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  #1  
January 23rd, 2007, 03:30 AM
MummyTo2Boys&1Girl's Avatar Loving my baby boy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Huddersfield, UK
Posts: 37,487
But for those who don't know me my name is Emma (23) and have been with DH Paul (23) for 7 years and we have bben married for 4 years, and we have been TTC for 5 years.

Here's the story might be a bit long but bear with me.

Before I start I want to get across the point that I do love Paul but I am not sure I am in love with him and I don't know what to do.

It's few things that have made me feel this way and it's been happening for a few years. But it has only come to the surface in the last year, it all started when I had my miscarriage, I just feel like he wasn't bothered and that he was more bothered about our cat had gone missing. This was last June and he hasn't once cried or spoke about it. We have been trying for a baby for so long and the fact that the baby was taken away from me so soon, I feel like a failure and I can't even do what so many women are doig every day and half of them aren't even trying or want the baby.

The other day we both had the night of work, which is a very rare occasion so I thought we could have a meal and cuddle up on the sofa and watch TV, but no suprise all he wanted to do was play on his computer, so that was another night wasted, I was upstairs watching TV and he was downstairs playing n hus copmputer, then finally after 6 hours he came upstair in a foul mood because he had just turned of his computer without saving his game, BECAUSE THIS WAS MY FAULT. I tried to cuddle up to him in bed and he just turned his back on me and went to sleep. I feel like he puts the computer before me and that he puts his friends before me, when we are with his friend he always has to make me look stupid.

Then last night we went out for a night out with a few of my friends, nothing big just a nice meal and a few drinks, and all he did was make fun of me and make me look stupid in front of my friens, flirts with 1 of my best friends that was sat at the other side of me, so yes he was lent across me!!

On another hand we have been getting on really well in the bedroom department for thw last month or so but that doesn't make me any happier.

I told DH that I didn't love him anymore last night and he hasn't spoke to me since. Only to say that we will talk when I get home form work. How am I supposed to go to work and work a full days work with all this on my mind, I don't want any of my friends or family to know whats happening because I feel like a failure and don't want to be diviorced at 23, it just proves ebryone right that told us we were getting married too young and that it would never last, but thatis not the only reason I don't want to split up I do actually love him but like I said earlier I am not sure I am IN love with him. I am willing to make a go of things and let him make me fall back in love with him.

OK so I feel like I am just rambling so I will finish there.

Thank you for reading this and any advice you can give me would be great.
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  #2  
January 23rd, 2007, 07:14 AM
michelle5971's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Northern New York
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you and your husband are very young and yes you got married at a very young age but I don't think that is where your problems come from.
you feel resentment towards him for not morning the loss of your child. It seems like the two of you have just grown apart. He doesn't seem to be very interested in your marriage and he shows it by spending time on the computer to avoid spending time with you and by flirting with your friend, right in front of you That is very disrespectful
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  #3  
January 23rd, 2007, 07:53 AM
~Cupcake~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 14,294
(((HUGS))) Perhaps his way of coping with the loss was by busying himself with other things, trying not to think about it, not deal with it. I think a sit down heart to heart would be a good idea. You need to know what his feelings are and if this is something you can and want to work through. You can't do it all on your own. Dan and I had some issues when I was experiencing PPD and I really felt the same way you were. We sat down and had a serious talk, and we both decided to make more of an effort in our relationship as we both wanted it to work so badly. Things today are much better. Is there a possibility you are experiencing some depression? I know it can make you feel very numb and sometimes feelingless about things you once loved (been there done that). The best way to come to a resolution is to sit down and talk about how you are feeling, express what you have told us, how you feel about his way of dealing with the miscarriage and find out what he is feeling. If you both want your marriage to work, its going to take both of you.
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  #4  
January 23rd, 2007, 01:21 PM
*Valerie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: VA
Posts: 50,688
I agree--I don't think men know how to cope and I don't think they can truly understand what a women goes through after a miscarriage. It does seem as if he is dealing with things in his own way--my DH will do the same. When he's upset, he wants to be alone and busy where as I want to talk about things. It's not fair that he picked on you and made fun of you--you definitely need to say how that made you feel (again, my DH will do that and not realize he's gone too far). Make sure to talk about things with no distractions--no tv, no phone.... just focus on each other. Write stuff down if you have to before hand. You can work through this!
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  #5  
January 23rd, 2007, 04:46 PM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,643
Quote:
But for those who don't know me my name is Emma (23) and have been with DH Paul (23) for 7 years and we have bben married for 4 years, and we have been TTC for 5 years.

Here's the story might be a bit long but bear with me.

Before I start I want to get across the point that I do love Paul but I am not sure I am in love with him and I don't know what to do.

It's few things that have made me feel this way and it's been happening for a few years. But it has only come to the surface in the last year, it all started when I had my miscarriage, I just feel like he wasn't bothered and that he was more bothered about our cat had gone missing. This was last June and he hasn't once cried or spoke about it. We have been trying for a baby for so long and the fact that the baby was taken away from me so soon, I feel like a failure and I can't even do what so many women are doig every day and half of them aren't even trying or want the baby.

The other day we both had the night of work, which is a very rare occasion so I thought we could have a meal and cuddle up on the sofa and watch TV, but no suprise all he wanted to do was play on his computer, so that was another night wasted, I was upstairs watching TV and he was downstairs playing n hus copmputer, then finally after 6 hours he came upstair in a foul mood because he had just turned of his computer without saving his game, BECAUSE THIS WAS MY FAULT. I tried to cuddle up to him in bed and he just turned his back on me and went to sleep. I feel like he puts the computer before me and that he puts his friends before me, when we are with his friend he always has to make me look stupid.

Then last night we went out for a night out with a few of my friends, nothing big just a nice meal and a few drinks, and all he did was make fun of me and make me look stupid in front of my friens, flirts with 1 of my best friends that was sat at the other side of me, so yes he was lent across me!!

On another hand we have been getting on really well in the bedroom department for thw last month or so but that doesn't make me any happier.

I told DH that I didn't love him anymore last night and he hasn't spoke to me since. Only to say that we will talk when I get home form work. How am I supposed to go to work and work a full days work with all this on my mind, I don't want any of my friends or family to know whats happening because I feel like a failure and don't want to be diviorced at 23, it just proves ebryone right that told us we were getting married too young and that it would never last, but thatis not the only reason I don't want to split up I do actually love him but like I said earlier I am not sure I am IN love with him. I am willing to make a go of things and let him make me fall back in love with him.

OK so I feel like I am just rambling so I will finish there.

Thank you for reading this and any advice you can give me would be great.[/b]
My husband and I have been where you are at now...

We TTC for 4 years and got pregnant and lost the baby we went thru sort of the same thing...

We didn't talk much about the loss of the baby either..and I took it really really hard and I felt as thou he didn't care as you stated about your husband. Men have a different way of dealing with things than us women do. Not saying it's right but it's their way

You need to find that place in your marriage again...and honestly and seriously you need to become stronger and find that place within your marriage before you get preggers again.

My dh does the computer thing too and playstation (mostly it's playstation) we don't spend a lot of time "together" like quality time together but that's mostly because I'm too tired, and we both just need time to ourselves, something we don't have a whole lot of since the birth of our daughter.

Yes, we finally got pregnant 2 years later after the loss of our baby and Jaden was born Dec. 29th 05 ! So keep your chin up, there's always hope and there's always miracles...you both just need to over come this rough period because trust me there's many more to come...

I think losing a baby was the hardest thing my dh and I had to go thru together...we had nobody to help us either, it was just him and I. We went thru many rough times trust me. But somehow we stuck it out and got thru. You will too just be strong.
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