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Advice please :)

Forum: Moms of Gradeschoolers


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September 13th, 2011, 03:19 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 4
Hi everyone. I am new to these boards so firstly hi I am looking for some advice please regarding our just turned 6 year old child. I am at a loss what to do and thought I would come in here and ask what other mums would do.
My hubby and I have never been away together and have just booked an overseas holiday for 8 nights minus children which we are very excited about.
Problem is our 6 year old frets a lot when seperated from her father. Admittingly she has never been apart from me so I don't know if she would be the same apart from me but her dad works a job that takes him away about 4 times a year and she spends the time fretting for him and crying for him at night.
Now we are wondering if we should consider taking her with us when we go. She would be staying with her grandparents who she loves dearly while we are away and would be with other sibilings as well but Im really worried about what to do.
Its not like we can drop everything and go and pick her up if shes upset as we won't even be in the same country.
What would you do in our situation? I am in two minds as to what to do and its really confusing lol.
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September 13th, 2011, 03:56 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Maryland
Posts: 20,233
I definitely wouldn't take her along. That encourages the behavior and is really completely unfair to your other kids. I would do some smaller trips between now and then as practice. Let her stay with her grandparents over the weekend here and there so she can get used to relaxing there and having fun while you're all apart. It will also give them an opportunity to plan better distractions for her while you're away on your trip. HTH!
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September 13th, 2011, 04:20 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 4
Thank you for your lovely welcome and I so hear what you are saying. The mean mummy and selfish part of me wants to leave her behind haha. Unfortunately her spending time with her grandies before hand isn't an option as we all live too far apart from each other and we go in 6 weeks. Maybe I just need to harden up lol. She is my last baby and I think I might be having trouble letting go too which isn't helping
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September 13th, 2011, 07:55 AM
D@mnedYankee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,460
I wouldnt bring her... its not fair to the other kids and she will get into the novelty of being at Grandma's which may take a day or two but I bet in a couple days she'll have soo much fun being with Grandma she will end up having an easier time the next time Daddy has to leave for work.
my husband has to leave a LOT because of the military...the last time he left for military reasons was last summer for training and she was just turning 7. He had been home for a year and a half at that point and she had a bit of an issue adjusting but after a week she was completely fine with it.
This is something I know quite a few people do for 1st deployments and little ones and havent seen it for something so short as a week but maybe the night before you bring her to Grandma's make a paper chain, one link for everyday your gone and have her undo one every morning so she can actually see how short of a time it really is and be able to really know when you will be home

Thanks Julia for the great siggy! <3
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September 13th, 2011, 09:12 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 7,429
I agree with the others, I would not take her. Regardless of the other children, she's plenty old enough to learn and understand you are going away but you will come back and that it is okay for you guys to leave. The grandparents were obviously parents, they will be able to handle her if she is upset for a day or two, but kids are always different with other people than mom and dad so she very well may be just fine while you're gone.
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September 13th, 2011, 11:26 AM
*Valerie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: VA
Posts: 50,688
I agree. Is there anyone who could she could stay with or stay at your house with her as a trial run? I think it would be a good idea to try it out and call her to say goodnight or just to see how the day is going so she knows you'll be back.

welcome to JM!
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September 13th, 2011, 05:35 PM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 4
Thanks so much for your advice ladies, I really do appreciate it I love the idea of the paper chain, am definitely going to do that. We had a talk about it this morning (im in nz so a different time zone to you lovely ladies) before school and I explained to her that if she came with us then she wouldn't get a present when we came back because it would cost us money to take her and all of a sudden shes all for us going lol.
I think maybe it was more my anxiety than hers and I know she will be taken great care of by my parents and I know they will cope with what ever she can throw at them lol.
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September 14th, 2011, 12:32 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 41,401
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I also agree, don't take her. She is not an infant who won't undserstand she is a big girl! I would do an overnight at grandmas a few times before. Maybe start with a day trip, then an over night. Then maybe a few overnights before you go1 Have fun BTW I am soo jealous

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September 14th, 2011, 12:45 PM
C&K'sMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 6,150
I agree, don't take her. We just did this same thing (we went to the Bahamas for 5 days and I had NEVER been apart from my girls). I was really scared of how the girls would do, but they surprised me. (They also don't get to see their grandparents much so there wasn't a familiarity there for them).

I made detailed *manual* for the grandies so that things like their bedtime routine stayed the same. I also overly prepared EVERYTHING. (what they'd eat, what they'd wear etc...) I didn't ask that the grandies stuck to those things, but I wanted to make sure that if they needed it, as much prep was done as possible, so that if the girls were struggling, my parents could be with them as much as possible. I also planned fun things for them to do with the grandies (baking cookies, scavanger hunt, crafts and those kings of things) so that DDs could really enjoy being with them and look forward to each day.


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September 14th, 2011, 08:37 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Andrews AFB, MD
Posts: 15,496
Taking time with your hubby is a good thing...it will give you both a chance to recharge your batteries. I'm sure your little girl will be fine. Maybe pack a special gift (a new stuffed animal, set of pj's, book, etc.) that she can open after you leave.
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