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Bathroom Issues

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June 3rd, 2011, 06:23 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Posts: 1,566
Hi Ladies,

I've chosen to revisit JM after a long hiatus. I first signed up in 2005 when I had a miscarriage and needed somewhere to turn. 6 years and 2 children later, I've decided to return to seek some advice.

My daughter is 5 years old and we're having bathroom problems with her. She's been having #2 "accidents" in her pants all week. This has been going on for the past month or so. She'll be playing outside and can't be bothered to come in. Or she'll be at school and wait too long and then go in her panties. I really don't know what to do. All the excuses she gives, leads me to believe that she's just too darn lazy to come in and use the bathroom.

Any tips? Should I punish her? How severe should I go? Like tonight, I just got so fed up, I didn't let her outside after supper when the kids were playing. She was upset but she stayed in and I told her I'd help her set up her barbies or color with her. But I explained to her that I'd only play for a few minutes b/c I wasn't the one being punished, she was.

Anyhoo, I fell like I'm telling her the same thing all the time. You can either be a big girl or a baby, but you can't be both. Big girls get to do big girl things like ride their bike, go to the library, etc. Babies don't play outside after supper....

I'm open to anything at this point. Is there something maybe that I should be addressing?

Thanks for your help.
<span style="font-family:Comic Sans MS">~ Angela ~</span>

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June 3rd, 2011, 07:08 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,925
With 5 yrs old they get distracted so I would say Come in its time for You to go use the potty some kids will get too embrassed by them having to be reminded so much that they will finally start getting it to be doing it on their own because they don't want to be embrassed in front of their friends .

At school usually teachers take a bunch of kids to the potty at this certain time so maybe find out why she doesn't really want to use those potty for some reason some kids don't like too short toilets .

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June 4th, 2011, 02:41 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 7,429
I agree with the above. but I'd also say if you're going to punish her then punish her, if you're not then not. But not allowing her to go outside but allowing her to stay inside and play, color, and then you play with her is not a punishment and doesn't tell her she did anything wrong. So if it's going to be a punishment then make it one (ie she sits on her bed after dinner or goes to be early or something of that sort), or choose not to punish her and then participate in whatever she typically does.

Personally I would think that the kids making fun of her would be enough to get her to use the bathroom. Trust me, that won't go on very long because if they aren't poking fun yet, they surely will be in another 6 months to a year.

If you truly feel that she's doing it on purpose, personally I would use grounding because as long as there isn't a medical problem at 5-6 years old that should be plenty old enough to use the restroom adequately.

Good luck!
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June 4th, 2011, 06:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Posts: 1,566
Thanks ladies. And I do agree, punish or don't. I think that we've got to play hardball now. Even though I won't like it, she really needs to get the message. I think I'll start by asking if she has to go to the bathroom in front of her friends and go from there.

Thanks a bunch!
<span style="font-family:Comic Sans MS">~ Angela ~</span>

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June 4th, 2011, 10:11 PM
mommas2favs's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 8,901
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I agree with the above post on the punishment issue, do it or don't. There's no sitting on the fence.

However, I have a little bit of a different view on the issue of toilet training. I believe that whether or not a child is doing this type of thing on purpose, there should be no "punishment". I worry that giving a punishment for something her body needs to do naturally might give her more anxiety or fear of the idea and cause her to start hiding it from the parent. Especially if that "punishment" doesn't fit the crime, sorta say.

Therefore I think it's important to reinforce what she knows about taking care of her own body, and listening to what her body is telling her. Even if that means turning off the tv in the middle of a show, taking books away, making her sit down, or stop a fun activity. And in the end, showing her the consequences of her actions, by giving her the responsibility for her own body.

Gabrielle did this a few times. She tried hiding her soiled panties from us by putting on a large tshirt that covered her butt, or would pile her books onto the wet spot on the floor where the accident had happened. (needless to say, a lot of books and toys were thrown out!). It was just laziness on Belle's part. And while learning to listen to your parents is a life lesson, it sure is hard on the parent when it comes to repetition!

So my DH and I decided to take a proactive approach to teaching her more about taking care of her own body. I found that making her clean herself up, and then inspecting her until she was completely clean worked like magic! She was expecting me to clean her. Instead I gave her a box of wipes, told her to strip her clothing on the floor and start wiping. She didn't like this. I think I gave her those consequences 3 times. And it only happened twice after that. You could even say only once because the second time happened as she ran to the bathroom.

I know how frustrating it can be. Every child is different. But I hope perhaps my experience with this issue has given you some insight to a conclusion that might work for you! Good Luck! KUP!

~~my awesome siggies are made by *Kiliki~~
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