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  #1  
January 25th, 2007, 10:04 AM
~Jess~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Central California
Posts: 16,959
I'm reading the book and am struggling with some of it. But, my marriage needs something and as I've been implementing it, I'm realizing how much I do criticize & try to control my dh. I never realized it before. Anyway, I'd love to have someone that I could pm for advice or a pat on the back every now & then, for keeping my mouth shut.

Any other advice you have is welcome too, especially the financial aspect. My dh is financially challenged and I'm terrified of letting him take over.
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  #2  
January 26th, 2007, 12:03 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Posts: 336
Awesome book. I also highly recommend "Liberated through Submission". It's a tough road sometimes, especially if you tend to be a little dominant (I do). It's a definite process, a journey more than a destination, you could say!
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  #3  
February 1st, 2007, 12:00 PM
Regular
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 57
Quote:
I'm reading the book and am struggling with some of it. But, my marriage needs something and as I've been implementing it, I'm realizing how much I do criticize & try to control my dh. I never realized it before. Anyway, I'd love to have someone that I could pm for advice or a pat on the back every now & then, for keeping my mouth shut.

Any other advice you have is welcome too, especially the financial aspect. My dh is financially challenged and I'm terrified of letting him take over.[/b]

Hey, Just a little motivation for you. I dont really have a problem in this area. I have always been really submissive and DH is pretty dominant so it works good for us.. But for the motivational part----- I know it may be hard for you, but there is truly something special about giving up and giving in and knowing that you are trusting him 100 % with everything. If something goes wrong, he knows He made a mistake. It feels so good to know that someone cares that much for you and your family. He knows HE CANNOT mess up!! lol Somehow, he becomes a much more mature and responsible person! I feel so secure and safe!
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  #4  
February 1st, 2007, 01:00 PM
~Jess~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Central California
Posts: 16,959
Quote:
Quote:
I'm reading the book and am struggling with some of it. But, my marriage needs something and as I've been implementing it, I'm realizing how much I do criticize & try to control my dh. I never realized it before. Anyway, I'd love to have someone that I could pm for advice or a pat on the back every now & then, for keeping my mouth shut.

Any other advice you have is welcome too, especially the financial aspect. My dh is financially challenged and I'm terrified of letting him take over.[/b]

Hey, Just a little motivation for you. I dont really have a problem in this area. I have always been really submissive and DH is pretty dominant so it works good for us.. But for the motivational part----- I know it may be hard for you, but there is truly something special about giving up and giving in and knowing that you are trusting him 100 % with everything. If something goes wrong, he knows He made a mistake. It feels so good to know that someone cares that much for you and your family. He knows HE CANNOT mess up!! lol Somehow, he becomes a much more mature and responsible person! I feel so secure and safe!
[/b]
That's really what I'm hoping will happen. He tends to be financially irresponsible because he knows that I'll find a way to make it work. I'm hoping he'll be forced to become financially responsible since I won't be his safety net anymore.
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  #5  
February 2nd, 2007, 07:09 AM
chloe82
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I'm reading the book and am struggling with some of it. But, my marriage needs something and as I've been implementing it, I'm realizing how much I do criticize & try to control my dh. I never realized it before. Anyway, I'd love to have someone that I could pm for advice or a pat on the back every now & then, for keeping my mouth shut.

Any other advice you have is welcome too, especially the financial aspect. My dh is financially challenged and I'm terrified of letting him take over.[/b]

Hey, Just a little motivation for you. I dont really have a problem in this area. I have always been really submissive and DH is pretty dominant so it works good for us.. But for the motivational part----- I know it may be hard for you, but there is truly something special about giving up and giving in and knowing that you are trusting him 100 % with everything. If something goes wrong, he knows He made a mistake. It feels so good to know that someone cares that much for you and your family. He knows HE CANNOT mess up!! lol Somehow, he becomes a much more mature and responsible person! I feel so secure and safe!
[/b]
That's really what I'm hoping will happen. He tends to be financially irresponsible because he knows that I'll find a way to make it work. I'm hoping he'll be forced to become financially responsible since I won't be his safety net anymore.
[/b]
Good luck!!! You guys sound a lot like us a while ago....I still struggle with the submission thing but am getting better and better and it is totally something I want for us and won't give up on....it really is a beautiful thing when both of you are on board with what that means for both of you...in terms of responsibilities and rewards. I love how it was put (bolded part above)
Anyways, as for the finances issue, I can totally relate....dh didn't do the greatest job of managing our finances early in our marriage which led us to decide that I should take over, which I did for the next few years...I was more responsible and careful, but it caused a lot of tension and arguing over that period of time....it just created an unhealthy dynamic for us over time and eventually I pretty much begged him to take back over which he was initially hesitant about but eventually decided to do....I filled him in on how I had been managing it all and then washed my hands of it and left it up to him. I figured, he's a big boy, he can and should handle it since he knows how important it is for our family's wellbeing, and we decided that peace in our home was more valuable than ME handling the finances simply because I was better at it at the time. It's a learned skill...and he just decided he needed to step up and LEARN it. Since then, things have been going much better in that area. He REALLY stepped up to the plate, took over, and has been doing a GREAT job handling our finances....I feel extremely safe and secure and I know he feels better about himself for having done it. Things are better than ever....I am aware of our financial situation, but only out of a sense of responsibility for a "just in case" scenario (I feel every spouse should be aware of their financial situation just in case something happens to the one who normally takes care of it)...not becuase I feel I need to look over his shoulder and make sure he's not screwing things up. (which is how I felt before) It's a wonderful feeling to choose to trust himand have him choose to BE trustworthy.
Anyways, that's my experience. Good luck with whatever you decide.
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  #6  
February 2nd, 2007, 10:34 AM
writinghoosier's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,342
I've been reading this thread, but I have to ask, what is a "surrendered wife"? I've never heard this term before.
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  #7  
February 2nd, 2007, 11:57 AM
bebe-v-j's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,321
I wouldn't say I'm "surrendered" since that seems more like my DH would have all the say & me nothing - which I don't think is right or healthy for any marriage. I am however, "submissive". I am a Christian so Biblically speaking my husband IS the head of our household & I do submit myself to him. By doing this, he is the one responsible for our family & he takes great care of us. However, in the Bible it also says that a man is to love his wife like Christ loved the church - which my husband does. That is an amazing amount of love to be shown by someone when you really think about it. Because he loves me I am his equal and we do discuss decisions that are to be made. Generally, the disagreements we have over small things go my way but when it is something that is serious to us or our family we discuss it and usually my husband will be right. GL with everything!
P.S. - If he is terrible at finances then why don't you sit down and do it together? It's a win win situation - you get to spend time together & you know everything will be correct.
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  #8  
February 2nd, 2007, 02:21 PM
AnnikasMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Pensacola, FL
Posts: 6,572
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Never read it.
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Holley~ Mommy to Annika Lily (12/28/2005)



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  #9  
February 3rd, 2007, 01:30 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Posts: 336
Neither 'surrendered' nor 'submissive' are going to be well-received words because we've all developed a really skewed perception of what that means. Really what it means is, just as Christ is the head of the church and gave His life in love for her, so a husband is the head of the wife and family and devotes his life in love to care for her and them. The dynamic is beautiful - he cares for the needs of his family, makes the decisions that need to be made, and takes care of things that need to be done. In a healthy relationship, no doubt there will be discussion about things, but the final decision is his to make. And the wife can rest in that, trusting that because he is so invested in her and in their family, that he will make the decisions that will best meet their needs. It's about 'servant leadership' - he is leading but with the mentality of a servant, serving the needs of his family and of his God. And being able to trust her husband like that frees the wife to fill her perfect role of nurturing him and their children, without the added burden of trying to carry all that additional responsibility.

Sometimes it doesn't work just like that. But that's the picture.

It's not a matter of him just telling everyone what to do and the whole family scurrying to do the bidding of their master. LOL That wouldn't go over so well nowadays.
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