him then she didn't need to call me. So ever since then she's been really great to my DH and he's also done a lot of growing up too. She told him at the hospital when Miranda was born that she was very proud of him that he stuck with me through everything. He never left my side. Honestly, I know it's going to be hard but you'll probably just have to tell your mom (and whoever else is badmouthing your DH) that he is your husband, the father to your child, and that they can either accept him or move on. I know it's a tough spot to be in but I think the longer you let it continue the worse it'll get. Good luck!!
Amanda
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #3  
January 8th, 2007, 04:48 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Peterborough, Ontario
Posts: 2,646
I would ask your mother what her problem is with DH? If she can't give you a reason, then tell her to back off. Let her know that the comments she makes really hurts your feelings!! As for the baby name......David would make a really nice middle name!!! Good luck!!
__________________

<span style="color:#A0522D">"No my windows aren't dirty ....that's my boxers nose artwork!"</span>
Reply With Quote
  #4  
January 9th, 2007, 07:34 AM
~Cupcake~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 14,294
I agree with these girls, you really need to call her on her behaviour. Tell her how hurt it makes you feel that she speaks about your husband that way and tell her that you wont accept that behaviour anymore. I mean if she does it now, whose to say she wont continue to do it and in front of your children that have little ears I would hate to hear my Mom dissing Dan infront of them, he is their Father! If she cant accept this, then perhaps put some distance between yourself and her for a little while and see if it makes her appreciate you all a little more. Nobody's perfect but it isnt necessary to pick out every little flaw or to blatently make things up! Your DH is your DH not hers and it really isnt any of her business.

On the name note, my Mom was on the other end of the spectrum, she convinced my Husband that Emmett (when still inutero) should have Daniel as a middle name. DH was never a big fan of it but she completely brainwashed him and it was a big argument...I told him I didnt name Elle, Elle Christa lol and I had already fallen inlove with Emmett Elliott (would have named him Elliott as a first name if Elle's name wasnt Elle lol I just love that name) Now I would consider it for a middle name next time as I think I made my point lol My basic theory was when he could push the baby out...he could name it
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #5  
January 9th, 2007, 08:00 AM
*Valerie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: VA
Posts: 50,688
I can imagine that it must be hard. It seems like they are very different?? Is this just a recent issue, or was it this way while you were dating?? I would definitely talk to your mom and ask her why she's so critical--I am a very nonconfrontational person as well, so this may be hard--and see what she has to say. Let her know that you love him and what you love about him and hopefully she will see him through your eyes!
__________________
♥Thanks you jaidynsmum for my awesome siggy ♥

Reply With Quote
  #6  
January 9th, 2007, 10:50 AM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,643
Quote:
Lately my mom has been complaining about DH, what seems like all the time. It seems like it is just about little things. Like one day he was watching a football game and he gets really into his sports so he was yelling at the TV and she made some comment to me about how angry he gets. She was complaining to me that I put his dishes in the sink when we are at her house, she thinks he should be doing it himself but if I am on my way to the sink it doesn't bother me at all to take his dishes with me, he doesn't expect me to do it and he takes mine if he gets up first. I almost feel like she is trying to get us apart or something. He by no means is perfect, nobody is, I know he would never hit me or cheat on me, he can be cheap at times but becuase of his cheapness, we are able to provide for ourselves and not have to run to our parents every week for money. We have just foud out that we are expecting a baby boy and DH would like to name him after himself and alhough we have talked about and have decided not to but my mom keeps saying " You're not going to name him David IV are you? " which makes me just want to do it out of spite. My DH doesn't drink or smoke or go out to parties and my brother has been saying that he will be teaching our son to be a "real man" and teach him to ride Harleys and hunt and that kind of stuff. How about teaching him to respect women and to provide for his family, which my DH would have to problem being an example. I don't want my brother to teach my son about going to strip clubs and getting so drunk your fiance calls the police on you. I feel like by them attacking him, they are attacking me. So I feel like when DH and I are having problems I can't talk to my mom about it because it would just fuel her fire. It doesn't help that my DH does his own share of complaining about my family, how they drink too much and use fould language and what ever else. Neither of them knows that the other one is complaining about eachother. I just feel so stuck. I am not a confromtational person, I love my DH and I love my family but I don't know how much more I can handle. Maybe it's these pregnancy hormones putting me over he top.....[/b]

I see your points. I just would not tell your Mom anything anymore when you do get irritated with dh. Find someone else to talk with about it. Also maybe in a "nice way" you need to tell her to mind her own business. LOL! How to do that in a nice way is beyond me. LOL!
__________________
Mom of Kenny (12/14/92) & Jaden (12/29/05)



"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow yet we forget that he is someone today."


M&M's ROCK!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
January 9th, 2007, 11:49 AM
lizruch's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 77
I can empathize with your feelings my mom used to do something similar to that. She would try to get in between my dh and I and caused lots of problems. I finally just told her to knock it off. I actually said "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all". So far so good....but you know what they say about old dogs and new tricks. Good luck.
__________________
<div align="center"></div>
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:16 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0