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Just needed to vent, very emotional right now :(

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December 25th, 2008, 04:59 PM
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 1
Hello everyone! This is my first time here on this site and I figured I need to have a little vent session since most of you here know what I'm going through and have been through this before as well.

I had my first miscarriage just yesterday. I am sad and devastated! It was an unplanned pregnancy... since I got pregnant while on the pill (Maybe things happen for a reason??? I don't know). I found out the day after Thanksgiving that I was pregnant. Of course it was a complete shock to me since I was trying to prevent a pregnancy. I am in a long distance relationship so that made it even harder. I told my Boyfriend and he also was very shocked. He became somewhat depressed because we were/are so far away (1000 miles) and he wanted to be there for the delivery and throughout the pregnancy. We talked about if it would be a boy or girl and where I would go to have the baby... just many mixed emotions.

I had been spotting everyday ever since I first found out. I knew that this wasn't normal because I have 2 girls already and NEVER had a bit of spotting with them when I was pregnant with them. So I went to my doctor and she said that it is normal for early pregnancy to have some spotting. But she did want to rule out ectopic and so she ordered an ultrasound and blood work. Ultrasound showed me as being very very early pregnant of only 4 weeks! My HCG levels, however, never doubled like they should have! so she ordered one more and another ultrasound for the next week. My HCG went up but still wasn't where it should've been after 4 days. The ultrasound did show a gestational sac that grew and there was a yolk sac and a little embryo and believe it or not, there was also a heartbeat!! At that moment I knew that I wanted to keep my baby because seeing that little heartbeat surely hit a soft spot with me. Doc said everything looked great and not to worry about the HCG levels because once you see the heartbeat then miscarriage level goes down I guess.

I was still spotting and decided to get a second opinion. My spotting actually turned into a heavier kind of brownish blood. My new doc did an ultrasound and there was the heartbeat... He said that some women just bleed for some reason. This ultrasound measured me at 5 wks and 6 days. He said to come back in 4 weeks because everything looked healthy otherwise. Mind you Throughout this whole ordeal I NEVER once felt pregnant or sick or sore boobs... I knew that this wasn't normal!! My bleeding got heavier the next day with very heavy cramping and clots!! Lots of clots... I went back in the next day and sure enough on the ultrasound - there was no heartbeat!! I was devastated!!!

I opted to have a natural miscarriage without the D&C. And the very next day... I passed my little baby at exactly 6 weeks It was weird though because all I saw was a big thing of tissue that looked alot like a squid with the placenta on one end and there was the "squid" body with vein like things on it. It was heavy and felt solid... is that the actual gestational sac? I didn't actually see the "baby". My doctor told me that I am to look for the "clear" sac and the baby inside would look like a shrimp. This was definitely not "clear" and I didn't see any shrimp like baby. Was this normal??? Is that what it really looks like??? This is my first miscarriage and hopefully my last.

I gave my boyfriend a phone call at work and he could hear in my voice what had happened. He was so excited to be having a baby that he told his whole family and friends... and now he's gotta give them the bad news. I hadn't told anyone except my closest friends because I just knew that something was not right with this pregnancy.

I cried the whole day and didn't go to work for 2 days. I think that's the most I laid in bed in a very very long time! I am so sad. I alway believed that things happen for a reason... I got pregnant on the pill... my due date (if you can believe it) was on my boyfriend's birthday! It seemed so meant to be... but it was all taken away so quickly... how does one cope? Thanks so much for listening... I feel so empty and alone now. I miss my dear little angel.
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March 3rd, 2009, 06:31 PM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,777
I'm so sorry about your baby

I'm not sure if you have ever been back to the forums after this post, but the Pregnancy Loss board is a great place to go for support and empathy.

I don't really have any advice on how to cope. We found out on Feb 7 that our baby had died, so the pain is still pretty raw for me, too.


Missing our angel baby since Feb 7, 2009

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July 1st, 2009, 03:24 AM
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 6
I am so sorry for your loss! I too suffered a miscarriage back in 06! Which what is really ironic you found out in november the day after thanksgiving, i found out a couple days before thanksgiving on the 21st.I also lost my baby at 10 wks a couple days before christmas! you had yours in december also, im sorry but that part was crazy for me and it made feel close to you in a way =) I didnt actually have pain or cramping until two days later,I didnt know then those were actually labor pains, which was interesting to me, it was somethin! truly horrific, i had severe hot flashes,chills, and i felt like i was going to faint.It was the worste pain ive ever been in so far in my lifetime! I know that you're feeling alot of pain right now and it will never really go away, you will always miss your baby but it will get easier. and i just want to let you i understand and sympathize.I am here for you if you need to talk.All i wanted to do was lay around, i didnt want to work, and what was worse was my family wouldnt even talk about it, i guess they felt like it would hurt me, but it hurt even worse to have them act like nothing happen, I mean they did help dont get me wrong.My sister took me out for dinner, my cousin (which got pregnant only a couple months later which im sure you know how that felt) brought me flowers.So they did help, but after that no one brung it up and they still dont to this day.I myself even feel uncomfortable talking about it, and im the one who lost the baby! So as for coping just get your feelings out as much as possible! ask the doctors any questions you have because you will regret it.I never pushed for my one and only ultrasound pictures because it was done at the ER, i will forever regret that, for it is my only picture i would ever have of my lossed baby.So talk to me about it,ask me anything you want, post as many threads as you want, but dont hold it inside.I found some songs that really helped me get my emotions out.Glory baby by watermark is an awesome song.I went on youtube and watched videos on miscarriage, women whove had a miscarriage posted their experiences.One girl in particular helped alot, her name was sasha so check that out if you want.Sorry to go on and on, but i hope i helped.My would-have been due date is coming up, july 11th, my baby would be almost 2 years old now and it kills me that i am a mommy, but an angel mommy.So from one angel mommy to another, I am truly sorry again for the loss of your baby!
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