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Ferber method - need help!!!

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March 4th, 2012, 05:37 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2
Hi ladies-

So, DH and I have been using the ferber method for our 8 month old baby at bedtime now for about 7 weeks. Previously, we were staying in the room with him, while he lay in his crib, and basically shush-patting him to sleep, which took about 30 minutes. We have been able to lay him down in his crib for naps and he will be asleep within 5 minutes, most times without any crying, since he was about 6 months old. Our issue is that he isn't getting any better at settling himself down to go to sleep at bedtime. One night it will take him 9 minutes, the next 20...all the while crying intermittently, sometimes really hard. He has never cried so hard as to make himself sick...he's not that hard of a cryer! Once he finally does go to sleep, he consistently sleeps through the night, from around 7-ish to 7-ish, or approximately 12 hours. He's a great sleeper, and if he does wake in the night, he settles himself right back to sleep. We are so confused as to why he doesn't do this at bedtime! Our routine has been the same since week 12: 6 pm bath; 6:30 nurse, then baby massage, singing, and reading while rocking till he yawns and rubs his eyes (usually just a couple of minutes). He takes 2 naps per day, approximately 1.5 hours each, sometimes the pm nap is only 45 minutes. Can anyone help us with tips/ideas?! We are completely perplexed as to why he's still crying himself to sleep even though we've been following the ferber method of gradual extinction to a T!! Thanks in advance for your help!!

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March 16th, 2012, 07:21 AM
Purrrrrrr's Avatar Semi-crunchy Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,715
I know it's not the answer you wanna hear, but he does it because he's a baby. He's not going to stop until probably he's a toddler and then it'll be a whole new set of bedtime woes because he will want to stay up and see what mommy and daddy are doing, but he can TALK.

It sounds like you guys are doing an awesome job and it sounds like you're putting him to bed with lots of love. He'll get better at it, and then worse, and then better. I know it's frustrating those nights where it's 20 minutes and not 9, but it sounds like he's getting down at about 7:30 at the latest every night and sleeping long enough.

Maybe you can read a little of the no-cry sleep solution and see if any of those techniques might make things even better.

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March 16th, 2012, 11:13 PM
Co Host - July 2011 PR
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 946
My son is the same way. I think just like us some days we have no problem falling asleep where others we will toss and turn before being able to pass out. Unfortunately babies use crying to show their frustration. It will get better eventually I'm jealous that he's sleeping through the night 12 hrs! My 7 1/2 month old still wakes up once or twice for a feeding/comfort feed. At least you have it easy there
Have you tried white noise or music for when he's trying to fall asleep? I find with Charlie sometimes the music will distract him enough that he falls alseep without a peep. Good luck Hopefully you guys can figure it out!
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May 6th, 2012, 09:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,029
Honestly..I know a lot of parents that would pitch a fit about "ferberizing"..but in most basic parenting classes they teach you to let the child CIO a little..I coddled my first born and picked him up everytime he cried..and he ended up sleeping with me until he was almost 5..not something I had intended..with my second I grew a bit more backbone and let him cry occasionally while still maintaining his basic needs..and he is fine..Im currently doing the same with my daughter and she's turning into a perfectly well adjusted toddler..as far as the crying thing..its a baby thing..LOL..they cry because they arent getting exactly what they want sometimes..Trust me you're not hurting your baby by not giving into every little thing..Don't let ppl make you feel like a bad mom..They do eventually learn to sooth themselves to sleep..Imagine if they didnt..we'd be a bunch of 30 something's sitting in mommies lap..LOL

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